Remember When Wednesday - Matthew's visit to Zoo at 18 months old

Once I start looking at my punkin's pics on the computer, I literally am entranced and can not move my feet from the ground.

I am stuck and in love. Reminds me of that Lionel Richie song Stuck on you. I have probably 5,000 pics of him since birth on our computer. My parents had probably less than 100 of me in my whole lifetime. I know it was not the era of the digital camera. I wish it was because for me to be able to create a view into his world for him to look back at someday is something that is priceless. I have movie films of my family growing up but they didn't even have sound. It would have been so awesome to hear my mom saying whatever it was she was saying to me with love you can see on her face. Matthew will never have that problem. He has videos and movies and pictures with us to remind him of our love.

This morning I got stuck on pictures I found where we took him to Southwick's Zoo in Mendon, MA when he was 18 months old.

The first and last picture are of him in the petting zoo. I love what looks like him grabbing a turkey's bum.

The other pics are of myself with him and Daddy and him looking at the monkeys.

My blogs are shorter these days because I am busy creating more memories and cleaning (as usual).

Daddy has to go to PA next week with work so we are trying to plan our trip to go as well.

Enjoy.

Mommy and Matthew at Memorial Day Parade

Mommy and Matthew at Memorial Day Parade
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Well, we went to the parade today. Matthew enjoyed everything but the ceremony.

Click on the picture for more great pics from yesterday and today, including the new other "woman" in Daddy's life. She keeps him warm and fed, so he calls it a she... LOL

Picture Matthew took of Mommy and Daddy at WW1 Memorial Park

Picture Matthew took of Mommy and Daddy at WW1 Memorial Park
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Well here it is. A picture of Mommy and Daddy taken by Matthew after a few tries. Notice how far apart we are. That is because we only had so much time before Eric set him up and he actually took the pic, we had to hurry and didn't know if it was going to work.

Practice, Practice, Practice.

If he has our genes, he will be photograph hungry in no time.

Today was a wonderful day at WWI Memorial Park. Click on this picture again to show you in Flickr the rest of the pics from our fun trip.

Papa Swan and Baby Swan feeding Swans On Our Lake

Papa Swan and Baby Swan feeding Swans On Our Lake
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

This is a memory we have made today. Daddy and Matthew feeding the swans a few pieces of bread....click on the picture to bring you to Flickr to see what happen's next.

Reasons Why I love New England

For the past 24 hours I have been searching for photos to express what I wanted to get across. Unfortunately, alot of my pictures that I have need to be scanned and so I am so thankful that the world wide web has so many avenues to provide me with these photos.

• The first picture is of Point Judith Lighthouse in Rhode Island and was taken by roddh's photos at Flickr. It is really a beautiful picture.

Eric and I discovered PJ a million years ago when he had his Chevy Blazer. We used to go on adventures looking for 4 wheel drive paths near the ocean whether Cape Cod, Rhode Island and even in New Hampshire and Maine. Basically anywhere we drove, if we saw what looked like a nice beaten path, we would check it out.

One year, Point Judith is what we found. You can't see from the picture but on the other side of the lighthouse is a jetty that form's a little inlet where you can go swimming. We have had a lot of fun there and hope to start bringing Matthew now that Memorial Weekend is here!

• The next picture is of a view towards a village near Padnoram, MA which is near South Dartmouth, MA. Again, I was lucky to find this picture from a real estate rental website. Unfortunately, the rentals are 3K a week, so we won't be taking advantage of the home.

Eric and I also discovered Horseneck Beach in Westport, MA which eventually led us to South Dartmouth. We love Padnoram Village and I tried like heck to get a picture to really show the beauty of the village that has been in existence since 1652. It is an old fishing village that is still a very active harbor and is now a very quaint New England coastal village with such beautiful charm. It is very small, yet very beautiful. Every house on the main road has beautiful gardens similar to the ones Nantucket is popular for.

• The last picture is another wonderful find on Flickr by saucygrrl's photostream. The trail is at Coonamesett Farm in Falmouth, MA.

Another favorite of mine. Eric and I found this before we bought our house. We would take our canoe and bring it down the cape with our blazer and one day, we said "Where does this trail go?" The trail in the picture doesn't show the beauty of what I'm trying to portray. I am hoping now with my digital camera to get back there to really show the place I'm talking about. The trail that we found is God's heaven on earth on the Cape. The trail we took led us through a deep dense forest with humongous trees (that got really hit with Hurricane Bob). The path led to Coonamessett Lake. It was like a Gold Mine find for us in those days and we have many wonderful memories of that time and place.

There are so many more beautiful places around New England that I love but Eric will kill me if I stay on the computer all morning. We have to make more memories, now with Matthew.

REMEMBER WHEN WEDNESDAY- MOMMY AND HER DADDY 1968

Happy Birthday Dad!

Without you, I wouldn't be here.

My son wouldn't be here.

You are my rock and my heart and soul.

You have been my mother and my father all in one.

Without your strength I wouldn't have survived so far in life.

The best present I could give you for your birthday is my love and my son.

Your Grandson, my miracle is your gift to me and my gift to you in return.

We love you.

Have a WONDERFUL DAY!!

Wish I could be there with you to have cake.

LFAADABTMAS, your favorite daughter.xoxoxox

BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS & FINALE WEEK

This morning I was woken by my little lovebug's kisses. He said, "Let me in with you Mommy. It's so cold and your so warm and comfortable and cute". Only through the eyes of my child, could I be cute in the morning these days. He really is all I need to get out of bed every day. He is better than any cup of coffee or the sun shining through the windows.

Today his tactics were while jumping on my bed with me in it and yelling "I KNOW!! LETS DO BEDKNOBS!!

Next thing you know he is saying magical words and first stop - DISNEY WORLD!!

• Mommy, I don't know how elephant's fly!! Look at Dumbo with Lumpy!! (Heffalump from Winnie the Pooh) Mickey is here!! Mommy!!! Say Hello to Micky!! I said "Honey, You know Mommy doesn't like mice"... He said "HE"S FRIENDLY!!" I then told him the only mice I ever liked were Cinderella's. Next thing you know...BAM! There in my bed!! And coming out of the cracks they live in the walls. He held little Gus in his hand while I petted his fur. He took him off the bed and put him on the table and then said "He's such a chubby little guy". I said "Do you know who Mommy has always wanted to meet ever since she was a little girl?" He said "Buzz Lightyear". I said, "CINDERELLA!!" BAM!! Cinderella was there with me in bed. I told her how I always wanted to have tea with her.
• Next stop!! Mommy!! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO NOGGIN? We then had visits by Franklin, Moose A Moose, Upside Down Guys, Little Bear, Dora....
• Finally last stop PBS...Again, we had visits from The Tree Sloth and Monkeys from It's A Big World. They were in our trees outside the window. I said "Ok, Mommy has to get up and go downstairs now".

We walked downstairs with Clifford The Big Red Dog and Emily Elizabeth. Matthew is continuing his game downstairs giving Clifford one of his bowling balls as a bone. I told him he is so thoughtful.

Over the weekend, we were in a cleaning out mood. For the first time in 17 years, Eric let go of some of his clothes for the Salvation Army. I was almost in tears with joy, I knew that if I held out long enough, he would come around. We cleaned out our closet and put away some winter items and really made alot of room in there that was hidden for the last few months.

Matthew offered some of his baby toys to his little 2 year old neighbor down the street. Yesterday we visited with her while he opened every toy, book and puzzle to show her how they worked. I am so proud of this new side of him that I knew also would come someday. I never wanted to push giving away his toys until he understood and had it in him, to give. To see the excitement in someone else's face and just the joy of giving in itself. He did it all with love and happiness. The only cranky moment was when it came time to come home. He is so sweet and thoughtful and I'm proud that these attributes are now coming out of him.

I am making my blogging less these days because we are so busy. Either getting the house ready for the nice weather or out today playing at the playground. We are just so happy that WINTER is gone!!! I'm not afraid to type it.....it's not coming back! At least not for a few more months.

Finally, I just wanted to say!! Hooray for FINALE WEEK!!! I am tired of being tied to the TV at night. I don't mind if it is my choice, but when I am addicted and can't stop until that final week, I don't like that. Last night on The Bachelor, Officer and A Gentleman...I was torn between the two women he would choose and knew whoever didn't survive was going to be heartbroken. It was so emotional and I wound up crying with Bevin as she drove away in the limo. But then so happy when Tessa wound up getting him. I was really rooting for her all along, until recently when Bevin went to Hawaii. Anyway, alls well that ends well. And himself a PA boy!!! Not too shabby!!

Tonight!! AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so upset last week to see Melinda go!! I watched American Idol Extra on Reality Remix to watch her exit interview and she is always so gracious. I really am excited that she got this far and can't wait for her album to come out.

Now!!! GO JORDIN SPARKS!!!!

And then that's it!!! I don't get hooked again until next January. I am hoping one of these years though to get a Tivo or something to tape it down so I don't have to be so bound to it.

That's it for now...playground calling!

FANTASY FRIDAY - SUNNY WARM SUMMER DAYS FISHING ON THE LAKE

Well, I know I said this before, but THIS WILL BE A SHORT ONE!

Matthew, for the last few weeks, has been hanging on me. You know that I love him and that he can hang on me anytime, but sometimes...it does get to me. Like it is now 5 pm, he is sick of the rain, sick of having allergies for over a week now. He even said to me today "Hey Mom! Do you want to go take a nap?" He never asks me. He was up early so I knew he is beyond arts and crafts, playing with toys or watching any more shows. Earlier in the week we did our teddy bear picnic on the rug.

We need sun and warmth. We need it everyday and if not everyday then at least 28 out of 30 days a month.

I am going to start planning some vacation stuff for us as a family to at least keep us focused on the season at hand. (It feels like 40 degrees today and it is May 18th) We need a fun place to plan to go to within reason (not Disneyland-that's for February). Some place we can all have a good time at that caters to each member of the family. Any Suggestions? Somewhere close to MA?

I'm really leaning toward camping. I've only been once and as you can tell if you look at my sidebar...I really want to go again. Although I really would love to get a cheap pop up because I know this is something once we do it, that we are going to love. If we can't get a pop -up then, I want to rent a cabin in the woods or buy a good size tent for our first family ventures. I don't want another year to go by, without the memory being made.

In the meantime, the pic above is just a little something to keep us all focused that yes, summer is here...and some fishing on the lake (another thing Mommy misses) is in our reach. Daddy got to go fishing earlier this week and the only reason I'm letting you all know is because I never in my wildest dreams imagined he still had it in him, to pull out another whopper of a fishing story. I thought those days were done. In the past he would tell stories and I could nod and smile, because I was there with him...so the description of the fish THAT BIG was really the description of the fish...that big. He is that way in all of his stories. Anyway that is part of his fisherman essence. And all of his stories were true....I was there or maybe I would be on the shore with the camera or he would bring the camera. It is just his way of describing it is LARGER than life.

I hope he doesn't mind me sharing his story. He might want to start a fisherman's blog. He can always just link back to me.

Tuesday night Matthew fell asleep before 7:30. Extremely rare in this house and so I said looking at the beautiful weather and the calmness of the lake "Why don't you go out?" His birthday was the next day so I thought it was fitting for him to start enjoying it, since he has to work during the day. About 2 hours later, he comes home and tells me:

• You wouldn't believe it! I was on the other side of the islands and I casted and got my hook tangled on a log in the water. He had let the line out a lot more than usual for the narrow area of water between the islands that he was in. He got the line all tangled and wrapped under the boat and now hooked on this log in the water. He sat fidgeting and trying to at least get some of the knots now in his line...just untangling, unwrapping, la di da... once he got the line unhooked from the log, he started reeling when...HE HAD A MONSTER!!! Him sitting in the canoe, line wrapped under the canoe all tangled onto a log, and then zap!!!! HE SAID "IT WAS THE BIGGEST ONE I'VE EVER CAUGHT IN THE LAKE" HE WAS AT LEAST UP TO MY KNEE CAP".

I said "Did you keep him?" He said "No". He is a sports fisherman and is very active in catch and release. I said, if he was even bigger than the general you caught last year, maybe we should mount one, one of these days? He just looked at me like I had two heads. I mean in our basement, our sportsman lodge someday. hehe

Last night while eating his birthday cake, he was trying to tell Matthew about his catch. Matthew said, "I CAUGHT ONE TOO DADDY DOWN BY THE DOCK!!"

Eric, brought down a notch, said How Big was it? Matthew said, HOLDING HIS HANDS OUT ARM LENGTH'S ON EITHER SIDE REACHED HIS UPPER BODY UP IN THE AIR AND YELLED....THIS BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not making this up....apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And fisherman essence is in there too!

Remember When Wednesday on Thursday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!

Babe,

Don't think of your age, think of your accomplishments. Without you there wouldn't be Matthew. That's something to celebrate !!

It's funny because as I'm typing this one of Matthew's shows is singing a Happy Birthday song!!

I just wanted to say that you might feel like you don't want today to come, but it comes anyway. One thing that remains is your son...his heartbeat is yours, his unbelievable image of you is watching you in a mirror.

I love watching both of you everyday, as you both discover more about each other.

My fisherman - He Is Your Best Catch...

Enjoy your day and as soon as the rain stops, I'm giving you the day off. I just want you to know that I'm aging with you so if you look at it that way, I'm still that 18 year old goofball in my brain..so that would make you still 24.

Have a wonderful day and tonight I'm making you a roast and Shaws is making you a cake (since Matthew already told you).

Love

Your wife and mother of your best catch

A Brief and Comical Glimpse into My Wonderful Weekend

We had a really nice weekend. It all started on Friday night when Twinsmom and I got together for a few hours of ice cream and Walmart.

It's always nice when we get the chance to get out. She is such a warm hearted kind hearted person and I am very lucky to have her for a friend. It's amazing that she puts up with me and doesn't give up. I think that's also why I like her so much. She takes my good and bad and that's what real friends are. We became friends when Matthew was 11 months old and her twins were 13 months old. We kept bumping into each other through playgroups, online coincidences where we join the same group and find each other again, and then to find out that her girls were conceived via the same reproductive endocrinologist that I used when we were going through IVF. She only lives 5 minutes away. What are the chances? We were meant to meet. I always feel so good after our time together, like my heart is at peace just because there is someone near who is there for me. I hope she knows she can always depend on me too.

Anyway, that was my wonderful start to my weekend. On Saturday we had decided to buy some granite blocks for stairs coming off of our porch and so we went and got those from a guy up near New Hampshire. It wound up being a blessing because we had a 5th birthday party for Eric's bosses son in New Hampshire at an awesome Science museum (see some of the pics in my flickr). We got there late so we only had a chance to see two floors out of five, but they were just enough for Matthew. I didn't get any pictures of an awesome Lego exhibit they had. I had never seen anything like it. A whole Mill village from early 1900 era with probably 20 mill factories, Victorian homes, bridges with horse and carriages, parades and carnivals of a roller coaster, Ferris wheel and and carousel all made out beautifully of Lego's! All enclosed in a casing so little fingers couldn't get to it. I can't even imagine the patience and determination put into something like that. We get tired just trying to do a tower...alright, not really. I'm not that bad. We do a little more than towers, but Eric built Matthew a colonial home that came out awesome. I think Daddies are just better builders than Mom's. At least this one.

Then after driving the whole way home from NH, Eric agreed to take Matthew for his favorite Fried Clams. We went to this wonderful drive-in type place that I love where they come out to the car if you leave your lights on and beep. I always love going to this place. It is right near a drive-in too that someday I am praying when Shrek 3 is in there, we can take Matthew. The whole town reminds me of PA.

On Saturday night when getting ready to fall asleep, Matthew said "Mommy!! Tomorrow is Mother's Day!!!! And were going to have a party and invite all your friends and have cake!!!" I said "Don't give Daddy's secrets away".

Yesterday morning when I woke up he told Daddy he had to nibble me (on the ear) for Mother's Day. He said we needed a family nibble and a family hug!!! I looked at Eric with tears in my eyes and just said "THANK YOU". He said "For what?"... I said "Matthew". He really is the best gift I could ever get for mother's day.

When I came downstairs, Matthew with Eric's help, made me a card and later picked me a purple crocus, a dandelion and bunch of green leaves from our lilac tree that doesn't bloom. I put them in my kitchen window and told Matthew that Mommy is going to keep them forever. I told Eric "Who knows maybe they will start to miraculously bud in the glass?" We don't have our hopes up for that one.

Eric gave me the nice gift (like last year) of choosing what I wanted to do for the day. I told him a few years ago, that as long as we are doing something together that I'm happy. Last year it was the 4th day in a row of torrential downpours so we wound up spending it in the house. I was online on Saturday and saw how in Boston they do the traditional Make Way For The Ducklings Parade on the common. I thought it would be wonderful to make that parade at noon and then Mommy and Matthew ride on the swan boats and Daddy could get a picture. I also mentioned that I hadn't had lobster in more than 5 years so I wanted a lobster too. I didn't care if it was bought at the local supermarket, but I wanted one. I was in a hurry to leave so I just threw on a pair of jeans with slide on sneakers and a little blue jacket over a red shirt, painted my nails red and thought I was good enough for just me and him in the swan boat? Right...I also didn't match with my purple little nine west bag...so out of it fashion wise...but I din't care we were going to just go on these swan boats right? Who'd see me? We got a late start and we didn't really prepare with calling restaurants that didn't need reservations so we basically drove around a few towns before I finally said "Hey, we are going into Boston anyway...what better place to get a lobster than Boston?" Other than Maine, of course.

On the way in, I looked down at my nails that were all smeared for some reason from helping Matthew into the car or toweling him off after his shower and I didn't bring anything with me. Nice start to my nice try to make mommy look good.

We went to this restaurant so out of the way that I don't know how people know it is there. Right on the waterfront. It is called The No Name Restaurant. We had views of Logan and planes landing, boats in the harbor, seagulls and other birds. Matthew was in his glory! I got my lobster. Matthew couldn't get over the guy putting a bib on me. I never wore one before but I envisioned making a mess since I am so out of practice so I kept it on. Never again. Those pics are also going to be deleted from my camera. Matthew said "Why you wearing a bib Mommy? Your a big girl!?!?"

We left the restaurant and then went to find parking for Boston Common. Well everyone and there mother (literally) were in town. We found parking 12 blocks away a block away from Newbury Street. We decided to stop at Ben & Jerry's on Newbury Street before starting our trek to the common. As soon as I started walking, I started feeling my old insecurities popping there ugly head. I'm wearing this...on Newbury Street??!?!!?!? Women were walking past me with the latest trends in sandals, manicured toes and dresses with gorgeous bags and hair and nails done....and not to mention all beautiful young tan women... I felt so disgusting. I joked with Eric while we were sitting at B & J's. He was taking advantage of his very discreetly using his sunglasses to watch the pretty girls. I mentioned it to him and he said..that's right. He was enjoying every bit of it. I then joked saying "Matthew, How about Mommy leave you with Daddy for an hour" I told Eric "I'll come back like Julia Roberts without the long hair, but nice dress, nails done and shoes". But that wasn't in the plan. Another day. Eric used to take me into Boston before we had Matthew for my birthday countless times, letting me go nuts to an extent acting like Julia Roberts. That used to be one of my favorite kind of gifts and he enjoyed watching me transform from mishapped beauty to a more put together one.

So, feeling insecure like I wanted to just disappear really quick down this long stretch of street to the common or maybe even go to the next block and head up, we walked up anyway. A few blocks down, I'm approaching these two girls on the corner with cute little black skirts and jackets on with tan legs and long hair...and on the one girls back I thought I saw the word POLICE. I thought must be some new uniform for the meter maids in Boston now? Just as I was thinking that...I saw the word above POLICE..FASHION POLICE.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I being the idiot I am, broke into hysterics to the girl and said "Oh, that is so cute!!" She looked at me and said "It doesn't cost that much to look good"...I said "DON'T BLAME ME, IT'S ALL HIS FAULT THAT I LOOK LIKE THIS..AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED I DON'T SPEND ENOUGH ON ME." Eric, mortified ran to the next block with Matthew. I said "Well, do I at least get a coupon to help me look better?" The whole time I am standing there I am waiting for the television cameras to come out and say I'm on one of those shows. I really thought they were really there. She reached into her bag and handed me what I thought was a coupon and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. I ran to catch up with Eric and reached into my purse to show him all the while laughing hysterically because I had already felt so insecure. She didn't give me a coupon!!! IT WAS A FASHION VIOLATION.......................

THAT'S IT...........................

I'M OUT OF THE CLOSET AND AM NOW FASHIONABLY DESPICABLE.................

I DO NEED HELP AND I REALLY COULD HAVE USED A COUPON.

The really horrible thing on top of it was that it wasn't a coupon, but you have to use your fashion violation as a entry to a $5K gift cards towards Marshalls. That means you have to walk into Marshalls and admit to it first....

No thanks...I'll just tell the whole world on my blog.

Before I forget to mention by the time my little guy was ready to go on the swan boats, they had closed them....

More tomorrow, but that basically was most of my wonderful weekend...

Bottom line...Matthew is my gift.

MOMMY AND MATTHEW HAVING ICE CREAM AT BEN AND JERRY'S ON NEWBURY STREET MOTHER'S DAY 2007

MOMMY AND MATTHEW HAVING ICE CREAM AT BEN AND JERRY'S ON NEWBURY STREET MOTHER'S DAY 2007
Originally uploaded by Matthewsmom.

Well it's been a long day and I'm just going to post this one little blog for tonight.

I had the most beautiful Mother's Day with my most beautiful gift from God in Boston today.

I will tell you more about it tomorrow...but for now if you want to see more, check out my new pictures I posted on my Flickr on the right side of the page...Enjoy and Good Night!!!

Happy Mother's Day Mom & Dad (Grandma & Grandpa)

This morning I was reading MommyNeedsCoffee. On May 5th she posted a very insightful blog asking for people to mention who the Mom's (as a verb) were in people's lives. It made me think about some important aspects of my life that I try not to remember.

The Hallmark aspect of Mother's Day. I love holidays and always am looking forward to any opportunity to buy a card for someone and in most recent days, have Matthew make them.

When my mother was suffering for so many years from her illness, I didn't always feel that way. There is nothing harder than reading through cards for mom's that go shopping, mom's that are always there in a physical state for their children, mom's that are always there in hard times, mom's that are there in good times. When your mother is lying in a degenerative, deteriorating state of mind and body, for years on end (the last 5-7 out of 25 years), finding those cards was nothing more than needing a phone call to a therapist to put it nicely. I couldn't not buy her a card, because she was still with us, in her physical state...for years it was grieving her of being gone, while she was still with us. The last few years I think I wound up giving her a simple one with flowers on the front with the most minimal message of Happy Mother's Day on the inside, just so she had something from me.

When I was younger I used to write lyrics for expression. One year for my mom's birthday or mother's day, I wrote her a poem/prose that said everything I wanted to say to her. We kept it on the wall of her nursing home room right between the pictures of Matthew, so that when she would lie down on her pillow and stare at that wall, it would be filled with love. Even though we don't know if she even understood the poem when I read it to her, knowing it was there for her was one way for me to ease my mind, like a part of me is there on that wall. Not 350 miles away. That if she just looked that way, and also at Matthew...I was with her.

Unfortunately, on our new computer I don't have my poem...I just realized this morning that the printed copy was placed in her casket with her, so I can't share it for now. I'm not giving up on finding the original on our old computer...don't think it is happening this weekend though.

I have also had the opportunity that due to my mother's state of illness, my father was my rock my whole life. He was both my mother and father and though it wasn't easy, his love and undying support of his children is still always constant. He lost everything financially and emotionally taking care of my mom. Due to the lack of support from the state at the time, he had to be sole caretaker. He didn't have the option to work; he had to always be there. I had moved away, my younger brothers were still there for him, but he always pushed us to move on with our lives. He encouraged us to be happy in our life choices and let us know that my mom wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My younger brother Elvis got married and lives a few towns away...my other brother Gorge just recently moved an hour south. While my father was struggling trying to take care of my mother, losing his home, moving into lower income housing, going from one aide to the next for day time care...we were moving on with our lives. My father couldn't depend on the states inability to provide aides that would take care of her full time. They also were so unfamiliar with her illness that they never stuck around long. They didn't have the training needed to deal with her disease, because it is such a rare disorder and at that time, even rarer. They also couldn't pay him for being the sole caretaker (that law has now changed. thank God). My father would take her for rides in the car so she could see the world, take her for ice cream and milk shakes, for hot dogs and buttermilk in NJ, for rides to MA up until it got too much and that was only if his car at the time could handle the trip.

I just wanted to briefly give a glimpse into why my father is my rock and is my "mom" as the verb and to say Thank You Dad!!! I don't know how I'd survive without you. I wouldn't be here. All your children wouldn't be here. We each face rough roads ahead of us and you did the best you could under the circumstances. You did all of it alone too with no outside support from other family members or anyone just coming in to give you a 5 minute break. You did it all with us all moving on with our lives and due to that I married Eric and now have a beautiful son, Matthew. You have 3 beautiful grand-children that Mommy would be (and is from up above) so proud of. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the strength, the courage, the determination, the un-selfishness in your heart, the sticking - to -it (so many other men would have left along time ago), the love. I thank you also from Mommy, because she would want me to. To let you know that your love and un-selfish acts is what got her the care she needed, and in the long run the nursing home and you did it all with no instruction manual, no society stepping in to offer support...you did it all by yourself and for so long. Allot of people say that you will be a saint when you get to heaven. I agree with them and love you so much. Happy Mother/Father's Day. Oh and Happy Birthday too...

Matthew's RSV & Fantasy Friday - My Mother's day wish & what I want for him in life

Just when I think I will be deleting my blog, Matthew goes and says something and makes me want to share it again with the world.

Matthew and I returned from PA on Tuesday night with him having the beginning of allergies/cold. It has been a week of runny noses and coughs and last night I had to give him his nebulizer due to his raspy & rapid breathing. He wants to go out and play so bad and the weather has been so nice, but his breathing scares me when he gets that bad. It brings me right back to him being 18 months old in PA when I had to take him to the hospital.

It was August and we had been visiting my family and he was taking a nap. He developed a 104 fever and was just in his little diaper when I was looking at the fast beating of his chest. It scared me because it had never happened before. I took him to the emergency room where they held him down to give him a nebulizer treatment and then showed me how I would have to do it with him. He was terrified of them and they wound up admitting him for 3 days and explaining he had RSV. At the time, I wound up having Eric drive down to PA to be with us because I didn't know how bad or what we were facing. As soon as Daddy got there, he was the only one to get Matthew to calmly let us give him, his nebulizer treatments....he told him "Let's just breathe in the mist"..and they sat on the chair in the room. Matthew let Daddy do it and felt at ease with him being there and with him holding him and comforting him. When he got released we wound up following each other back to MA. Matthew had to use the nebulizer for every sneeze/cold/cough up to 3 years old. The doctor then told me that he really only needed after that when I felt it was needed, which it seems is worse with his seasonal allergies.

Last night though, it really didn't seem to relieve him, so I am keeping an eye on him and trying to keep him from getting excited. I think I am going to have to ask the doctor about what's next? Do they give him an inhaler for on the go or at the playground? We can't always be staying calm in the house under house protection.

My brother Gorge had asthma his entire life. It kept him from being able to do so much and was always having asthma attacks and being taken to the hospital. I really hope and pray that Matthew's doesn't get that severe.

I was kind of afraid to blog all week. My time in PA was bittersweet. I got to see my immediate family but I think due to Matthew's beginning of not feeling well, I wasn't able to witness my niece’s communion (and I forgot my digital card for my camera). He had a little meltdown, to put it nicely. I had to leave the church for the whole ceremony. After having a talk with him, he promised that he would behave a few hours later at the party. Didn't happen. He was crawling under tables through people's feet of people he doesn't even know, running around the restaurant and not listening to me etc. He loved playing with his little cousin J, but it was more than that. The bold side of him took over. When he was just with little J, he was a sweetheart...one second playing peek-a-boo with her, the next grunting to me and running like a madman with no care for anyone in his way..he would go from sweet little angel...to sweet little madman...in seconds.

The next day Grandpa & I took him to visit the most unbelievable train yard and to a playground so he could work off his steam. The following morning when he started coughing/runny nose, I said...ok...let's get home now, before this gets out of control.

Mommy's tired and a little emotionally drained. I was considering deleting my blog because I have begun to realize that I have un-clogged most of my brain now...and am starting to see things alot clearer now that my head isn't in a fog and I have started to categorize some of my issues. My dream is to have my reality be what my blog represents , my family being happy and healthy and that not only is our son our main goal in life, but that we walk the walk...he is smart enough now to know better. I can't just put out a blog with all of the places I'd like us to visit or what I feel is important in making a family a success, if it doesn't start with us. Another reason I am considering deleting my blog, is honestly, I can't be as honest as I'd like. I know some people think I'm too honest and wear my heart on my sleeve, but I think it is because they feel threatened. Like I'm going to divulge some deep family secret. I'm not that evil and shallow. I am my son's mom. I'm trying to live a happy life with my family and expect the people in my life to live up to their end of the bargain. Everyone plays a part and each part is really tattered these days in what is important for me trying to raise my son. I want him to learn by examples, not by falsities or fake acts that don't match the words behind them or vice versa. Basic lessons I'm learning these days: If you want friends, you have to be a friend, If you want love and respect, you have to give love and respect, If you want happiness, you have to give happiness, If you want a complete circle of fulfillment, you have to work together as a team to make it work...in all aspects of what you feel are important. If there is no team work, there is no team. I want my son to have a family team, I'm blogging about it because I'm hoping and praying that if all members of the team know what I'm looking for that it will come back to me. Not just for Mother's Day, but everyday. Mother's day for me is every day with Matthew. I want him to learn by experiences and examples and I pray that he lives a long healthy well balanced life of self-esteem, loving, kind, sensitive, caring, compassionate, passionate life for everything that is important in this life outside of material goals.

On a funny note: What got me started on this today in the first place....he ran up to me and said hug me mommy!!! You are SO WARM AND COMFORTABLE!!! I said..ok Mommy has to blog that....but you know me..start typing and next thing you know...

Head Spinning Thursday- Preschool, The Mall & Missing My Girlie Side

I didn't think I would be able to blog today!!

I am only going to have a second to blog. Matthew fell asleep today on the way home from the mall, but he just woke up as he heard the typing from all the way upstairs. hehe

We had an appointment today with a woman from a local preschool. We were concerned about some of his mixed consonant sounds. I was sure that once he is in school around kids all day, that it was something he would outgrow. According to the woman, she agrees. She said it is appropriate to his age and that she had no problem understanding him. If come September or October, we want to have him re-evaluated, we are more than welcome to at that time. I'm not concerned. I had a lisp in first grade that I had to have help with. He (at this point) doesn't have a lisp, but more mispronouncing words...like fray for play, or t's instead of a hard C or K like tar instead of car or tat instead of cat. I am thankful that he was seen anyway though, just to ease our minds. He was accepted at that preschool for 3 mornings starting in the fall....yeah!!!

When we left the school, he wanted to go to the mall and Mommy didn't fight him because I needed something nice and up to date to wear to my niece's Holy Communion. He promised me he would be good.

Last time I took him to this 3 story mall was before Christmas. He pulled a tantrum on me about not wanting to leave and threw himself in front of my legs as I was coming off of an escalator. Not only did I almost fall on him, but older people sitting on a bench were looking at me like don't I know how to keep my son under control. I'm sure they weren't thinking that, but mom's out there, you know the look I mean. Just when you are having a really hard time, they are looking at you and not smiling either and they always seem to be in the same place as you are when you are having a bad moment.

So my heart was panicking before we even got to the mall today remembering our last trip. I didn't remind him of it, just told him that he needed to listen to me, stay out from under all the clothing racks and that we would visit the puppies, have lunch and go on his rides (money operated ride-on toys in food court) and then come home and pack for PA.

He was doing good, considering Mommy hasn't shopped for herself in a mall in probably a year. I usually will go to TJMaxx and just buy the one thing I need in my size and hope and pray it fits when I get home. I just never make the time to go clothes shopping for myself when Eric gets home at night or on the weekends. That's my fault. I could take off for an hour or two to specifically update my yucky wardrobe, but I'm usually cleaning or doing something else. I need to make an effort and promise Eric I won't break the bank.

I think I've saved him alot of money over the last 4 years on my wardrobe alone. It's something when you aren't headed out to the office everyday, your life has become sweats, jeans and sneakers. I wore pantyhose on Easter and Matthew couldn't get over them. He had never seen them on me before. I used to have a million pairs in my drawers and a million skirts and girlie things too but I have become so used to dressing quickly and without effort I have to re-learn my girlie side again. Not that I'll be wearing pantyhose to the park, but maybe a nice pink pair of Capri's with my toe nails painted pink and some pink earrings. Can you tell I'm missing my pink side?

Yesterday's blog was for my husband (obviously). I thought he would get a kick out of it and it might warm his heart. He said "It was good, Although I didn't get the prince, princess and the king part".....huh???? I told him that is also my girlie side...the little girl in me who never wants to give up the fairytale if even if it is just in my head while I'm blogging. I wanted him to know that was literally how I saw our meeting. That I still am that little girl who dreamed of walking down the aisle in her white gown...even though it already happened. I guess it is just another part of being a girl that you don't lose.

Well, we have mounds of packing to do, so you might not hear from me for a few days. All 2 of you....and who knows maybe you might.

Aren't you glad I only had a second today to blog?

Remember When Wednesday - Once Upon A Time

As Matthew would say...Punce pupon a time...

In 1986, there was a prince who was in Wildwood, NJ with friends. There was a princess who was also down there with friends from PA and happened to be staying in the same hotel. One night the Prince saw this beautiful maiden going out on a date with another Prince she met on the beach that day. He called her over to him to see if he could entice her with his blue eyes. It worked. The Princess couldn't wait for her dark haired brown eyed lobster treating guy to bring her back to her hotel, so she could see that other prince again....He was having a "ball" in his hotel room with "fine drinks" AKA...a party with lots of beer with everyone and anyone that wanted to come.

Well, another princess got to him first that night and so the beautiful maiden went back to her room and sulked all night long.

The next day, the beautiful princess' hand maiden (also known as best friend K) said Hey! The heck with that guy! Let's go down to the beach...there's a million other princes to choose from.

We went down to the beach that was as packed as sardines and who do we set up our beach towel next to, but that same blue eyed prince charming from the night before. He was with his friends. The beautiful Princess and him started talking, playing Frisbee and just really hit it off.

It was the most romantic moment of my life. This princess grew up watching fairy tales and musicals and old movies with happy endings and this prince from a far away land who was 7 years older than her, with the most mesmerizing blue eyes really went right to her young 18 year old heart. That night, they walked on the beach with his jeans cuffed and she being an ankle princess (that's right! And I'm Proud!), loved his ankles as he walked along the night time surf on the sand with her that night. She listened to him with his funny accent. He had a hard time saying "r's"....come to think of it he still does. Finally at that moment, they sat up in this lifeguard chair and had their first kiss with the black ocean in front of them and the lights and sounds of the boardwalk behind them. This prince was very charming, sincere and light hearted and he had a wonderful sense of humor. He was also very worldly to the princess. He had just got back from Aruba, was in NJ, lived in Boston and was thinking of going to Europe. He was so important and yet so loving and gentle, that the princess was mesmerized from that moment on.

They only spent 3 days together before both of their vacations were over and they would leave each other. The princess never cried so hard in her life. She lived in a far away place with mountains and this prince being so much older than her and more worldly would surely forget all about her and she would never see him ever again. When she got back to her castle, the King asked her why she was so distraught. She couldn't even talk about the prince she met without breaking down crying, to even explain to her father about the wonderful moment she had. He was concerned because he thought something more terrible had happened. It wasn't until 3 days after returning home, when the princess got in the mail a postcard from her prince. It was a picture of Boston that said how much he enjoyed meeting me...and that he had a super dooper looper time! And how he missed me already and that whenever he heard the song "Take My Breath Away" he would think of me. It had been playing from my Top Gun Soundtrack cassette the whole time together.

That prince wanted the princess to come and visit him in the big city, but the king disapproved of his age and his worldly ways and said "If that prince wants to see you, he has to come here first to meet me, before you would go to see him".

Well, 4 years later, after many letters and birthday cards and phone calls from the prince, the princess finally said "Hey King! I'm over 21!!, I'm going to the far away land of Boston!!"

Story for another day of how I got up here, it would ruin the fairytaleness of my story.

When the princess and the prince saw each other for the first time at the Greyhound Station in Boston after 4 years, we immediately picked right up where we had left off. The attraction between us was unbelievable. He decided instead of staying at his castle, we would rent a hotel room to mix with the peasants and he would show me around Boston. He was so excited to show her everything from Fanuill Hall to Hard Rock, to Government Center to the John Hancock Building...we did it all and we only had a weekend before the princess had to return to her father, The King.

The Princess also had a run in with a former (although she wasn't aware she was a former) princess that weekend at a Blues Bar. That princess pushed the prince off a bar stool after punching him. It just made the weekend between the prince and princess more exciting like fugitives. She just wanted to protect him all the more from that other horrible punching princess and the rest of the world that would dare to harm or hurt her wonderful new man.

So, a few weeks later, she came up for another weekend and then he came to PA with his brother for a weekend to meet the king. That's when he told her that he loved her and that he wanted her to move up there with him. That he knew that she loved Boston and him too and that they could be together . So with out any further courting involved, the princess told the king that - (sigh) she would be leaving to go to this new world. He was happy for her as long as she was happy, but when the prince showed up on June 30, 1990 with his other brother and a truck, he wasn't letting her go that easy. The prince assured him, to not worry dear King that "I will take good care of her for you". The King looked at the princess in her black spandex tight shorts and her white tank top and said "If He Isn't, you just let me know and I'll find a truck somehow to come and get you".

They lived together for 5 years before getting married in 1995 in a beautiful ceremony in February with 70 degree weather on a sunny day, a church where President Kennedy was baptized in Brookline and a reception on the top floor of a building overlooking the Charles River in Boston at sunset. Her maidens' wore red velvet with muffs instead of flowers while the brides men and the Prince wore morning coats. They had a trolley for there guests to escort them around Boston to and from the reception and Church. The rehearsal dinner was at The Bull & Finch (above Cheers on Boston Common). They had the most beautiful honeymoon in Cancun and now make there home on a lake in MA.....with the most beautiful prince Charming walking in his dad's footsteps and his mom's hugs and kisses.

First Steps For All Of Us

For Matthew to give away his baby toy's has been a struggle for me, up to this point. Whenever I bring up to him little children who don't have any, he always stood fast in the fact that he wasn't done with them yet.

Well, we took our first step. Or should I say, Daddy did. I am so proud.

Over the weekend, our neighbor who has a little girl just over a year was outside and Matthew gave her his baby buggy (little car with long handle that we pushed him in). I think because he is all grown up now. Daddy told him that he has a real car that he does doughnuts in the front yard in and so now he is a big boy. Coming from him, he wants to be like his Dad and show the world that he is all boy and that yeah! He doesn't need that baby car anymore!

I had no idea of the transaction that took place, as I was in the house. Later in the day we were outside and I hear this buggy coming up the road and thought to myself "Boy that loud thing sounds like Matthew's old car". Next thing I know everyone is out and he is asking the baby how she likes her car and kissing her and showing her how to beep it and putting little rocks in her front compartment. That's when my husband explained, Yeah...We gave it to her earlier this morning. Like no big deal, he does these things all the time. It was a first for him, as well.

I think letting go of Matthew's buggy is a big step for both of us. Neither of us, want to see our little baby grow up. Although Eric will argue that to him, Matthew isn't a baby anymore, Mommy tells him when he is 100 years old, he will always be my baby. Just as much as we love the baby in him, we love each new stage and revel in his new achievements or new loves and new discoveries.

This past week, I got him a book at the library called "I Can Do It Myself". It is a Sesame Street simple book that I knew he would love. He has been asserting himself with getting his own snacks, cleaning up trash, putting things in the sink for a long time now. It is my fault that we don't have a routine for getting out of the house everyday. I really have to start stressing to him, lightly though that he needs to start doing more like getting himself dressed. He can do it. It is just that I have, just out of habit I think, been doing it for him. It isn't til I see someone like his little girlfriend Princess N come over and go in the bathroom with her change of clothes and then it's like, Oh Yeah!! Oops...Mommy!!! Why don't I have him doing that everyday? I know she is in day care/preschool and everyday of her life she has a routine, so that helps. But I also know that it is my job now and that all I have to do is to just ease him into it and reward him for it...just like I did to potty train him last summer.

So yesterday we started and he got this horrible little bulldog with a chain link coller tattoo that Daddy bought him for Easter as his reward. Granted, my little sensitive man (after Mommy's heart) cried during most of the process you would have thought I was asking him to jump off a cliff instead of putting his arm through his sleeve, but I just held firm...monotone voice, telling him that no one ever got boo boos from putting their arms through their sleeves. Oh, How Hard it was for me, listening to him say, Mommy just help me??? Like I was just letting him be sad...but for once Mommy's brains worked instead of my heart and I said "Honey, Mommy is helping you right now by not doing it for you". (sigh)

It's hard being the only one to handle every decision in someones little life, while trying to keep up a house and everything else that being a stay at home mom entails. Sometimes I do need a little nice guidance like hey....how about this? But in a way that is helpful and not like what are you stupid for not trying this?

Today we are going to take it easy and enjoy the nice weather and go to the playground. I have alot of packing on my mind this week, so I might be a little distracted. Today I was burning some cd's for our drive. Yesterday he was dancing to some AC/DC with Mommy so I thought, ok, well bring AC/DC for the drive to PA...mental note to mom along with some Pat Benatar, some 3 Doors Down, some Peter Frampton...etc..etc...etc...