Satisfying Saturday - Silly I know

But that is how I feel! It's amazing what the phone will do for you!!

By 10:30 am, I had already called two friends and my Aunt Sissy to wish her a HAPPY 81ST BIRTHDAY!!

One of my friends, twinsmom and I haven't had a girls night in a while, so tonight we are doing comedy movie at her house! I am soooo looking forward to it!

By 2:30, I had talked to a few other friends who I had lost touch with over the years, and I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be able to just hear their voice and to have absolutely no awkward moments in the conversation.

I had also talked to my little brother Phil, catching him up on his nephew's recent Mario antics. We have found a Godfather Mario today online with the music and Mario dressed in Mafia attire shooting the bad guys. The other day we found a Lego video on YouTube (both with Mama Swan's right next to him), of Lego's in concert doing AC/DC TNT and Back In Black!! hysterical!!

It's amazing though after a few phone calls, and numerous emails on that other website I hang out on, what that does for the soul.

It makes me a happier me, a more complete me, which makes for a more complete mom and wife!

It's all just wonderful.

Glad to see I'm sticking to my resolutions!

It's early I know....but things are different!

Catching Up with Uncle P and Grandpa P

I really wish and pray that not only could I stick to blogging once a day, that I could stick to the promises and wishes that I make for myself everyday.

The last few weeks were busy trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, then my brothers visit with his beautiful and sweet family oriented new girlfriend M.

About a month ago, I mentioned to Phil (oh no I said it!) I'm tired of calling him P and he doesn't mind.

Anyway, we mentioned Matthew asked Santa Claus for Nintendo Mario paraphernalia and I asked him if he had any old stuff lying around, since he has played games since the original Nintendo. He said he didn't. He later called me to mention, that his girlfriend M had one in her trunk, that she wanted to "give" Matthew for Christmas. Now, how absolutely wonderful is she!!! Not only does she love to travel, she gets my brother up here to visit and bring my son his gift for a Super Nintendo System with controllers and three games, including Mario every kind made since 1985 (which is the one I used to play with my brother when he was little), Donkey Kong and Yoshi? Spelling not sure?

Now before they came, I called my brother that Friday night at 10 pm to ask when they would be leaving the next morning. We had already established they wouldn't leave until then, due to both of their work schedules. He told me they would leave Saturday morning around 6 and try to be in MA by 11. So when Matthew woke up at his usual 6:30 am time, we stayed in bed and stayed cozy until 8 before getting up.

I walked down to the kitchen, calling Phil on the cell phone just to make sure that he was on the road, and maybe now in upstate NY leaving him a message on his machine, since it didn't pick up. I hang up and I don't know what made me look up towards my street level, parked in front of my garage was a car!!! I opened the door looking all beautiful since I had not even showered or done anything except get out of bed, and screamed at him and her!! What are you doing here?????? You aren't supposed to be here for another three hours!!!! Look at me!!!!

As soon as M stepped into my house, with the warmest of hugs and smiles and the look on my brothers face of happiness, I could care less if I looked like I worked in the coal mines all day or was a chimney sweep. Their immediate happiness and my immediate happiness erased every feeling I had about my appearance.

They wound up getting on the road at 1 am because they like to do things like that!!

I used to do things like that, so I can relate. Before Matthew of course.

Anyway, after a brief nap, they gave me M's grandmother's unbelievable home made nut roll and my brother's home made Banana Bread with a nice bottle of wine. I told M that she had me as soon as she walked in, and said she loves to travel.

To see both of there faces, as they watched Matthew open up his gift from them, was something that will always be close to my heart. It is one thing to have someone enjoy opening a gift you got for them, but when it is your son, and his uncle came all that way for him, with M not only providing the present but the get down on your hands and knees and playing with my son, the getting on the floor, grabbing the controls and showing him every level of Mario, every level of Yoshi and every level of Donkey Kong. Matthew will always now hold her close to his heart.

She is queen in his eyes.

Not many girls come to our house and know the in's and outs of Mario!!

It's gifts to my son's heart that touch me. It wasn't the present. Although it is awesome. It was making Matthew feel special and that his home, and having his family here to enjoy it with him, to share in his joy of a game, or a story or memories in a photo album. I don't just like to take the pictures for the album, I like to capture that love that was given and received at that moment for my son.

When they had to leave to say it was sad, was an understatement. But not before promising to return when they have more time, and weather permitting.

The gift of my brother coming up with M, was all I could ever ask for.

Imagine my surprise, when last weekend for my birthday my father told me he would be coming up.

A first cousin of my father's passed away. He was going to attend the viewing at two o'clock and then get on the road. I told him he might hit rush hour traffic in Hartford, CT but he wasn't worried, driving slow taking his time..... When I had heard about our cousin that passed, it immediately gave me a chill due to him only two years older than my father. I told my father before he left, to be careful a few more extra times than before.

I had a gut feeling. That morning, my father forwarded me one of his many wonderful forwarded emails. This time it was Mother Teresa's Novena. I read it and forwarded it along.

At 5:30 I called him and sure enough, he was stopped. Traffic/ Hartford stop and go. He hadn't made it through the tunnel yet. I hung up with him, and he called me right back and told me a girl had just hit him from behind but that he and her were okay. His car had minor damage, with hers having more. They were calling the police. Between the time it took for the police to escort him off the highway, to when the state police showed up to file the report, he started to feel sore. His neck felt whip lashed. The state police escorted him to Hartford Hospital, where he stayed for another four hours before then driving the other hour and a half to my house. He wound up getting fully checked out to be on the safe side, and Thank God was OK.

I wanted to immediately drive to Hartford. I told Eric let's go. You could drop me off so he isn't at the hospital by himself and then I'll drive him to our house, in case he can't drive. My father and Eric insisted I just sit the emergency room visit out from home and be patient. I immediately needed a bottle of wine. I drove to the local supermarket to get one, and on the drive there had my long conversation with God making promises, and saying the Our Father.

As soon as I said it, I thought I have said this one more time today......then it hit me.....

The Mother Teresa Novena my father emailed me.

Sure enough God came through for me again. My father made it here safely and we enjoyed the rest of the weekend, by him taking his Irish/Italian daughter out for Irish lunch and ironically, my gift of a Frank Sinatra Inspired Print that said "Meeting Adjourned", could now be laughed about.

Ironically, I received that same Novena a few days later by another friend. I also received it back from some friends I had forwarded it too.

I know that God hears me.

I know that he hears me when I need him. I know that he knows I would do anything to not put my father or my family and friends in danger, driving up here late at night or not. ....freak accidents... if anything ever happened to those I love coming up here to visit me...I can't even think about it.

I also know that He knows me. He knows whats in my heart. He is here with me everyday. He is the one who sees my internal struggles within my heart for Matthew and for myself. I know that he is beside me and lifts me up to let me lean on him. Today was again another Sunday and this time during the most important month where I am trying to teach Matthew what "Christmas" is all about, that doesn't involve anything retail.

Again I failed, but I am getting closer. I made him listen to a story read online by someone breaking down the story of Mary and Joseph, the Angel Gabrielle, The Shepperd, and the Three Wisemen. Each segment was only four minute each, but was told in a soft and wonderful tone. I just wanted him to hear it from someone other than Mommy.

Well, when we were done, he couldn't wait to get back to Mario. I know I have my struggles, and again I know God knows I am trying.

In my own time, I am praying to get him there and to be apart of all that I know and love about Church and miss so much. I promise by the end of the year, we will do it...and we will start the new year off right. It will be just like giving up the binky for New Years before he turned two! That was it and it happened! Why can't all other struggles be that easy for me?

Remember When Wednesday - Mama Swan's Big Hair Days

Alright, if I had a scanner, I would be happy to post one of my big hair styles from the 80's.

Today I was trying to think of what I'd like to say, and I've been looking at all of these 80's sites and blogs (see new thingy on the sidebar?).

As soon as I get a picture to post of my hair, I will. I miss it, to be honest. It was so easy to just blow dry and spray with Aqua Net to get it where you wanted it to go.

I graduated in 1985, so I love anything from the 80's, hair, music, movies, you name it.

I, until Matthew came along, would still be known to be blasting in my house anything considered Arena Rock now such as Motley Crue, Def Leppard (still love them), Bon Jovi, Poison, Warrent, Dokken, Winger, Ratt, Y & T, Skid Row, Cinderella, Great White, L.A. Guns (got to meet the drummer) and Guns and Roses to name a few.

My brothers can attest to the fact, that when I'm in my car I still enjoy my motivational music, my driving music - that makes me forget and just be me. A few months ago I was visiting PA for my family reunion, by myself. Eric and Matthew went to his reunion, ironically the same weekend in MA. My brother P and I went for a ride to where he likes to run. He is really in shape and takes his sports and fitness seriously. He is not married and doesn't have children yet so we get to spend more time together these days. The place is in the mountains, along side of a river and as soon as he gets in the car, I blast Great White, Dokken and some AC/DC and for the ride back some Foreigner and Journey.

It just makes my trips complete. There is nothing like driving along the mountainside or countryside with the mountains in your view on a sunny day, with Steve Perry singing to you.

It's right up there with Veal Piccata.

My brother J, doesn't get to go on as much rides with me these days. He is married with children and has a full time job and household responsibilities. But when he does, he knows he can count on his big sis, to let him enjoy some AC/DC for the drive.

He tries to argue, he is more into Chicago these days....but it's nice to go back and bring out some music that's in all of us and we can just......be.

The First Day Of Pre-School

Well, here it is today is the day. It is now 9:42 am and he is in school...yeah!!!!!!

Last week I started noticing signs that maybe this year will be different. Maybe he just wasn't ready to let me go last year, but now he is. Matthew has been going through the last week or so of being more interested in what time it is. He'll say to Eric "Daddy, What time is it? You're going to be late for work" (not really worried that Daddy will oversleep, just that he won't get up with him to get the day rolling). Last Friday out of the blue he said "Daddy, What time is it? You're going to be late for work and Am I GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL?" I thought Eric heard him but he didn't. I did....and the funny thing is he wouldn't be starting for another week, but yet he knew inside him that the time was coming and that he didn't want to be late when it did.

Yesterday was orientation for an hour in the morning with parents and children. We saw some familiar faces (including a little girl he had a little crush on last year at the other school) and he also made a new friend and they had their own little conversation going on at the Lego table. Eric told me it was like listening to two little old men. Matthew asked the little boy his name and told him his. The little boy mentioned that he had the Lego's at home. He then mentioned that he also went to the school Matthew went to last year, though in a different class. He then stated that he is now a big boy though going to the big school. Matthew agreed with him and said "Me too!"

I was busy filling out paperwork and talking to the teacher telling her of my apprehension this year of getting involved early on in the classroom. I don't want to bring up last years issue of confusion for him of now Mommy's here and next she's not. I want to make sure that he is comfortable first to the transition before I throw myself in there. Although I already miss not being involved. I wanted to sign up for everything and volunteer but I will wait.

This morning we woke up at 6:15 and I made him French Toast (I know Eric is impressed due to my body liking and needing my sleep). After breakfast we got dressed and you would have thought he was going to just run to school. He was so happy and excited to wear his new backpack, his new sneakers, to see his new friends. I video taped him and said "What are you going to do today in school? " He said "Learn". I was waiting for the playground to come out, but that is what he said first, so I was very impressed.

Before heading into the car, we proudly showed off his pre-school moment to our wonderful neighbors (Grammy R and Pa Man) who basically see every milestone in his little life on a daily basis.

He mentioned "ONLY 4 MORE WEEKS TIL' I RIDE THE BUS!!!!". I corrected him to two years, but couldn't keep down my excitement of his excitement.

I told him you have your Lightening McQueen Backpack and your Mommy is Lightening McQueen in our red car! "How Many Kids Get To Do That?" He looked up at me and said "One!!"

As we pulled off of our street, (for some unknown reason) he asked me why didn't Uncle P make American Idol?

I was trying to explain the amount of people to him and that in Philadelphia there were as many people there as the people in the stands at a recent Pawtucket Red Sox game we went to. I told him all of those people tried out too and that was only one city in the whole country. I said there was other big cities too. I mentioned San Diego and he said"Oh Yeah, I know". I said "You know San Diego?" He said "Yeah....remember the giraffe in Madagascar says they are going to the San Diego Zoo and then they find a rock on the beach but it is hard and not a soft one and that is how they know they are in the wild.." I'm astonished by what his little brain retains and comes out at the right moments.

He amazes me every day.

Then we were at his school.

Daddy had followed us there before heading to work.

We took him by the hand to the teachers waiting outside.

Yesterday they mentioned where the drop off area would be and that if we wanted to not go in as to not confuse him, that it was ok.

I took him in through the little door and the teacher looked at me and said "Well, if you want I can take him down to the class".

I hesitated for a moment because it looked like all of the other mom's were going down to escort them, but then Matthew looked up at me and held his arms out and said "Bye Mom!!!!"

So I gave him a tight hug and then walked out and said Have A Good Time In School!!

It took me awhile before finally leaving the parking lot, because I felt like Did I do the right thing?

Maybe I should be in there?

What if all the other mom's Stay and I didn't?

But I need my haircut again and yesterday Matthew told me "I should get it done while he is in school".

Another sign he was ready.

So off I went with my coupon for a $10.99 hair cut. I should have known it was too good to be true. I drove all of the way out of the way to save the money to get there and tell me they would charge another six dollars to blow dry and style and not including tip. I am trying to spread out the money a little now (tuition, hair, mom's night out, bills etc) so I declined and then drove all the way home. I am going to have to be more prepared and make a few phone calls first.

I wanted to have it done by now because Mommy has a Mom's Night Out tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to it. I really have some celebrating to do with my mom friends to give us a pat on the back for making it this far and for our little ones starting pre-school!!

American Idol YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING in MY BOOK

American Idol declined my brother but the whole process was nothing like you see on TV. He auditioned in front of 15,000 people in the arena so the sound quality made it impossible to hear him. The judges were not Randy, Paula & Simon but other people and they literally would pick 4 people, and pick three of that four to be sent home without even hearing them sing. At least he got to sing, but not in my opinion for the right people. Oh well, they don’t know what their missing.

I don't know now if they are going to have me as a viewer this year. Kind of hard to accept them and give them my nights 2 sometimes 3 times a week for a few months, when they don't accept my blood. Kind of leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

And I'm not a sore loser. I didn't lose, my brother didn't lose either. He wasn't heard and so he couldn't be judged correctly.

Well now my cousin was also auditioning so if she makes it, I will vote for her (and watch for her only), but I haven't talked to her yet to find out.

Remember When Wednesday - Little brother P TRYING OUT FOR AMERICAN IDOL

Alright I've been sick since Sunday and there is so much I want to share about Matthew, but I have to take time out again now to blog/brag about my little brother P. I should start another blog just for issues other than Matthew, but right now I don't have the time.

A few posts ago, I mentioned my little brother hopefully trying out for Philadelphia's auditions for American Idol. I hadn't posted anything since then because at first he turned me down, saying he hated to burst my bubble but... After some more encouragement on my part, my brother J's part and my father's part, we've talked him into it.


He is going on Friday for the beginning of a long weekend worth of standing in line and auditioning. I just wanted to put up a request for prayers. Not that he needs them, but they never hurt.


The other night he broke the news to me that he had changed his mind and talked to his company and let me know they were going to be supportive. Once his concerns were out of the way he is now realizing that this is an experience of a lifetime.

The next morning when I woke up, I was in my bathroom and I looked up to the ceiling and told my mother "You're little boy is trying out for American Idol!!!!!!!!!". I immediately filled with tears knowing how proud and happy she would be and how she will watch over him in the next few days and give him hugs when he needs that extra "oomph" to keep having the strength to stay in that line. She will be with him and that gives me the peace, when I can't be there for him.

I would have loved to stand in line with him and hold his hand, but someone else needs me to hold his hand now. I know that when my little brother hears the words though "YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD !!", that we will try and plan something to be able to support him while he is there. Matthew's never been to California. It would be a nice family vacation for us with Daddy maybe for a long weekend.

I just want to give one more blog of support before P goes. I love him and have loved him for so long. He is my little brother that is standing still despite the hardships in his life that he overcame. He has more strength than most due to that he has been through alot in his early life and he is now getting a chance to do something for himself that I am praying when he wins, he will have the peace and happiness (along with the riches) that he deserves.

Philadelphia American Idol Auditions - CALLING UNCLE P........

Alright so you can tell by the title of my blog today that I am trying to get some one's attention!

That would be my wonderful, handsome, talented, charming, charismatic, generous, loving, kind, comedic and did I say unbelievably gifted with singing talent little brother.

And that's just the beginning of trying to explain what he is to me. I know he is my brother and that sisters are supposed to brag about brothers that way, and I do BUT he is now above and beyond so much with me that this is more than just sisterly love (no pun intended for brotherly love - hint Philadelphia).

He has more advantages than the rest of my family put together right now. If he doesn't take advantage of this audition, he will be then past there ridiculous age limit thing and then we will have to wait for one of our children in our family to then .....go the line.

American Idol unfortunately for me (and maybe the rest of the world) wasn't out when myself or my middle brother were in that age range of 16 to 28. For myself anyway, I used to just think that the next record producer would just walk in the door of the nightclub I was singing in either winning a karaoke contest or getting up with a band. I thought that was the way it was from as far back as Loretta Lynn, short of Doo driving her around the country after having ten children (exaggeration at that point).

I know that when the season starts, we all roll our eyes at the miles of untalented people they go through to get to the few random good ones that eventually will make it through to the end.

And again I'm not just speaking out of my shorts (to put it nice). My little brother is 11 years younger than me. When we would go out singing as a family when I would go home over the years, either he wasn't old enough to go to a bar, would be hanging out with his friends and the few short moments you heard him sing along in the car - you thought he has a nice voice that if we could ever get him up to the mic and get into this like the rest of us, and belt it someday....it was like an unreachable dream for me being so far away from him.

Then one day last year, he went out with my friend K, my father and myself and sang "Creep" by Radiohead and "Californication" by Red Hot Chili Peppers. We were blown away by his tone, range and the fact that Californication is alot of fast words to sing. He did great and I had wished it was on tape to show Eric.

Then last weekend, we as a family finally got to go out again. We hadn't been out all together with my father like that since before my mother passed away. We used to always get together and sing and now it is like we are somehow lost and when we got together that night last weekend, it was like we were found again...a whole family again with a wonderful friend of my father's to enjoy our joy. My brother P sang "WHEN THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME" by U2. It had this really long drumming sound intro and just when he started singing something happened and the DJ had to restart it. First my gorgeous brother is a charmer and a comedian..he has no problem working a crowd, talking to a crowd. He is a natural. The tune of the song was getting everyone in the place pumped up and when he sang it...YOU THOUGHT BONO WAS IN THE HOUSE. Better yet (Bono, in case you read my blog), HE WAS BETTER THAN BONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strangers were taking pics on their camera phone. I was standing on a chair to get an ariel view and if I wasn't so worried about other people's identities I would share those pics with the world. What got me mad though, I left my camcorder at my dad's house and only had my camera. A few hours later I got madder when P showed me his phone has a video feature that I could have used.

This was bigger than any other moment in our family history as far as I'm concerned.

The first time I got up to sing at a large event was at a local happy hour at a resort that gets packed on Friday's. A band played and somehow I don't know how, with other friends of mine at the time we took the stage for the Temptations "Ain't To Proud To Beg". I didn't know the song, but somehow (drinking involved) I knew the chorus and when it came time, I grabbed the mic, not caring that were probably a couple hundred people there and belted out "AIN'T TO PROUD TO BEG, SWEET DARLIN". When we were done, my friends were like "We didn't know you could sing, you should be famous blah, blah, blah.." Strangers (women who never compliment another woman singing) were approaching me as I walked through the crowd. That was my defining bone tingling moment for me.

My father's moment was also bone tingling when after many years of being my mother's caretaker, I introduced him after him not singing for 20 years, to karaoke in the early 90's. He sang "NEW YORK, NEW YORK". The entire restaurant went quiet and of course sang along. He got his standing ovation and it was all he needed to put the bug back in him and now to this day he does weddings, graduations, anniversaries, dinner hours at local resteraunts, opened for Lou Rawl's, charity events etc. and just loves to sing.

My other brother J sings good too. He does a mean Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, AC/DC, and others. Once when him and my sister in law came up to visit, before Matthew was born, we sang along with a CD of my father's songs. It was like our way of singing with Dad, without him there. Now that is a very wonderful video that I have to remember it forever.

P though, if he doesn't take advantage of AI's auditions in Philly, he might regret it later. He doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment. He is single, handsome, free and works in a job that he could either get a leave of absence or something to follow this dream. And he is in the age range.

I am praying that he enters and that he goes all the way. If anyone deserves happiness in life it is my brother. He is such a wonderful and talented guy.

To read about audition info in Philly click here.