Horoscopes, reflecting, friends and the joy they bring no matter how you keep in touch

That other website I belong to, the one I've become distracted by and addicted to the past oh..six months, has been a blessing in more ways than one.

For the past few years, I have blogged and hoped I would make connections in addition to my own spiritual therapy of sharing, really hoped more for someone to say, "me too."

The other site, has kept me in touch with my relatives and even one of my father's brother's, my cousins that usually I only see once a year and the time flies by and you wish it was longer.

It has also made my already formed friendships stronger and more of a consistent basis, which is what you need in life, to keep a sense of humor, a sense that you are not alone and a sense of well being in more than just sharing about Matthew, in sharing about you, as the human being you are who needs social involvement to stay human.

My Carebear refuses to join this site, yet has always remained in my heart and soul. She has always emailed me or called me, right around the time when I was thinking of her - but because I am an idiot with the phone, I've not been there for her the way she needs me to be.

I'm a horrible example sometimes of a friend. I know what I need in a relationship, yet when it comes time for me to splitting up myself between everyone that wants a piece of me, and that I also need a piece of...there is nothing left over...and it's not fair and it also doesn't make her any less of a friend in my heart.

My horoscope on that site, has been dead on since I joined. Today though, I think it is off a day.

It says: Conversations have a particularly emotional, intimate, or nostalgic tone. Sharing memories and reminiscences, or discussing a very personal topic is likely now. You may have a significant communication (email, phone call, or personal discussion with someone who was once very important to you or with whom you have a long history. This is a good time to reflect, review, and get a perspective on emotional matters or things of the past.

So, with that said, yesterday Carebear sent me an email while I was getting re-acquainted with my blog and said "Guess who I ran into" and in the next 24 hours connected me with another wonderful childhood friend and both shared the most beautiful photo's and updates on their lives.

It isn't important how we keep in touch, because the memories in our hearts are what hold us together...but sharing and keeping up is essential to letting us all know that yeah..we do care, we do still hold that bond that we formed so many years ago.

I love them!

Fantasy Friday - Another Reality Mom's Night Out! & more

Well, it's funny. Some people will say "How was your weekend?" or "Aren't you glad, it's Friday!!"

When your a stay at home mom (currently looking for part time work from home at night again), weekends and Friday's aren't the same as they are for the normal working folk.

For the past six years (one more week), every day, every minute, every second, every year....has been combined into one long and lovingly rewarding from Matthew, space of time.

Unfortunately, Papa Swan is still in between jobs, as well, so when he is home, it's like one long weekend as well. It's a good thing for Matthew, he has Daddy to play with him, to help me with errands and housework, and even meeting other mom's for Matthew's scheduled play dates, when I have been sick.

During the past six years, one friend of mine has been consistently there for me. My friend P, aka Twins Mom. Her heart and devotion to me and not letting my lack of phone calls affect her friendship and for that, I am so thankful.

Tonight, together with her and another wonderful friend, N (R's mom), we will finally get out into the real world on a Friday night. With other people that have jobs during the week, and still schedule dates with friends, or real dates for the movies.

It's something how something that simple, can be so taken for granted.

When I was younger, literally every week I either brought my little brother Phil with me to the movies, or went on dates with girlfriends or otherwise to movies every week twice a week...sometimes twice in the same day. hehe

Granted our financial situation, makes my enjoying movies at the theater a fantasy these days. Thank God for P's coupons!!!!

Tonight Mama Swan is going to see Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio. The last two movies Papa Swan and me saw actually in the theater, was one before Matthew was born, and then ten years ago Titanic. He doesn't like the seating in the theater, and would prefer to watch them at home.

I am so looking forward to being with the girls tonight to see the reunion, in this movie. Their chemistry is unbelievable.

Nothing like that unbridled love to make my Friday night! Not to mention my weekend! Or year!

Remember When Wednesday - Matthew's first Valentine's day, Planning his 6th Birthday Party

The last week, I have been consumed by planning my little guy's sixth birthday party.

How is it possible that he is turning six in just a few weeks...closer to the double digits for the rest of his life?

He is having a Star Wars birthday party this year. Mama Swan found an a inexpensive (compared to the other choices available) way to have his party at a movie theater nearby, with his friends from school and his family. We will have the movie and cake, popcorn and drinks and hopefully the little princess' we are inviting don't get scared.

I chose the original Star Wars from 1977, now called Star Wars IV A New Hope.

(it wouldn't let me copy my cute little clip art from the invitation, but here is an edited version)


A LONG TIME AGO

IN A GALAXY FAR AWAY, ON FEBRUARY 7, 2003,

A BOY OF DESTINY WAS BORN

THIS YOUNG JEDI, MATTHEW
WILL CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY IN A GALAXY NEAR YOU.

PLEASE JOIN US ON FEBRUARY 7, 2009

TO JOIN JEDI MATTHEW AND HIS FRIENDS

AT THE THEATER

FOR STAR WARS IV MOVIE, A NEW HOPE

JOIN US FOR CAKE:
BEFORE THE MOVIE, AT 1:30
WITH THE MOVIE IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING, STARTING NO LATER THAN 2:00.

PLEASE SUBMIT THIS INVITATION TO THE CONCESSION STAND,
AND EACH INVITED JEDI KNIGHT OR PRINCESS WILL RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY POPCORN AND DRINK.

PARENTS: THE CONCESSION STAND WILL BE OPEN DURING THE MOVIE – AT ONE DOLLAR AN ITEM.
DUE TO THE SIZE OF THE THEATER, SIBLINGS AND PARENTS ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED TO STAY AND ENJOY THE MOVIE.
Note: There is NO arcade at this location, other than the actual movie theater, so the Jedi’s and Princess’ will remain in the theater.
*** PLEASE RSVP, NO LATER THAN JANUARY 31, 2009 TO THE JEDI’S MOM AT

I figured with today's updated technology and violence and even cartoons on Cartoon Network, that this was the best choice. We saw Clone Wars which is the animated cartoon, but it really is more violent than the original movie, in my opinion.

There are a few touchy scenes like the compact garbage scene and the one where Obi wan cuts off a guys arm, but I'm hoping the girls anyway are distracted or something during this (brief few seconds) time. Other moms are assuring me that if the parents think it is scary, then they will take the kid home or out to the lobby for a moment before returning.

The rest of the movie is awesome with R2D2 and C-3P0 and Chewbacca.

Anyway, it's a cold one up here in New England today with only 10 degrees and wind chills below Zero.

We got to go sledding earlier in the week though, so we at least got in our fun outside before this Midwest artic freeze they are calling for the rest of the week, sets in.

I wanted to post pictures of our sledding trip, but my camera is acting up and my friend N, sent them to me in a format, where I can't use them until I order them.

It's hard to believe that Matthew's first Valentine's day in the NICU was six years ago.

Satisfying Saturday - Silly I know

But that is how I feel! It's amazing what the phone will do for you!!

By 10:30 am, I had already called two friends and my Aunt Sissy to wish her a HAPPY 81ST BIRTHDAY!!

One of my friends, twinsmom and I haven't had a girls night in a while, so tonight we are doing comedy movie at her house! I am soooo looking forward to it!

By 2:30, I had talked to a few other friends who I had lost touch with over the years, and I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be able to just hear their voice and to have absolutely no awkward moments in the conversation.

I had also talked to my little brother Phil, catching him up on his nephew's recent Mario antics. We have found a Godfather Mario today online with the music and Mario dressed in Mafia attire shooting the bad guys. The other day we found a Lego video on YouTube (both with Mama Swan's right next to him), of Lego's in concert doing AC/DC TNT and Back In Black!! hysterical!!

It's amazing though after a few phone calls, and numerous emails on that other website I hang out on, what that does for the soul.

It makes me a happier me, a more complete me, which makes for a more complete mom and wife!

It's all just wonderful.

Glad to see I'm sticking to my resolutions!

It's early I know....but things are different!

Fantasy Friday - 15 Realistic Goals for 2009

I'm hoping these fantasies will become realities:-) I was going to do one for every week, but only got to 15 before Matthew came and now I have to get off.

Life Goals and/or Family goals (not really in order):

1. Get a job part time 30 hours, where I can still work from home, make alot of money and be there for Matthew's care and maybe even enough hours for insurance.
2. Quit Smoking as soon as I get a job.
3. Make sure that nothing, stands in the way of Matthew enjoying life as the "sponge" he is, while making sure we have enough money to provide him with opportunities/ lessons/teams etc.
4. Continue to hit the library for free or discounted passes for Zoo's, museums, and all other cultural advantages for Matthew.
5. At least one weekend a month or two at the most, visit cousins in Boston, and his grandparents, so Matthew can continue to have a loving a warm relationship with them.
6. Plan his birthday party economically. (already working on this one)
7. We are having Easter at our house this year! Invite both sides of the family and plan that dinner!
8. At least during vacation time, visit cousins, Uncles and Grandpa in PA and if we have time, our hearts and arms are open to all other visits while there.
9. Start Cooking more home made dinners. I got out of the habit when Eric would work late nights and was only cooking for Matthew and me, now hard to get back into it. Need to have my elbow room back.
10. Eat Veggies (raw) instead of french fries and snacks. Stop buying them altogether and readjust Matthew's palate to raw healthy food, instead of french fried everything.
11. Instead of sending emails...limit my time on computer other than a job and morning blogging, pick up the phone and call friends and family.
12. Go to church every week!!!
13. In between my new (hopefully) job, blogging, calling people and eating healthy, have friends and family over for games, for dinners, for coffee or tea, for whatever so Matthew can have his friends as well over and experience life on his turf:-)
14. Cut down on my cleaning. The above number #13 can't happen if I'm constantly doing laundry, worrying about the counters, the clutter etc..... It's more important that the house be dirty and he have more "fun" than My being overwhelmed with cleaning bathrooms and laundry and making beds...then being so tired...to have anyone over and take a shower, come last and sometimes I'm too tired.
15. Make sure that we are eating veggies and healthy so I have more energy.

Might add to this another day....

Thankful Thursday - The internet - My Mom's Birthday November 8th

Alright, this seems like a simple one, but really it is much deeper.

This week has been crazy as usual. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had joined one of those myspace type places where I could be a part of a "friendly" network and share with them.

Through this medium, there are all types of "subgroups" for everything you can imagine, quizzes, trivia, horoscopes and group for anything and everything on your mind.

I've joined a few of them.

One of them happened to be a group, that wound up being another website entirely made up of people wanting to vent and share in regards to whatever ails them...which in my case happened to be my mother's illness.

This group allowed me to set up a page, where again there are places for journals, videos, pictures, communities, friends and profile comments.

The first night I was on Eric's laptop so I couldn't upload any pictures, and only briefly set up my account. Again this is an account where only people who you invite as friends, can view. In this case, the people on the site are all related to or have themselves, the neurological disease my mom suffered from.

I set up a brief profile with a brief explanation on how I have been affected by this illness in my family. I briefly mentioned about my mother suffering for many years and with her passing in 2006. I mentioned how my brothers and I are considered at-risk, and that therefore, my beautiful miracle is at risk. I mentioned how I pray every day for a cure.

Within seconds, I had three replies from Australia, California and Canada. The first woman from Australia is now a caretaker of her husband and they just celebrated 39 years of marriage, and how she prays he will be able to be there for more. She had never heard of this disease before her husband was diagnosed, she has two sons and two grandchildren. She says she prays also for patience and that she tries to not take it out on her husband, but sometimes it was hard.

The woman from California was just married and was diagnosed. The 25 year old woman from Canada has it and is married. Her mom passed, when this woman was 17, she was diagnosed at 19. She is in assisted living with nurses and has the most positive attitude and website, full of poems, and how to deal with life with a positive attitude. She mentions that when her husband and her have children, they will use the genetic testing on the embryo's to ensure that gene is not passed down.

The next morning I had received two more welcomes, from woman both from England who have it. One has two beautiful children under 7, the other does not have children yet.

By yesterday morning, I was shaking in my shoes. I immediately thought what did I do...I'm not just sharing with the world, my horror of this illness, but people who actually have it are emailing me. Part of me, wants to remain in a fetal position about this. Since having Matthew, and since my mom's passing other than on this blog, I have put the disease out of my mind, just trying to enjoy every moment with my son and not face possibly the black whole that might be ahead.

So when someone who has it was emailing me, I shared how wonderful it is that they CAN REACH OUT, they can type, they can email and look for resources, groups, support, friends, family, poems, websites however they need to. That - that in itself is HUGE.

I told them how my father and mother didn't have that luxury. Not only was it too late, by the time my father even got a computer, but the resources in the valley weren't what they are today. Support groups, the closest physical one was in Philadelphia two hours away. There wasn't even cell phones then, to call someone for a ride.

Someone who is being a full time caretaker, doesn't have the strength to drive two hours away, organize a bus to get there, or even organize a local support group. Especially because he was a man, he wasn't into organizing support groups. So instead, there was nothing.

To this day, my father doesn't like to be involved in forums, chatting and such because he is of the old school and doesn't 'LIKE to air his laundry" but that doesn't mean he didn't need the help or just need a hug.

My point is though, for the people of today who do have to suffer with this or any other horrendous disease, there are other options and the mindset of those are growing up with technology and support around them so it is getting easier.

And for my mother's birthday I've decided in her honor, to stay apart of this group to offer the only words and cyber hugs I can. One daughter mentioned how she was her mom's caretaker and how she would go to the nursing home and just rub her arm and sing her an Irish tune. Boy did that hit me. The last day of her life, she smiled at the end. The daughter felt relief as if her mom was then running through daisies. I shared with her how my mother hung on for 3 days due to she finally had her three children in the same room, and she wasn't going to let go, how we all sang to her.

And at the end, how I told my father "Dad, she's free!! She's healthy, she's flying over us, heading out that window going to watch the sunrise with her brother and her parents and have a beer!!! SHE'S HEALTHY!!"

Happy Birthday Mom....................I love you.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN & Fantasy Friday KISS DID do Halloween Special that I remembered as a child.

Mama Swan is so proud of herself.

This morning I was thinking okay....blog about Halloween, about something related to Fantasy Friday......the wheels are turning.

Last year or the year before, I blogged about my favorite show when I was a child, growing up in the 70's, was H.R. Puffinstuff I loved Witchypoo and all of the other characters.

At Halloween one year, it stained my memory for years of the band KISS at the time that played on what I thought was that show.

Thanks to the internet, my brain is now cleared....it was a Halloween Special with Paul Lynde. Witchypoo was on it....but SO WAS KISS.

At the time, they sang the song "Beth" which was appropriate for viewing audiences at the time, not to mention their makeup went with the Halloween ambiance.

I wish they would put this stuff on tv now......The Kroft Shows were classic....along with Saturday Morning Sigmund and The Seamonsters.

So much better viewing than The Power Rangers, or Pokemon. (Shhhh...Don't tell Matthew I said that.)

It was wholesome.

Why can't they be more creative these days? Although it is funny now, to watch even the old Godzilla movies or Sinbad and the Sailor (which I loved), okay...not so scary anymore...

BUT ONCE UPON A TIME......THEY WERE.

That is because now....it takes alot to scare due to what kids are used to.

I myself am victim of letting Matthew watch Spiderman movies, Batman movies and even Jurrasic Park....but with Mommy there...even though he doesn't even blink an eye at what would make me blink.

He is all boy and relishes anything with a villian that the good guy could get.

I just miss the more mushy, bad guys like the sleestacks in Land Of The Lost.

Oh well...at least now thanks to YouTube and other internet wonders, I can watch Puff In Stuff and smile:-)

Have a Wonderful Halloween!!

Remember When Wednesday - Mama Swan's Big Hair Days

Alright, if I had a scanner, I would be happy to post one of my big hair styles from the 80's.

Today I was trying to think of what I'd like to say, and I've been looking at all of these 80's sites and blogs (see new thingy on the sidebar?).

As soon as I get a picture to post of my hair, I will. I miss it, to be honest. It was so easy to just blow dry and spray with Aqua Net to get it where you wanted it to go.

I graduated in 1985, so I love anything from the 80's, hair, music, movies, you name it.

I, until Matthew came along, would still be known to be blasting in my house anything considered Arena Rock now such as Motley Crue, Def Leppard (still love them), Bon Jovi, Poison, Warrent, Dokken, Winger, Ratt, Y & T, Skid Row, Cinderella, Great White, L.A. Guns (got to meet the drummer) and Guns and Roses to name a few.

My brothers can attest to the fact, that when I'm in my car I still enjoy my motivational music, my driving music - that makes me forget and just be me. A few months ago I was visiting PA for my family reunion, by myself. Eric and Matthew went to his reunion, ironically the same weekend in MA. My brother P and I went for a ride to where he likes to run. He is really in shape and takes his sports and fitness seriously. He is not married and doesn't have children yet so we get to spend more time together these days. The place is in the mountains, along side of a river and as soon as he gets in the car, I blast Great White, Dokken and some AC/DC and for the ride back some Foreigner and Journey.

It just makes my trips complete. There is nothing like driving along the mountainside or countryside with the mountains in your view on a sunny day, with Steve Perry singing to you.

It's right up there with Veal Piccata.

My brother J, doesn't get to go on as much rides with me these days. He is married with children and has a full time job and household responsibilities. But when he does, he knows he can count on his big sis, to let him enjoy some AC/DC for the drive.

He tries to argue, he is more into Chicago these days....but it's nice to go back and bring out some music that's in all of us and we can just......be.

Cinderella is now back to reality (at least for now)

Mama Swan got an unexpected treat this weekend. On Saturday we took Matthew to have his pictures taken for Soccer, and then headed into Boston for a Get Rid Of The Income Tax Rally held in Fanuill Hall.

Before we went, I got an email from my cousin Jeanne who mentioned she would be coming to Boston on Sunday for a conference and if I had time, we could get together.

My cousin Jeanne is not only the most warm hearted, giving, considerate, loving, generous, and devoted person, she also has the most beautiful voice and sings for a band in PA. She has been in a band in one way or another for the past 20 years. She also plays a mean keyboard.

She recently went to Nashville to record a cd that was produced by the same producer for Lorrie Morgan (Country artist). Jeanne has opened up for Lorrie Morgan, Heart, Jason Aldean, Journey and a number of other artists over the years.

I am her number one New England Fan, and would love to see her go far. She is the mom of two absolutely gorgeous children and not only does she sing with a band, but works at a full time job in addition to that, and is part of the town recreation department. She is also very active in church and is blessed in more ways than one. I've always admired her determination, devotion and strength to not let any obstacles get in her way of achieving her dreams. Her children are so blessed to have her as their mom.

On Friday night when I had my hour and a half with TwinsMom, I was listening to Jeanne's cd on the way, thinking to myself I wish we lived closer. Friday night I mentioned to TwinsMom that I wish we were rich and could just get a place to go, just to watch a movie. I secretly to myself wished I had a room just pop up out of nowhere to go to, a hotel...but knew it was just a dream.

When I got her email, at first I thought I would just be going in for a few hours Sunday night, due to the expensive cost of parking overnight in Boston. She offered to take care of everything. I was Julia Roberts without Richard Gere for 24 hours. I felt like I really just became Cinderella, and my gown was about to turn into rags again, as yesterday morning was coming to an end.

We walked to The Union House for a beer. I got us lost and Jeanne had to show ME how to get to the North End. That would have never happened a million years ago. I used to be THE tour guide for anyone coming to Boston from PA. I'm just out of practice.

We had a delicious dinner at G'Vanni's in the North End. I had not had veal since before Matthew was born. At first I felt like I couldn't order it, due to the expense but she insisted. When they brought my plate, I was embarrassed because it didn't look like much. But once I tasted the Vitello Piccata, they had in lemon with capers.....................my dream just got more intense. Not only was I in the North End with my cousin, but now it came with taste. I have never had a more delicious dinner in my life, it is now up there above lobster.

We had Tirimasu and Canoli's and Cappachino on Hanover Street as we walked toward the harbor side. We stopped at The Living Room for one more (two more) glasses of wine for Mama Swan.....and then Jeanne helped me crossing the street to the hotel.

She saw a sign for the Hard Rock, which I insisted was not on that side of town. I had been there many times, years before and I knew it wasn't there. She pointed to the sign...and what do you know, she became the tour guide again...instead of me. But she wasn't in the mood for a crazy atmosphere, so we declined.

We then hit the hay, and had breakfast at the awesomely decored Oceana restaurant in the Marriott, overlooking the harbor in the morning.

Talk about awesome ambiance. And then as I was eating my eggs benedict (another dream), it hit me...my dream was about to end....I had to get home to meet Matthew for lunch.

Mama Swan flew home, to meet him coming off the bus. He said "What did you do at Jeanne's Mommy?" I said "Oh we had dinner, and next time she comes she is going to bring her little guy for you to play with and come and visit our house."

Thanks to Eric for being so understanding in helping me, achieve this dream.

Then my mom and God kept at it and Eric got to go for free to the Red Sox game last night.

His friend/old boss called him, and last minute my car made the third trip three days in a row into Boston and he got to see them beat the Angels and now head into the ALCS 2008.

I know back to mopping the floors, laundry, dishes, vacuuming.....Cinderella is back to just enjoying the memory. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine

Friday night while Eric was working late, I had the opportunity to watch on PBS a documentary on Carol Burnett.

I always loved her. I remember my mother watching her and her just cracking up and myself only being eleven at the time The Carol Burnett show ended on CBS.

I remember watching re-runs though and maybe even with my mother at the time they were on and just loving that "dying on the floor humor". Very similar to how I feel about Lucile Ball, but we didn't seem to watch I Love Lucy as much as I remember Carol Burnett. It wasn't until I was older and moved out of the house with cable that I saw I love Lucy and really appreciated her.

Carol Burnett was classic and it goes without saying that, they don't make them like that anymore. She was a pioneer for women's comedy and slapstick humor and so much of it was just pure and simple chemistry between her and her fellow comics on the show. The documentary mentioned that there were very few takes and that because the comedy just flowed, only one take was necessary most of the time.

She revealed how her ear tugging was for her Nanny (aka Granny) and that was her way of saying hello to her. She also went on to reveal that the famous nail biting shown on the show was her way of holding back from laughing. She did that alot.

Watching her on Friday night got me in a comedic mood. My good friend N had asked me to see a comedy show next weekend but we are going to PA to visit Grandpa so I had to take a rain check. I haven't been to a comedy show since before Matthew was born. I used to plan once a month a girl's night out and we had seen comedians in Providence, RI and it was so much fun.

I forgot how much comedy is a necessity for my soul as much as music.

I live for the words that come out of Matthew's mouth every day and wish I could just tape record them or remember to write them down more. He has me in hysterics most of the time.

Last night after Matthew fell asleep, I went crazy on YouTube.

I brought up old comics like Steven Sweeney (known Boston comedian) who I had seen back in 1990 when I first moved to MA. He was playing at a comedy club called Stitches, which at that time was on Beacon Street in Brookline but has since moved. We went there with Eric's sisters and brothers and friends. There was about 9 or 10 of us and we had sat in the front row. Since this was my first comedy club in a big city or ever for that matter, I didn't know any better.

I was wearing a black and white zebra Lycra mini dress that was in style at the time and was my personality at the time. Very body hugging and worn for Eric's eyes.

There came a time when Steve Sweeney was talking when I had to get up to go to the bathroom. I whispered in my now sister-in-law's ear that I would be right back. I was a little nervous about standing up and walking out of the room, but I had no idea that it would be as bad as it was.

I just entered the bathroom, when I hear on the microphone "WHERE DID YOUR FRIEND GO?" then I heard "TO THE BATHROOM?" "TO TAKE A POOP!!!"

I'm in there dying listening to the crowd in hysterics. I wanted to find a back window and just climb out, but I braved my way back out and through the crowd to the front tables along the stage. The whole time I was walking through the crowded quiet room, Steve Sweeney was staring at me (like I was holding him up) with a smirk on his face and he said "SO, DID YOU TAKE A POOP?"

The whole place went nuts again and I was almost in tears from laughing and embarrassment. Then he said "THAT'S A REALLY NICE DRESS".

And got on with the show.

Last night I watched 3 hours worth of Steve Sweeney, Steven Wright, Geoge Carlin, Howie Mandell for about 2 minutes (the quality wasn't good), Eddie Murphy's Raw and Delirious from the 80's impersonations of Italians, White Family, Michael Jackson, Bill Cosby, Stevie Wonder and others, Steve Martin, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Robin Williams, Larry The Cable Guy and 5 minutes of Bobcat.

IT WAS THE BEST THREE HOURS I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.

Next weekend I am going to PA and one thing I miss about being around my brothers, is laughter.

They always have been able to keep me laughing and I know that they will get a kick out of Matthew's growing sense of humor, but also now he might beat Uncle P at Super Mario Brothers. It should be a fun time.

What Do You Get When You Take One Housebound little boy who has been sick and AND add in a few toys around the house and some chocolate chips?

Answer:

ALA Chocolate Chip cookies crumbled with peanut butter and Candy Corn AND A HALLOWEEN PARTY

He was insistent on making cheese and milk with oil to make cookies but when he started pulling out my pans to bake the concoction....

I hurriedly picked other ingredients that were available RIGHT THEN AND NOW & didn't have to be baked.

They are now in a covered container awaiting Daddy's taste test when he gets home from work.

Today for one child, he has played with every toy he owns, a little baking and creating and all with Mommy running around trying to play with him and keep up after every mess. He's worth it...

Although, we could have done without the orange juice spilled on Daddy's rug and couch pillows, applesauce spilled on the floor and Mommy's second degree burns on my left toes as scolding hot pizza fell out of the toaster oven and on my foot instead of the plate.

That's ok...It's my fault for trying to make lunch while changing the channel on the remote and insisting he wash his hands and cleaning up the latest toy in the kitchen that wasn't there two seconds earlier.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night. I am going with some moms from the meet up group I belong to on a Coach Bus to Mohegan Sun...yeah!!! I don't gamble, but from 6PM until 2 am (if I'm not sleeping), I will be forgetting all about the spills on the floor and the pizza burn on my toes.

Catching Up On My Reading - Remembering Infertility

A few weeks ago while at the library with Matthew, we ventured into an aisle for Mommy of "self -help" books. Although I've read alot over the years, I am always looking for ways to improve, learn and to nurture my soul. We found a place where Matthew could look at his books on the floor of the aisle I was in, while I quickly grabbed whatever grabbed my eye before he was finished reading his books.

One that immediately caught my eye, was by an author named Alice D. Domar, Ph.D. called Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as You Care for Everyone Else.

I had seen this wonderful woman when we were going through infertility at Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital in Brookline, MA. Her classes on meditation & relaxation for women going through the same stress' in life were remarkable. I left there with many meditation tapes with her soothing voice that eventually was the key I needed to complete my many intrusive exams at the time.

My body had become so anxiety ridden from numerous exams, blood work etc over the years that it was becoming to the point where I couldn't even have a pap smear. I found a wonderful doctor who is also into anything alternative to help in aiding patients and being a woman she is completely understanding. She let me listen to my tape for the 5 minutes I needed before the exam began and with alot of deep breathing and guided imagery while listening to the tape, I was in Ireland on the Cliffs Of Mohr and then it was done. I had never experienced anything so easy in my life.

After that I was able to finally do the exams where they took my eggs and eventually another exam where they would inseminate. The deep breathing and relaxation was the key to these as well.

My father in law had been mentioning to me for years about mind over matter. He introduced me to a book back in the early nineties by Herbert Benson (another pioneer of mind-over matter).

I used to just roll my eyes at some of his suggestions. I still do, but he knows that it is not with dis-respect but just a little deep for me at the moment. He had definitely hit a mark with his suggesting mind over matter.

One of my problems though is that once I got pregnant with Matthew, I forgot all about meditating and deep breathing. I thought I didn't need it anymore and after all I went through to get pregnant I wouldn't be rushing out the door for any more exams. God could take care of me for awhile.

The tapes and weekly charts of what I went through collected dust in my basement, where they still are. I have to get them out.

For some strange reason I didn't even pick up this book, until last night. I immediately read 60 pages all reminding me of the necessary means to take care of your mind, heart, soul and self.
I have been trying to go out more with moms that I have been meeting, I have been blogging more as a journal and therapeutic necessity for my creative self. I have been allowing myself my cup of iced coffee from Honey Dew Donuts, so I thought I am taking care of my "self". What I read though is about more than that.

The blogging/journals/writing is recommended due to (and I knew this) today's day and age of women more in the work force without family and friends around the corner, without community - this is their muse, their peace, their world, the place where everything they feel comes out and has a place.

While reading this I thought OK, I know what I'm talking about. I'm going to give you opinions of what I read last night...not exact quotes from the book (other's might take the meanings totally different from how I interpret it to my life).

She mentions though that if not taking the time to listen to your "self" for at least 45 minutes to an hour a day, which might include the relaxation and breathing exercises to help, everything in your life will suffer. From relationships to your every daily challenges and how we cope with small problems to major ones that we face.

She mentions how being a stay at home mom (not in the exact wording) face more depression issues, more anxiety issues, more illness, more social issues than a woman in the work force all day who then tries to juggle and balance family. The stigma is that women at home have the time to balance it all, but really there never is a balance. Women who work juggle more but due to them using there creative selves in the world, socializing with peers, just going out at lunch with a co-worker makes them less likely to get depression, anxiety, illness and social isolation.

She mentions that what we think might be balance in other peoples lives, just might be that there never is a balance. No one has balance. She also mentions that for women that stay home they (un-necessarily) expect more of the few relationships they do have and unknowingly put pressure on those people to achieve that expectation. She mentions that for the spouse of women at home, sometimes that spouse (due to the age we live in) then is supposed to be the husband, the father, the friend, the relative, the empty void that is missing with other relationships. The one who is to carry all of the weight and the financial burden of being the sole provider.

I know this is true for me. I don't want it to be true but it is. It wasn't my plan, but it seems that due to the age we live in, my staying home hasn't been the best for my relationships. Except Matthew. I really have to work on getting a job. Something that allows me to still be home, something that allows me to still be able to be there for Matthew. Today and tomorrow we have plans, but over the weekend I am going to work on my resume and just getting some of myself back into the real world. Maybe even finally finding a babysitter to go out with my husband on a date, would be a nice start.

I just ordered this book from Amazon so I have a copy to use and with my old tapes and maybe even a phone call to Dr. Ali, things will get easier.

Squirrels on a Sunday!

OK....I don't know if I posted about our squirrel problem in the past...but today I'm going to!!

Up until today, my neighbors and my husband have been thinking that the squirrel population surrounding our lakefront properties have been "growing and becoming a nuisance". I have not agreed with them due to the fact that I thought they were cute. They mostly lived up in the 300 year old trees and we would occasionally see them playing in the mornings or would see them in there nests from our bedroom windows and I would show Matthew Mama Squirrel and Baby Squirrel.

Well, now all that is changed!!!

A month or so ago, Eric had a small cookout for himself, Matthew, Eric's friend and his girlfriend. I was on my neighbor's porch and came home an hour or so later with more neighbors now to congregate on our deck. We were walking through my house, when I looked out on my patio set to see A SQUIRREL EATING MY SON'S LEFTOVER HOT DOG IN IT'S BUN!!! with the Ketchup and Mustard on either side of it. Before I could run and get my camera, my neighbor scared him off and we laughed about it.

The next day, I got the picture below as one of the culprits was checking out one of Matthew's toy lions.

Over the past few weeks, we would smile at the cute little guys as they sometimes poke their heads in our glass doors. Just Yesterday, one poked his head in through the glass.

A few weeks ago, my father in law sent us the video here and we all laughed and thought oh...we could send them across the lake.

Today, Eric took Matthew down the cape to visit family while I stayed home to read a book. I was quietly reading upstairs when I heard something fall. I had brought my cordless phone upstairs with me and forgot to carry it down. I came downstairs and saw items that had been on my microwave on the floor and then heard a noise around the corner on my kitchen counter.

YOU GUESSED IT, A SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a heart attack!!!!!

I ran outside and of course, my neighbors that lived either side of me, were not home.

I started yelling a few houses up and finally got a hold of my wonderful neighbors who came to save me.

My neighbors calmly told me "Oh, Just a squirrel, Get A Broom, He might have gotten in through the chimney (as they had experienced in the past)" I thanked them for their help as they got him out the back patio door and then after they left I looked out at that door. The SCREEN IS EATEN OUT WITH THE THREADS FACING IN AS IF THE WHOLE WAS MADE FROM THE OUTSIDE IN...TO BREAK INTO THE HOUSE!

This is where I draw the line.

Now I'm looking at them all outside each one identical to the other and not knowing who the criminal was.

I don't trust them all now when they start to make themselves at home, in my home.

I think with them looking in the windows, with them on the patio recently and our smiles we have given them sense of belonging AND THEY GOT THE WRONG MESSAGE.

I liked it better when I felt comfortable among them outside like we all are God's creatures nestled in here along the water. Now I am looking at them like they have ulterior motives.