Matthew's wonderful memory & HIM GROWING UP WAY TO FAST!

We had a nice time the other day visiting Grandma & Grandpa in Boston. Matthew also got to visit his much loved and missed cousins and Aunt so it really made his day. For the whole trip into Boston, he would say "Mom, Is this the town?" I would let him know the town that we were driving through and every time we entered the next town, he would say it again. It was cute.

Finally, we were on the outskirts and on a slight hill and I saw the John Hancock building in the distance and said "Look Honey!! See that building...were almost in Boston!!" He said "Yep! And down that road and then down a hill and down the next road.....is THE MUSEUM OF SCIENCE!

Everything in his little life that he has seen so far in Boston, is so exciting for me to watch him experiencing it. Almost more exciting then first time I saw it. At my In-Laws the other day, he was looking out the window and yelling "There is a baby in the city!!" "There is a kid my age in the city!!" and my favorite "Mom, There IS A MOM YOUR AGE IN THE CITY!"

His memory is so amazing to me. Today we were driving home after going to the library and the playground and he saw planes in the blue sky with there straight lines of clouds behind them. (The kind I used to think was the rocket on Sesame Street making the letter I). He also calls them rockets and today asked me "Why do the rockets go into the sky in the morning time?" (It was 4 pm) I said "I don't know honey why they go in the morning?" He said "I'll have to ask Daddy ORRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE CAN GO TO THE MUSEUM IN BOSTON AND THEY CAN TELL US!!!!!

I said "Maybe!" He said "Maybe!"

I am so proud of him today (as always) because he is being my little helper again these days. Holding my face in his hands with his hands, telling me to take a deep breath while I am frantically trying to get out the door all week, telling me (again) to have a good time with my band the other night when I was going on a Mom's Night Out at a restaurant. I'd explained it wasn't a concert, just meeting other moms at a restaurant that might have little boys his age, but he still said when I left to have a good time with my band.

When we went to the library today, I was just resigning myself to the fact, that when he's with me, I probably wouldn't be getting any books for myself. He normally doesn't let me look around, to put it nicely. Today he pranced right up to the children's door like an old pro holding it for me and when he got inside he immediately went and played at the train tables nicely and quietly and would occasionally come up to me while I was browsing the books. Then he said something that made my heart melt. He must have seen Cailou's mom doing it. He said "Mom, Look at this book. Do you want to read it here?" We've always just check them out to read them at home. He said "Have a seat Mom" as he pulled out a little chair for me to sit at and then he sat in a little chair across from me.

My little date at the library with my prince charming...(sigh)....

After our reading we gently picked out movies and then I said to myself, let me try and see what happens if I try and carry all of the books already in my hand and movies and see if anything jumps out at me from the shelves as I walk by the fictional section. I can't browse the computer to look things up, it's just not possible.

When we got to the end of the fictional section, I was trying to glance at these tall shelves and Matthew said to me "Mom, why don't I take a seat here at this table and read my dinosaur book?" He is my angel, my hero and he is growing up too fast!!!!! I love that he was so thoughtful. He also said He wanted to carry his movies to the lady and then he very big boyish put them up on the counter. He then carried them to the car in a plastic bag and when he looked across the street and saw a playground and said "How about we walk over there?" I said "OK! Let's Go!!!" It was really more of a toddler one, but he was happy and so am I.

And we got to talk to K today! So it's a good day.....simple things in life make us happy. Being nice to one another and having someone love you as much as you love them unconditionally.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

I wasn't going to get to post today, because I have been busy spring cleaning again, laundry and recycling for trash day tomorrow.

I am going out tonight with a group of moms online that I recently joined. They are having a Moms Night Out at a nearby restaurant. Matthew and I will be joining them at a Children's Museum on Monday.

Matthew has a habit of pulling my pony tails out of my hair because he likes to put his fingers through my hair. I have been at my wits end trying to keep myself from cutting it short because I know that this time, once it's cut, it's staying short forever. I would rather just get out and go, not spend 1/2 hour or more straightening, curling, product, big hair brush, etc... I've always loved longer hair, but now with grays coming in more and more, it will be more cost effective to keep it short to color and keep up with and just easier in general for me. I hate wearing baseball hats and I have been wearing them every time I leave the house for the last 2 years. Even after I get it trimmed. If I don't have the time that day, to put the product in and I am going to have to look ridiculous with fly aways and grays poking up, I'm wearing a manly hat!

Anyway, today Matthew pulled my pony tail out of my hair as he was falling asleep next to me on my bed and he threw it on the floor. An hour or so ago, I was upstairs frantically looking through my closet trying to figure out what I'm going to wear. I have 60 tops and two pairs of jeans that look right on me and fit me right. But I stood in front of my closet, looking at my limited pairs of shoes and was having a little panic attack. Like I know the first day of spring was last week, but it is cold enough to wear suede!!! And I love my suede clogs with my little light suede coat!! But then I would need my suede purse and then it would just be too fall!!!

It has been so long since I saw the world and what they are wearing!! See this is my problem. I used to love watching (Before Matthew), Entertainment shows and the red carpet. I used to love painting my nails and always having my shoes match my purse. I have become so hideous. I watch now those shows of people coming to your house to give you a complete make-over, and I wish they would pick me. Although if anyone nominated me I also know, I would cry with my feelings hurt.

Anyway, to put things in perspective, Matthew found the pony tail he had thrown off of my bed today while I was frantically going through my shirts and shoes. He said "Mommy, (with a sly grin) How Did This Get H--e----rrrrr----eeee??? (with that little nah nah nah nah nah sound in the word here)

I said, "Gee I don't know how that got there". He said "Mom, You Look Pretty with your hair like that, Don't Put Your Hair in a Ponytail!!!".

I can't help smiling now. It's nice to have my prince charming think Mommy's pretty. I am going to eat it up while I can, and keep it long a little while longer and just wear my pair of Levis with a shirt and chill out and enjoy myself tonight.

The swans are BACK from Disneyworld!!!

The swans are BACK from Disneyworld!!!
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

We were going to walk around the lake, little cold and windy. So we decided to go into Boston to visit Grandma instead. We looked out our window and I said Matthew the Swan is back and usually where there is one, there is two swans...Mommy looked as Matthew said "I see 3 Swans!!"

Remember When Wednesdays - Your Childhood

My experience of growing up in PA during the 70's & a few years of the early 80's, was very innocent. Now being a mom, I think back and know that there must have been alot of the same problems and people in the world then, but being a child then, maybe I was sheltered really good from it, or maybe it just was a lot simpler?

• I believed in Santa Clause until I was 14. These days you are lucky to be between 5 - 7 years old, without figuring it out.
• We lived in a "newer home development" , where we were one of the first developments on a mountainside. There was alot of forest and woods surrounding the development.

To this day, whenever I am under stress or need more than singing to escape, I love being surrounded by woods, forest, trees with sunlight shining through, listening to a nearby brook, just seeing a mountain view, makes me sigh and tear up.

• I loved to go walking through those woods. Sometimes alone, sometimes dragging my younger brother to explore with me in a near by creek, turning over rocks to find salamanders. Sometimes over a very high bridge made out of railroad trestles, that later were torn down and so dangerous. On the dirt path to the trestles there were these beautiful white birch trees that had these huge limbs dangling over the path and we would try and use them to boomerang ourselves. It was alot of fun.
• For my girlfriends and I, we would find where people dumped ceramic left overs. Our big discovery would be part of a Teddy Bear or Animal Head for us to paint, but if worse came to worse we would always bring home pieces of the ceramic to use as chalk and play hopscotch in our driveways.
• Sometimes as a family we would go through those woods and hunt for blueberries. My mother would then make blueberry pies.
• I didn't have many toys. I had one big baby doll at one time and then a few "Dawn" dolls (mini Barbie's), a few board games. my bicycle's, roller skates, a walking doll and then later around 13 years old, I got my first Raggedy Ann. She is still my favorite, with her little I Love You in a heart on her chest.
• The boys in our neighborhood built forts a few feet into the woods behind one of the homes. At the time I remember it all being so larger than life.

I was back in this neighborhood a few months ago with Matthew and not only is the mountain just bombarded with houses now, the houses from my development were tiny to me. There is basically no woods, the yards are so small.

• When I was about 13 I had a red skateboard that I used to ride down (stealing from Matthew) THIS BIG HILL!!!! When I drove down this street recently, I was telling him how cool I was and laughing to myself because the street is nothing of a hill, how could I have seen it so differently then?

In my defense at the bottom of the hill, there is a drop off to a busy road, with a curb at the bottom, but if you hit that curb the wrong way, God Help You.

To show how innocent we were, my friend K would walk from her house to mine (or vice versa). Then we would walk down that big hill, down this path, cross the busy road, down another hill that if you aren't holding onto the branches and trees just right and lose your footing, you're gonna slip!! We'd cross that busy road, go down another crazy hill with paths, down a street or two, to go to her grandmother's house.

Well, I have to go for now. I have to go help my son with his memories. I think we will take a walk in the woods today or one around the lake so he can see "THE BEACH" as he calls it. (Again, only very small patch of sand) shh...don't tell him.

How many childhood memories do you remember?

Here's what's for dinner tonight!!!

Here's what I'm attempting to make for dinner tonight!!

Let you know if it comes out like the picture! Yummy!

I found it at Simply Recipes and it is almost done and it is looking good!!!! LOL

Now only if I had some salad in the house:-)

Matthew's American Flag March 26 2007

Matthew's American Flag March 26 2007
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Matthew's American Flag March 26 2007

I am so impressed with this one. He was just going to put the star stickers on it and I said honey why don't I show you what the American Flag looks like. You can put the stickers in the box and then I happ-hazardly colored in a few red stripes.

He put the other stars in between the stripes all by himself with no help from me!!! All perfect lines and spread out so neatly!!

Matthew's Easter Egg March 26 2007

Matthew's Easter Egg March 26 2007
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Happy Easter from Matthew!!! Easter Egg with Easter Stickers! 2007

Last Moments with My Mom

When my father and mother were trying to get pregnant with me, my father and my aunts always tell the story of how my mother couldn't wait for grandchildren. She would say "I can't wait to be a grandmother" and my father would say "You're not even a mom yet, slow down!".

Being a grandmother was only one of the titles in life she was robbed of. She was physically a grandmother, but due to her disease she couldn't be the one she wanted to be and dreamed to be.

My mother's illness was a neurological disease that slowly, and painfully deteriorated her brain and her physical abilities. My father was her sole care-taker and lost everything emotionally & financially taking care of her, all while raising 3 children (basically by himself). He lost two homes, went into lower income housing and would always try to get the government to help, but at the time, they didn't offer any assistance financially for the caretaker. Now they do. He couldn't bring himself to put her in a nursing home until 5 years before she passed away. The reason he finally did, was because when he would take her for her much loved rides in the car to see the world and beauty around her, he would have to lift her to take her out of her wheelchair and put her in the car. Because of her illness, her body was always fidgeting and moving, he would constantly be fixing her so she wouldn't fall down or always had to have his extra senses working in case she fell out of bed, or just while trying to sit in a chair. He would feed her, dress her, bathe her and basically would do everything that later I would have to do with my own baby. He would cut up her food into tiny bites and get her cups with straws and try and hold the straw still so it didn't choke her with her jerking movements. He would brush her hair and sing to her.

She really wasn't able to communicate for those 5 years (although she did a little to my dad) and her body and mind were almost in a vegetable like state. I would hear her telling me something, or hear her moaning to me like she was trying to say something and maybe she was. I would bring Matthew down to see her and share his stage of development by at first singing lullabies that she sang to me, so could see me sharing that moment with my son, later it became Matthew singing to her of The Wheels on The Bus or whatever children's song we knew at the time.

When she would lie in bed, her head would automatically rest in a position facing the wall. So I covered the wall with pictures of my son 350 miles away. There were 11 x 14's, I love Grandma ones, etc. Every time she would look at that wall, he would be smiling at her. The aides at the nursing home would tell me sometimes they would walk into her room and she would be smiling looking at him.

I thought I had built myself to be strong. I definitely have had more than my years of hard times. My mother started the mental part of the disease when I was around 7. I am now 39. I missed my mother my whole life as she deteriorated even though she was physically there. There were and still are no "groups" for me. The motherless daughters groups over the last few years I looked into before she passed. They were all for daughters whose mom had passed or gave them up for adoption. I have been grieving most of my life for my mom without her being physically gone. When I was planning my wedding, going to Ireland, when I had my son times when most daughters need there mom, I didn't have her in the state that I needed her. Now that she is gone, I thought it would have been easier. Some people said why are you taking this so hard? You knew it was coming. Unless you have walked in my shoes, don't judge me on the grief process of my mother. There is no way to describe the pain I've felt.

My mother started with fluid in her lungs in November of 2005. My SIL in PA called me and told me I had basically a few hours to get 350 miles if I wanted to see her before she died. I made it in time and luckily for me, she held on a few more months.

In February 2006, we had to postpone Matthew's birthday party due to the weather and wound up having it the same weekend as Eric and my 11 year anniversary instead. His party was on Sunday. My friend "L" at the time lost her father - in -law and on the Monday night I was planning on going to the viewing. Monday morning I was coming down my hardwood stairs and I fell down all of them. Eric was home when it happened and made sure I could still take care of Matthew and then he went off to work. The pain in my leg was horrific that day. I couldn't go to the bathroom because stretching my skin around the area, was painful enough to bring tears to my eyes. I decided that unfortunately, I wasn't going to be able to drive myself to a viewing that night and eventually by the next day the pain in my leg would lessen. The bruise stayed for a month though. My whole upper part of my left leg was purple and black. The last time I had seen a bruise that big on me, was after having Matthew.

On that Tuesday I started to develop a cold in the nose and head and got a call from my father, saying that again my mom had fluid in her lungs and that again she was modeling (meaning no blood and her limbs were turning blue). I called Eric at work and told him he needed to come home and watch Matthew so that I could drive to PA. He immediately came home and I was at the nursing home by the evening. I'll never forget that fear of walking into that room. My whole life I was the one who in the Italian/Irish family, the oldest was always in charge of keeping us together or being the strong one, to hold up my dad and my brothers. How was I going to walk into that room and stay strong for my father? But I did, from somewhere deep inside my soul, and with God's help from holding me up...he carried me and held me up and gave me the strength I needed.

My cold was also getting worse as each day went by. I would wear those hospital masks in fear of making my mom worse. Not understanding the aides when they said that it didn't matter now. Not understanding when they started bringing in trays of food for us which they never did before. Thank God at the time, the nursing home she was in had the most loving, thoughtful, caring and wonderful staff although my father was always on top of them setting them straight and never taking his eyes off of my mother.

My brothers, my father and I were there for her for those last 3 days. I hadn't been able to sleep since I got there, so by Friday I thought I would be able to finally get some sleep. My mother spent the last day or so blue, with my brothers, my father and I just trying to keep her covered. We all sang, said our prayers and told her everything we ever wanted to say. My brother would try to get more drink in her (name in now gone of what it was). We wanted so much to ease her pain, her suffering, her lips were parched and there was nothing we could do. Our hearts were broken and we were pleading with God to finally take her at let her be at peace.

I swore I wasn't going to close my eyes until her last breath. My brothers and I said the rosary which I had not done since holy communion, but somehow it came back to me. I held my mom's hand all night and wasn't going to let go. Her hand that when I look at my own typing, is the same hand, the same skin, the same blood. My father and my brothers would occasionally take 5 minute naps between our grief, but I couldn't. I sat next to her and prayed and let her know that we forgive her for everything that was "due to her illness", that we always loved her, that we were sorry we couldn't have been there more for her, that I lived so far away etc. In hindsight, now I believe she held on those last 3 days because for the first time in at least 3 years, she had her 3 babies with her and there was no way she was going to let us go. She had every right too. At 4:45 am on February 25, 2007, her breaths were so rapid, so hard to watch her chest and her eyes so gazed. I looked up at my baby on the wall in his 11 x 14 picture and let go of her hand, because something within me was thinking of how I can't let Matthew go, how attached I am to my baby. I grabbed the picture and held him across my heart and closed my eyes. I fell asleep for what seemed like only a few seconds. I woke up to hearing my brother yell to get the nurse because her breathing was getting harder. The nurse came and as I am holding my father's arm, she said " She is taking her last breath".

Then at 4:55 am, she was calm and an immediate shaky smile came over me and I said Dad! She's Free! Did you see the movie City Of Angels? She is flying over our heads right now, out of this nursing home and for the first time in 5 years, she is going to see her mountains, she is going to have a party with her mom & dad, she is going to see the sunrise with us driving back to my father's about a half hour later, She is going to do it with the beauty that was robbed her so many years before. She is going to fly to my house and peek in the window at my son, she is going to see her other grandchildren and have health again! The whole world and such a wait just lifted off me in my heart.

Before we left the nursing home, I had the horrible task of going through her things that we later decided to donate to other patients. But I did grab one little stuffed dog, that back in January when I last brought Matthew in to visit her, he loved playing with. This dog is the spitting image of our dog Pooker Bear (see my photos in Flickr). This dog was my mom's caretaker before my father lost his house. We adopted him at the time and then he passed away when Matthew was 6 months old after 14 wonderful years. He never left my mom's side when she would walk up the avenue in the town they lived and forget to turn around. Anyone that went near her, he barked at to protect her. I wound up burying his ashes with her.

The day that she passed, I somehow remained strong and positive that a wonderful thing had just happened, while I helped my father and brothers plan our mom's viewing and mass and get through that. I wound up having my cold getting so bad that by the day of my mom's funeral on Tuesday Feb. 28th, I wound up getting a perforated eardrum and going to the hospital and then having to have my father drive me back to MA due to the Demerol they gave me for the pain. My own father on the day he buried my mom, had to go to the emergency room with me just hours after the dinner we had at a restaurant. It broke my heart that this was happening. I thought I was going to send him over the edge, witnessing my pain, I thought he would have a heart attack from the stress of it all.

But somehow he survived, I survived, my brothers are all somehow surviving and we go on.... and just pray and love each other because life is short and that is why you have to love your neighbors and just be nice to people in general, be nice to strangers on the street, be nice to people in your life and always just live life to the best and be happy that your life is still yours to live and breathe and see God's world because if you look at it through the eyes of someone like my mom who had no choice in what happened to her, you would so not take each day for granted.

Lastly, I wanted to add my mom's mass card with the most beautiful picture and prayer that we could find that matched her to a tee.

Reasoning behind my Blogging

Ironically I was thinking about posting this today and after an interesting conversation today with someone, I thought it would be a good time to do it.

A few years ago, I read The Friendship Crisis by Marla Paul after feeling like I wasn't making any connections with the mom's in my mom's club or at the playground. I was very enlightened and decided as she says "Don't ever give up trying" to take that advice. We were going to be moving back into our home after doing our addition in May of 2005 and I decided to put out a flyer to all of the mom's on the lake we live in, stating "To ALL working and stay at Home Mom's". I was looking to start our own group of Mom's in the neighborhood for play dates, mom's night's out, connections for babysitting and just basic friends down the street or next door. After putting out 100 flyers, I got one reply from a mom of a 12 year old boy that she wanted to get him started in babysitting. I said I for myself anyway, was hoping for someone older for Matthew (preferably someone with Babysitting experience through the Red Cross due to us living on the lake) but that once I got more replies from other mom's we would get this group going.

It never got going. I am a member to many mom's groups online always looking for mom's for play dates for Matthew and can't even tell you how unlucky I've been. Either the group cancels the event or it would be for babies alot younger than Matthew's age or on one occasion just recently was when Matthew was sick.

I started this blog because I am aware of the sickos out in the world. I wasn't going to use myspace after hearing so many horror stories. I knew that blogging and being part of BlogHer or other Blog Rolls aimed toward Mom's that at least I would make some connections out in the real world with other mom's. It's been a long 4 years of not having any other women on a daily basis in my life and this is my way of sharing about my family while still trying to make some connections out there.

One of the first blogs I read was from Jenn at Blogher on The New BackYard Fence . I completely related with her and also with some of her own posts on her own home site called Mommy Needs Coffee (another common denominator between us).

So if anyone is worried anymore about my taking chances with my son, please be assured that I not only am among millions of other mom's out there in the same situation, but some with astounding advice and warm hearts too.

My son is my only reason for living. I would never in a million years do anything to jeopardize him. And I know that for the creeps in the world, they have victimized other children out there whose parents probably said the same thing. I can only hope and pray that they keep away from my son. But like other terrorists in the world, to let them keep my thoughts to myself or keep me from my way of expression is my giving in to them. And this isn't the same thing as how I felt about not letting the terrorists affect my life after 9/11, it is the kind of terror that grabs the brain by fear and says you have no right to be human and have your right to freedom of speech.

And me being an Italian/Irish Sagittarius girl that I am, I won't stop talking as long as I have the ability to think. My mother suffered from a disease for over 20 years that forced her voice to be quiet and all she ever wanted was to live life every day like no one was watching and take charge of each day and scream out to the world about the beauty in it. Out of respect for my mother, her illness and just me as a woman in general...I'm still living and I'm still talking and I'm still a mom.

Eric is just relieved to know that my blogging doesn't cost him anything. I told him if he looks at how many years I had no hobby or no one in the world to connect to, he shouldn't be concerned. There are worse things I could be addicted to then social connections.

Spring Organizing instead of Enjoying Spring

Well, today I blew it. Eric took Matthew out around 10:30 this morning to run a few errands. He came back around 2:00, but Matthew had fallen asleep in the car before they made it to the playground.

Eric thought he would take advantage of the 55 degree sunny day and clean up our front yard a little (before another 1-3 inches of the white stuff tonight). Eric had gathered enough piles of leaves and debris to make a trip to our town dump (which happens to be near the playground). They left and it is now 4:10 and they are not home yet.

How did I blow the day? We had piles of bills from the last 2 years since we did our addition, just completely overgrown in our bedroom deciding to make a permanent home on my dresser.

It is one of those jobs that after doing daily cleaning like laundry etc every week, that I put off. And here it is a couple weeks before tax time is due again and I just couldn't take it anymore!!

Before Matthew and our addition to our house, I used to be the most organized person. Eric knew if he needed something and asked, I would know exactly where to find it. We have a pile of papers from doing our addition that we don't want to throw away (bills paid etc). The pile is at least a foot tall!! I'd say I held onto my organizational skills as best I could, until the house was done and we moved back in (we had to live in an apartment for 10 months). I think my brain just said then, that's enough.....I'll concentrate on Matthew now and monthly bills and daily necessities and housework, but paperwork forget it!

Those were some of the longest 10 months of my life, taking care of Matthew, living out of boxes, wondering if this week we would be moving back, running errands to lumber companies, backing Eric up in his constant need to find the right price on everything from cabinets, drawer pulls to faucets and hardwood floor installers, choosing paint colors etc... Eric would work long hours at his regular job and then come and work on our house with his brother who basically built our house. Eric was the general contractor so he hired and would get at least 3 quotes or more on anything done to the house, and some of the quotes luckily we did get more....more than $5K in savings. They did the most beautiful wonderful job and I'm so thankful. I don't like to sound like I'm complaining about the house because I'm not, it's my brain that needs a tune-up.

It's ironic, because when our house was smaller I knew where everything was. Yesterday I went to bring out my Easter decorations from last year, and I can't find them. I swore I told myself that anymore smaller holiday decorations were going under my bed, that way I wouldn't have to look so hard again. Well, Matthew and I looked under my bed and I have 3 containers of Halloween under there, no Easter. So we put up our one bunny and I told him, "Don't worry Honey, Mommy will find the stuff". When I couldn't find it yesterday I thought, this is bad, I'm going to have to put it on a spreadsheet in Excel just to know where my inventory is, but then I'll probably forget that I made the spreadsheet.

I've tried to become more organized these days with my outlook calender, but if I forget to check my calender and ignore my reminders that keep dinging at me, that is no use.

Anyway, I hope that once we do our taxes this year and I spent the whole day today filing, that I will be able to see my dresser again in my room and my kitchen counter again. Then the next time Eric takes Matthew out, Mommy will just go for a ride in my car and crank up some Michael Buble!! LOL

To Blog Or Not To Blog...That is the question.

For some reason, I know it will be strange but I don't think I am going to blog today. Other than my little ones earlier.

I spent the last hour or so reading the millions of mom blogs out there and I just really love some of the names of them.

But now I think my eyes are crossing and I am going to get Matthew ready for bed. Matthew now sitting next to me at the kitchen counter, wants me to tell the world "I WANT TO GO TO BED BY MYSELF" like a big boy:-) lol

But first he wants me to tell you all about when we came home earlier from the playground and ToysREX (Toys' R' Us). He wants me to tell you about all of the mud in our yard from the snow melting. It is a big muddy mess and he just had the big need to shovel a garden and throw the mud up in the air almost coming down on his head, all before coming in the house and just after getting a new toy and going to the playground. And Mommy wants to tell all the other Mommies out there about how Matthew's Strawberry Milk spilled all over the floor as I opened our front door. Combined with Mud you can understand why it being only 7 pm that I'm tired... LOL

Mommy's Favorite Prayers

Just cleaning up my sidebar, now that I'm learning more and more each day about how to set up my blog:-)

Here are just some of my favorite prayers that I found via CatholicOnline

A Mother's Prayer to the Guardian Angels of Her Children
A Prayer To The Heart Of Mary
Make Me An Instrument Of Your Peace, St. Francis Prayer
Morning Prayer to St. Therese de Lisieux
Prayer to St. Anthony of Padua
St. Dymphna
About St. Matthew

Allergic!!

Yesterday Matthew and I were playing in a tent that Daddy made in his room. I said to him, "Can Mommy play with your little red kitty?" (small tiny stuffed toy), He said "No MOM, YOUR ALLERGIC!!" (which is true I am allergic to cats, first time though that he ever realized what that meant and to him that includes his toys:-)

Today I am trying to get us out to go to the playground. I just gave him a quick hot dog to get him out the door with some lunch in the belly. I said, Come on you have to finish your hot dog or we can't go yet. He said. "MAYBE I'M ALLERGIC TO HOT DOGS!!"

Previous Funny quotes of Matthew

3/11/07 - Matthew lying with me to take a nap looked up and said to me...Mommy, Will you be my girlfriend? I said, well honey I will love you forever, but Mommy is Daddy's girlfriend. He said, Well, I want you to be MY girlfriend. I said Someday! You are going to have so many girls, Mommy will be beating them off and won't be able to keep them away from you.

3/8/07 - Matthew watching animated caterpillar on Sesame Street doing exercises wearing a head band...says to me" Mommy, that thing on her head what make her strong"..I said, that's all I need:-)

2/23/07- Matthew just watched with Mommy a planning a Disney vacation DVD that I got in the mail.....I just said to him Mommy has to go upstairs and do some laundry so I can pack for PA tomorrow, he said "And I have to pack for Disney right?" LOL Poor kid, I don't think we are going to hold him off for a year, we might have to rethink when that trip is going to happen:-)

2/22/07- Mommy if you kiss your Diamond heart necklace, Daddy will appear home from work and give you a kiss back!!! He has my picture albums set up on my bookcase like a pretend work station with computer...when I walked up to him, He said..Hold on! I have to add that and type it!!! (because of me telling him that this morning)

Some funny Italian humor for today!

Now that I know how to do that link to web page thing, I'm all excited. hehe

Still going to post more later, but just had to share this!

Check out Father's Joe's blog and read his wonderful joke about Italian friends vs. plain old regular ones. Awesome!

Ok...It only took me almost 3 months to figure this out!

I have a habit of being so excited about learning new things, by myself to figure them out, that sometimes I skip simple directions.

Maybe if I had read blogger's help center's questions and answers I would have known how to Link To Another web page.

Live and Learn.

I wanted to do this the other day when I was referring to the wonderful blog by Debbie. If you visit the site this morning you will see a very beautiful picture of her with her mom. Her mom was beautiful and I love her red pants and red slippers. I'm a big "red" girl these days.

I will post more later, after I've had more coffee while reading MommyNeedsCoffee . Very Interesting today!!! LOL

OK...The lake is behind the house! These two waddlers are heading for the FRONT DOOR!!!

OK...The lake is behind the house! These two waddelers are heading to the FRONT DOOR!!!
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

OK...The lake is behind the house! These two waddlers are heading for the FRONT DOOR!!!

I'm not the only one confused with the weather.

As soon as I was done with my last post, I looked out my kitchen window and couldn't believe my eyes!! Matthew loved it!! I tried to open the door to get better pics, but they flew off!!

Pros and Cons of living in New England on a lake with a little boy! LOL

Remember When Wednesdays!! What do you think of when you hear these songs?

Usually around 4 pm I crank up the music in the kitchen and Matthew will sing, dance and show me his new moves or get out his guitar's or little drums and we have an awesome time!! Today we danced to Grease and Saturday Night Fever Soundtracks. hehe

I don't know why I feel like doing this today. I've been listening to some of my music this afternoon and I thought it would be kind of cool to share what I think of when I hear some of these songs. Where were you or what do you think of? Let me know!!!

1. (just because I just listened to it) Grease Soundtrack!! -We Go Together! - I know when that album came out, my parents had just won on an AM radio station $100 worth of albums. It was 1977 and my brother "J" and I were allowed one album each. This was my choice. My brother chose Village People's YMCA 8-track!! (he is going to kill me for this). One of my favorite memories though of the song We Go Together though, just came back to me when I just listened to it. I was like..wait, didn't me and Donna (an old good friend of mine) sang that with me once at a party at my neighbor's house!!! Way before kids...and lots of alcohol involved. Another good memory on the same exact note was with another treasured and missed friend "P" on a girls weekend out, way before kids, in Lowell back in 1992!

2. Boston's 1976 album!! - the whole album!! - LCCC when I should have been in my classes, but skipped them to drive around and party (1986). That is one of the best albums for summer driving ever! My husband and I on our videos of our vacations where we are driving, we bring our own cd's on it. Both times we have vacationed in Florida, either Key West or Clearwater area, we rented a convertible mustang and this album was blasting during the whole vacation!

3. Led Zeppelin - I love Zeppelin...not enough space to write about every memory. Two favorites though were in 1980 or 1981, Stairway To Heaven started playing on the only two rock stations at the time where I grew up. My best friend "K" loved it along with AC/DC at the time and every time we would hear it on the radio, we would call and say 'STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" is on _ _ _ FM BYE!!! and then because we didn't have any recording devices at the time, would sit next to the stereo until it was done. I would literally put my ears right up to the speaker and turn it up real loud. My parents had this very long magnavox stereo and I would just sit on the floor next to that speaker until it was all done. ( 9 minutes later) My second favorite memory of this album was, my favorite Aunt at the time. She was the most wonderful, loving, kind, Italian family loving, always had pies on the table, with Avon books because she sold them. My father said she would love me these days because we both loved to take pictures:-) I miss her alot. In 1980 or 1981 to me being 12 or 13, all I wanted was Zeppelin's album more than anything. I thought I would DIE without it. So my favorite Aunt got it for me for Christmas!! All I saw was this package wrapped and of course being a big album at the time, I could immediately tell what was under that wrapping. My favorite Aunt went to Saint status at that time to me.

4. Journey - every album - Steve Perry was so much better. I saw them last year in concert not thinking it would make a difference, but it did. I thought the music is what made them awesome and yeah Steve Perry was unbelievable, but they must have someone who can at least make the songs sound as good....WRONG!!! The one good thing is it was the first concert K and I had seen since Eddie Money back in 1988 and Def Leppard was co-headlining with them and I always love them. Any song with Steve Perry, Faithfully, Open Arms, Separate Ways I am in PA driving in the mountains and feeling it come through the speakers...Separate Ways reminds me of K doing a Pom Pom routine she had learned and so we still have the routine embedded in our minds when we hear that song.

5. Def Leppard - Do you want to get rocked???? - My brother "J" and I got into them very early, from High and Dry's Bringin on the Heartbreak that I still get goose bumps to. I could sit here and type every single song, but my fingers would hurt. Last year to get ready for my their co-headling concert with Journey, I bought Rock Of Ages, The Definitive Collection Disc's one and two...Basically, they have been in my car CD player ever since. I'm addicted. And yeah it used to help in the 80's when Joe Elliot had his mullet and hole in his knees of his jeans, but now it doesn't matter, his voice is beautiful, there sound is beautiful, mesmerizing and harmonious. One of my fav's is Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad.

The next two kind of have the same memory for me, so I am going to combine them.

6 & 7 Irene Cara, Fame and the music from the sequel to Saturday Night Fever. The movie was Stayin' Alive and John Travolta got all built and sexy in a sarong for a dance move where he had to do these high kicks with Fiona Hughes. Both Fame and that song from Stayin' Alive (I have to officially find out the name, but every time I watch the movie, I remember), I loved and wanted to be famous some day. Whether it was as a model, a singer, a dancer I didn't care because I loved every thing about the arts. And I was the most obnoxious pre-teen, teenager and even adult you will ever meet. I know being a Sagittarius has alot to do with that. Anyway, for both of those songs, my friend "G" who was a guy (just friends though) and I would have a blast on our street. He would be on one end and I would run to him from the other end and then when we passed each other in the middle of the street with the whole neighborhood watching, we would jump and do those high kicks ....I know you all know the kicks I mean. One of my favorite memories:-)

Well, I've decided to do this every Wednesday. I need some theme's I think. How about Remember When Wednesdays???

BTW: I need one of those Ipod things, Debbie!! I don't have one and I think maybe that IS what I needed on Monday:-) Just Kidding hubby, I'm happy with my speakers in the kitchen.

Matthew painting a pastel Easter Bunny March 2006

Matthew painting a pastel Easter Bunny March 2006
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Well, my little boy loves to do arts and crafts. Today was no exception, we spent the morning doing stickers;-)

This picture shows his talent last year of him doing a pastel Easter Bunny!

Maybe we will paint tomorrow so we can practice on his inborn talent again. He loves art as much as music. His Grandfather on Daddy's side is an artist along with his Aunt. His Dad isn't too shabby either.

And my mom always was a wonderful illustrator, before getting sick. My brother "P" (for now, til I think of an appropriate nick name) also is an awesome artist...and then music also on my side.

This Kid Is Going Places!!!!!

Ok..so I change my template as much as my hairstyle????

So what!!! LOL

I like the look better now of a white background....but I am always rearranging my furniture, changing hairstyles....so look out world wide web!!!!

Today White, Tomorrow maybe chartreuse or magenta???? LOL

hehe

Manic Monday, Thankful for Tuesday, Mr. Mac-A-Roni Oni, The ABC's & The Big, Big Hill

Today is definitely going alot better than yesterday. It's funny because Manic Monday used to be a song that I loved by the Bangles (I think?). Whenever I say the words Manic Monday, I always think of going to the movies listening to that song in the car with a boy I dated at the time that was 5 feet tall. I was 6 feet. He would hold my hand with his little stubby fingers and I would think, what am I doing here? He was so nice though that at the time, I didn't want to break his heart. But I eventually did and that song became locked in my brain as our song from that moment on. It's funny how things like that happen!

Now Manic Monday has a totally new meaning to me!! One with spinning my wheels and chasing my son in circles figuratively while my not seeming to get anywhere, like a hamster in it's cage going round and round on that wheel. That's how Mondays are to me now.

But now Tuesday's. I'm going to have to come up with a name for my Tuesday's. Definitely more relaxed, more caught up and by Friday, Look OUT!! I'm so ready by Fridays and then the weekend with Daddy home.

On Sunday, Daddy had taken Matthew in his snowsuit to a playground nearby that was covered in ice. They chipped the ice off and had a fun time anyway. That night Matthew told me all that they did. He mentioned that the see-saw was broke and that a man with tools would have to fix it. I asked "Daddy?". He looked at me and said "No Mom, another man with tools named "Mac-A-Roni-Oni" very seriously.

Yesterday Matthew told me that Mr. Mac-A-Roni Oni was going to fix the see saw and that he lived in our village. I said"Oh, I didn't know we had a village?" He just rolled his eyes and said, "You go up there and turn that way and that's the village"....(hehe) I wasn't going to correct him letting him know that in this town they call it "the center".

He also has been going on about "the big, big hill". Eric took him near our library on Sunday, where there happened to be a hill good for sledding. Matthew has been talking about it non-stop since. It's HUGE MOM!!!!

This morning I knew that I was going to get out with him. I had to buy him some much needed clothes so I told him maybe we could go look at it? Maybe this week we can go?

While I was getting him dressed today. I said "Let's sing our ABC's while getting dressed. And he did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". I only had to help with L and Q, and then he sang it again by himself!!! I have never been so happy in my life. It has only taken me til he is now over 4 years old. I said "OK, Now we are going to start writing your ABC's and your name." He said, NO!!!!

(one step at a time)

We were getting ready to leave the house with all of our winter gear on that takes 5 years to put on, just to get out of the house. I said "Honey, Mommy can't wait til warm weather when we don't have to think of coats, boots, socks, gloves etc? We just got to brush our teeth before going. Mommy can't seem to find my house keys?" All the while talking to him, looking everywhere for them. We have a key holder by our front door that we hang our keys on. Matthew figured out a few months ago, that if he stands on his Time Out chair just right, he can get a key down while we are going potty, and open the bathroom door.

I literally checked every coat, my purse everywhere and I said "I wonder if Daddy took them by mistake?" He said "No, Mommy, here they are!!!!!!!" as he opened these little drawers that are hidden in a nearby table we have.....I said "OH!!! How did they get there???" I said "Is there anymore keys I should know about hidden anywhere?" He said "Yep, right here!" opening another one of those little slide out thingamajigs we have.

Finally we are getting out of the house, and I told him we are going clothes shopping and then you can show me where you saw the "big, big hill" !!! He said "OK! Can we go down it?". I said "Maybe not today, but definitely tomorrow! Mommy has to buy you clothes and then we will have lunch, but definitely tomorrow. Let's shake on it!!!".

After him screaming at The SPIDERMAN AND BATMAN UNDERWEAR THAT HE NEEDS!!!!! in the store and they had to have toys within his view!!! Mommy! Look at all this stuff!!!! We left with just one toy, a few pairs of pants, some socks and some SUPERHERO underwear.

Driving home I said "OK, are you going to show me where this big, big hill is so we can come back tomorrow?". He said, "By The Library". (I knew where it was just letting him have his moment). I drive "By The Library" and up to this fence outside of a baseball area where in the distance is a big hill. I can see why to him it looks big, to me I remember hills in PA that would have made this one like a bump in the road. I said, "Wow HONEY, THIS IS HUGE!!!"....

HE SAID, "I KNOW MOMMY, THAT IS WHY IT IS CALLED "THE BIG, BIG HILL".......

Ok....Tubby Time? Manic Monday's? Anyone else out there have these? Still? LOL

It's funny how my Monday's are the same as my Monday's when I worked a "real" job in the workforce. Although I don't have the morning rush hour, or stress of screaming at the driver in front of me, because they should have known I was behind them and that it was important for me to get where I was going. (hehe-Thank God)

But like my rambling above, my Monday's are always spinning my wheels and not getting a shower until at least 4 pm if at all that day.

It all started last night when Matthew had been in his footed pj's all day. It was only 25 degrees out without the wind, so when Eric wound up taking him out to play we figured might as well keep the footed jammies on and put sweats on over them. With his snowsuit and the rest he would keep warm. I figured I would give him a bath once he came home from playing outside in the snow anyway.

Didn't happen, next thing you know, he wants to keep them on because they were comfy, wanted to watch a movie in them. By the time dinner was done, I said, "I'm going up to run the bath water and then give you a tubby." At first he was for it because he had got a new tubby toy from a nice woman that works with Eric, so he was anxious to show Mommy how it worked. But by the time the water filled up the tub, he wanted no part of it. He was making me deals while he was screaming at me yelling up our stairs.....while out of breath...saying "Alright! I'll make a deal with you!!!!! Just my bum!!! No Washing My Hair!!!!!!!!"""" I'm trying not to laugh, and hold firm, "No!", Your Hair hasn't been washed in two days...You need a bath and your hair washed". Daddy finally pipes in carrying him up the rest of the stairs and sets him on the bathroom counter. Now I know how tired Matthew was at this point, he had no nap all weekend again. Daddy looks at the tub and sees little specks of dirt on the bottom and my hair because I had to lean over the tub to make the temp right, and said to Matthew "I will have to empty this water and set it up again". I looked at Matthew and said "Tomorrow, first thing tomorrow we are taking a tubby and getting out of the house, come on let's go to bed and read a story".

Well, this is the manic Monday part...I will make it the short version. He had his tubby today, wasn't' til late morning, then I had to make him lunch, then he needed a nap. He just woke up about a half hour ago, and now Mommy still needs my tubby and it's now dinner time!!!!!

Hey I am still 25 percent italian, you got a problem with that?

Hey I am still 25 percent italian, you got a problem with that?
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Hey I am still 25 percent italian, you got a problem with that?

Just making sure that you all know he was asserting his heritage back when he was less than a year!!!!!!! LOL

Best Of Two Heritages - ITALIAN AND IRISH

Well, Mommy got her night out!!! Yeah!! Thanks to my good friend "TwinsMom".

We had a good time at the show. Cheryl Wheeler is so funny and her voice and guitar sound is so similar to Mary Chapin Carpenter who I love.

Before we went out, I visited with my friends mother in law for awhile and it was funny because on St. Patrick's Day, I found out she grew up in the North End of Boston. Little Italy. We talked about canoli's, ricotta pies and the just the wonderfulness of the Italian culture. I let her know I'm half Italian, half Irish, my maiden name means friend in Italian. This morning I emailed her my Grandmother P's recipe handed down to me from my cousin for what my grandmother called Easter Pizza.

The recipe was for 5 pies because she had 8 children and when the whole family got together during the holidays 5 pies was nothing. The recipe filling calls for 10 eggs, 3 lbs muenster cheese and 1 1/2 lb of ricotta:-) Talk about high cholesterol. The crust called for 8 more eggs!! LOL

It was so nice to meet someone who knew what that recipe meant to me. Someone who appreciates her heritage and the good food that comes with it!

One of the blogs that I love to read, that I just found the other night is about a nice Sicilian girl who moved from NJ to CA. She has a wonderful way of expressing her true self and her sense of humor is something too! We have alot of similarities in that she misses her hometown and appreciates little thing like the food in the area she is from. I miss my hot dogs with chili, fries with gravy and my mountains, not to mention my familia and also lost my mom in the last year. Visit her at http://www.acharmedlife.typepad.com/

Well, I told myself I was going to get us out today now that it is sunny, still only 25 degrees though! ugh!

I just wanted to mention though that the first thing Matthew said to me when he woke up this morning was, Mommy (smiling) I missed you!! Did you have fun with your band? LOL I reminded him that Mommy went to see another girl sing and that I wish it was Mommy and her band. It was so cute because he thinks when my father goes out when we are visiting him in PA, that he is playing with his band. (He can just be going out for coffee) And now he is thinking that with Mommy, yeah!!!!

I also wanted to mention that now that St. Patty's Day is over, I can also be proud to be ITALIAN!!!! OK....DAD!!! I know how my proud Italian father must have felt yesterday reading about Ireland, he wants us to go to Italy before we go back to Ireland.

Happy St. Patricks Day Everyone!

Well, we had between 6-9 inches of snow and then rain...so it is yucky out there. Eric and Matthew are going to go out ( I will go out in a little while) to try and dig us out. I'm hoping I can still make my concert tonight.

My friend called me at 8:30 this morning, and I told her just in case to have a back up plan. She said she will take her hubby if she has too, but still hoping I get dug out.

It wouldn't be so bad if my husband hadn't taken my SUV to work yesterday and then pulled down our steep and un-shovable driveway when he got home. This driveway is so steep that it is so hard to use a snow blower on it, because you could wind up with the snow blower on top of you from the weight of it.

For as many years as we have lived here, the plans for our addition have co-incited with plans for a new garage. The garage is so unsafe and is next to the steep driveway. Every year we say this is going to be the year that the garage comes down and a new one, and then a new driveway will also be done.

And I thought that having my new SUV 4 wheel drive would solve all my winter problems, but the last ice storm for Valentine's Day I couldn't make it up the drive-way. Pretty scary when you have a lake behind you when your sliding backward.

Anyway, I am going to make this short so I can also start on my Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner so at least we will have some sort of celebration today. We are very proud to be Irish. We would love to go back to Ireland someday with our son. Eric and I can't believe that it was 9 years ago that we were there and that his little cousin who was 3 then, named Shane would now be 12! Eric's family is from Moycullen, County Galway and we stayed for 2 days with them. They lived on the same land that his Grandmother was from. They had 4 children when we were there and made us the most delicious traditional Irish breakfast. They raised cattle for beef and even a bull was born while we were there that they name Hurlic. Shane couldn't say Eric, he said Hurlic so that is what they named the bull. They also mentioned that after we left they named a female calf after me as well.

We loved visiting with them and Ireland in general. We rented a car and stayed in B & B's and toured pretty much the whole western side from Connemara County Mayo down to Conner's Pass and the Ring of Kerry, the Dingle Peninsula. I have been blessed to go to Alaska, Cancun, California in my life, but Ireland was literally God's country. We had just bought a few days before our trip a new camcorder and made the horrible mistake of not reading the instructions before using it. We have 24 hours of video without the landscaping mode on, meaning my beautiful green Ireland was gray!!! And it was gray when we were there, with rain, but 10 minutes later there would be sun, and green hills and daylight until 10 at night so if you didn't get nice weather during the day, you still had alot of time left at night to still enjoy it. It was so scenic, picturesque, and full of our heritage. The people were the nicest of anywhere I've ever been.

I will have to continue this another day. I have to get out and help Eric before he holds it against me:-)

I just wanted to say Happy St. Patrick's Day Mom...I hope you are having a pint with Uncle M and Grandma & Grandpa and maybe even on a cloud over Ireland watching the parade in Dublin.

When you can't go out to play. You take more Pictures:-)

Well, today I have been busy cleaning up after our last few weeks of not feeling well. Matthew spent some time playing his games on Nick Jr. or Noggin this morning so it gave me some time.

I just looked out my kitchen window and thought, I have to take a picture of this.The blackness of the lake against the snow falling, and behind me my son licking what's left of his Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream and getting it all over his face. The beauty of two worlds.

The awesome scenery outside and the awesome scenery inside.

That is why I have so many pics. I am addicted and can't stop...someone please help me??? LOL

67 degrees, then snow? Only in New England & Mom's night out

Well, I'm not going to be talking about that "d" word anymore:-)

Yesterday we got out for a little while and it was 67 degrees:-) Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were so happy just to be outside and Matthew is really appreciating spring coming and living on the lake. He wanted to fish, but Daddy didn't have any rods hooked up so I told him next week.

So, he had fun anyway looking for worms under some logs we use as landscape edging down by the lake. He found a string and was so cute hooking it onto branches hanging over the water, telling me he was going to catch a fish. I didn't spoil his fun. He was just loving being out and enjoying nature. He even mentioned we had a sting ray and a jelly fish in the water. I tried to tell him it was algae and explain what it was. He kept asking if it was going to bite him.

I got a book the other day at the library on birds of the Northeast by James Audobon. Matthew loves this book and every time he heard a bird chirp, he'd yell" Mom, get my bird book".

Then last night, the weatherman said tomorrow rain and in the evening and Friday, possible nor'easter and snow/sleet! What!!! Listen, Mr. Weatherman, we are done with that season!! No more!! How am I going to explain to my son why there is snow again? And that it will be cold again!!

They say if you want to know when the weather will change in New England, just to wait two minutes. I know that this is happening outside of MA also, but I don't care. I'm sick of it. We just want sunny warm days at the park, zoo's, playgrounds and on the lake...is that too much to ask? LOL

I am looking forward to Saturday night. I am going with a mom/friend of mine who has been trying to get me to hear this girl in concert for over a year. We had tickets to see her in January and she cancelled due to Laryngitis and rescheduled for Saturday night. It has been a long wait, but we are going to have fun. The artist's name is Cheryl Wheeler. My friend burned me her CD, and she's pretty good. I love Jann Arden and she is similar in that she has a comedic performing intimate quality to her shows, so it will be nice to escape life in my mind for awhile.

Then on Sunday, we will go into Boston for their famous St. Patrick's Day Parade:-) Hopefully the weather will be decent that day.

Somewhere between laundry, cleaning bathrooms and floors

Just checking in to let you all know that someone's still got the "D" word. It is a capital D now instead of a little d...it has been long week so that deserves capitalization.

Tomorrow morning I am calling his doctor (today being Sunday). I told him we are going to see Connie (her name) and he said while on the potty...."Is she going to give me a shot?"..last time we were there, he got the flu shot. I said, No.....He looked up at me and said..."Is anyone else going to give me a shot?"...I just smiled and said I don't think so honey...

You know how they send in another nurse to give the shots then the main doctor or nurse, he remembers.

I feel like the last week has been one of the longest of this whole winter. Matthew was running low on sweats, socks and outgrowing his underwear. Wrong week, not to make it to the store. I have washed so many sweats and soiled underwear in the last week that I think we have spent as much on water than I would have it I just had made it to the store and bought new ones.

I finally got to thoroughly clean the bathrooms today. He said he's sorry for dirtying up my potty. I said, Don't worry about it, that's why we have the potty, that's what it is for....

I just want him to feel better. I am now making him plain shells for dinner because I read on a website, named WEBMD that plain pasta is good for him now. He is happy to be getting "sea shells for dinner" while watching Spiderman.

Well, gotta go, just wanted everyone who reads to say a little prayer that my little boy isn't too dehydrated tomorrow when I finally get him to the doctor.

Bellyaches again and Escapes of Song!!!!

Why does it always seem like I'm posting about Matthew not feeling well. The bug he had earlier in the week only lasted that one night but he never re-gained his appetite so I knew something was up. This morning we were going to finally be heading out with a play date with a new mom's meetup group I joined, and he has the "d" word again!!

So, now I am the bad mommy making him miss it. I'm telling him as soon as he is feeling better, I promise we will go (but little does he understand that means it won't be with the group I joined, just us).

It is so heartbreaking for me and him. Right now my main objective is to tend to his belly and get him better. But he doesn't understand that.

I can't wait for spring!!! At least then, when he is sick, I can still open the doors and let him out in the yard or on our deck. The place we were going to go to today was an indoor sports complex that basically just lets the kids run a football field's worth of energy off all while being indoors and warm.

On a good note: My father was visiting a good friend of ours in NJ and although I hoped he bought that winning ticket, he didn't...but he made it back to PA alive and well. I don't know if I've mentioned in the past, but my father was always my rock. He still is. He has so many admirable, loving and kind qualities and is so talented as well. He is known as the Frank Sinatra of the part of PA we are from. He is a song stylist and does weddings and other venues and has even opened up for Lou Rawls.

When I was growing up, singing in my house was the only thing we all did for escape and expression. My brother would play air guitar and dance to Elvis and sing Billy Joel and Neil Diamond, while I would wrap myself up in a sheet and pretend I was some exotic model from another world. My youngest brother is 11 years younger than me and so he didn't get to witness some really classy stuff but when he joined us I made sure to brainwash him into my love of music over my other brother. I wanted him to know zepplin and rock and not Billy Joel, but regardless he developed his own tastes and is the funniest person I know. He used comedy and music as his escape. But singing was all of our combined strength that we still love almost as much as breathing itself. People could never have conversations with us if there is a microphone around. And sometimes even if there isn't a mic, they can't converse with us. We are like, talk we can't talk? But sing now, that is another story. And the scary thing is that now that two of us have children, Matthew and his little cousins are the next generation of hogging the microphones. I can't even sing anymore with Matthew home unless it's in the kitchen on the computer and without a mic.

Well, someone just put a whole big enough in his sock that all 5 TOES ARE PUSHING THROUGH! LOL so I will have to cut this short:-)

He's so peaceful

I know that Matthew is now over 4 and shouldn't be napping, but when he is tired, he naps.

I'd say out of 7 days a week, he naps for an hour to two about 3-4 of those days. We usually skip the weekends because when Daddy is home, Matthew has no interest unless we are driving him somewhere and he passes out. On Monday's he'll nap because Mommy had a long weekend without him napping and also because by then he needs one.

I try not to beat myself to much over this issue, because he was just beating me up over the fact that he wasn't tired and crying....and yawning all at the same time. And two seconds later, with me lying next to him still (mommy needs alot of work on this issue), he is passed out so peaceful.

And I don't just mean peaceful for Mommy...quiet time. Peaceful as in look at those little lips, and ears and nose...that everyday peek at my baby...growing up but still has those little baby features that still grab my heart each time I see him.

I would love another baby for him to have a brother or sister, but it must not be in God's plans or it would have happened by now. That is why I have this blog, or my pictures or videos. Every time I get that pull when I look at him, I just have to pull out my memories. Although it would have been nice to have more children, we know now that it takes more than just love of a baby's skin and smell and more than even just love. If everything else was in place and God was in agreement, I know I would have had a bigger family a long time ago.

Matthew was part of two fertilized embryo's that were inseminated and only one took. He could have had a twin. I know now, that God knew Mommy couldn't handle one let alone two, but can you imagine two (God Willing Healthy) blessings of him, maybe a little girl even? It is remarkable that science was able to bless us with God's hand in it as well. What if the doctor that day grabbed the wrong embryo or didn't do it just right? There are so many variables that could have made it not take, like the times in my past.

So here I am again letting you all know how blessed I am. How I couldn't imagine life without him or how did I survive life before without him? My dreaming of him was everything he turned out to be. When I was younger I used to tell K that someday when I have a little boy he will wear Levi's and Hi-Tops and his little jean jacket....and listen to Led Zepplin and now he's here. It's funny because I have a picture of Eric that if you put it right next to the picture of Matthew in my profile (with jean jacket one)- it is eerie. They look alike regardless, he came out of my belly and the doctor held him up and I said..they just pulled my husband out of my belly. I am posting the picture above when Matthew was 8 months old with Eric holding him. The picture is taken in front of what used to be our house, before our addition was done. I think this pic is beautiful because not only does it capture the stunning blueness of both of their eyes, but it captures the love as well.

Well, gotta go wake up my sleepyhead:-)

Stomach bugs again.....ugh...

Well, Matthew was up all night with vomiting and going to the bathroom... Daddy (thankfully for Mommy) took most of the shifts and he even changed the sheets and re-made the bed, all after getting a fire going in our basement to help heat this big house.

Anytime I'm sick or Matthews sick at night (which hasn't happened since he was an infant), it reminds me of those days when he came home from the NICU. Those days, those months, those long hours that I never in my mind was ever prepared for. And if anyone could have told me, I know it wouldn't have stopped me for praying for my baby.

Sleep deprivation is something that no one should have to go through. Neither parent, nor child. In hindsight, I wish we had hired a nurse to come home with me and stay and help me just to get past the first month or so. Because he had spent the first 32 days of his life with nurses in the NICU, mommy just had to bring in the breast milk and hold him all day (which they yelled at me for). When he came home, boy was I in for a big splash of water thrown on me.

As you can tell by the pics he was and still is my love and my life so when I talk about the bad times I always feel guilty, like who am I to complain, he is here after so many years of not being here, yet I have to share or there goes my whole starting a blog thing to be honest with everyone and get it all off my chest.

Confession #1: I had no idea what I what getting into having a child with no one around for physical support. I had pre-clampsia, a c-section, a mother in a nursing home 350 miles away, two dogs-one ailing and both w/kennel cough, small house -we were on the 8th year of planning our addition (which we beautifully thankfully and graciously now have), neighbors that worked, baby home in the winter time and then told not to leave the house with him til June because he was a preemie. I had him due to IVF and fertility drugs so I know that after having a baby with hormones and all just trying to get back to normal and with no support and months of sleep deprivation due to all night feedings and colic, it was bound to have a lasting effect on me.

Confession#2: 4 years later, I am still catching up on my sleep, still suffer from depression after years of infertility and the other outside stressors mentioned above and I still struggle everyday with normal fears and challenges. I feel like a weakling sometimes. And others like now with my blogging and what I am doing to have my son have this lasting tribute from his mother to him, I feel like a surge of energy is running in me and it is so good for my soul and my mental state. I have been home alone with him for 4 years and I feel that this is my first step back into some skills for mommy? some sort of hobby? but definitely with the end result being - a better mom for him.

OK....now I am taking time off today from the PC to devote to my angel's belly so I will check back in later.