Thankful Thursday - Mama Swan Almost Sliding Into Lake, Elmo

Alright....I'm bad when I'm blogging about this, but it was funny.

For the past few weeks, we have been having snow storms, icy conditions, cold temperatures and the usual New England wonderfulness that makes getting out of the house so enjoyable at this time of year. On the sunny days, it's freezing and Mama Swan is a warm weather bird.

Yesterday we had another, and they canceled Matthew's AM kindergarten classes due to the messy conditions.

This morning, was left behind solid ice.

I have a five minute window to get Matthew dressed in his coat and paraphernalia for this weather, putting on his backpack and heading the little penguin up my sidewalk and concrete stairs to the street level to meet the bus.

It isn't like I have to go far.

Today, it might as well have been across town.

As we were heading out the door, I put on my pair of Surell Boots, Papa Swan and I share. They were a gift to me, from him a million moons ago...but he gets more use out of them. I wore his coat, since it was handy and didn't put on gloves (only going up the sidewalk and stairs, why would I need them???)

I told Matthew as we were heading out, be careful...go slow and I'll hold you up and we will hold hands.

Yeah right. He was booking it no problem, saying "Mommy, we can skate!!!!"

I said, "Let's walk in the snow, it's easier to put your foot into it if you stomp hard enough and it will help your balance."

We did and it was easier....

BUT

Then we were at the steps that go up to the street.

Matthew had no problem, rushing ahead...while Mama Swan literally was balancing with one finger onto one little patch of rock that wasn't frozen. I couldn't move and I'm yelling to him "Don't go onto that street!!!! If I don't make it up there, you are not getting on the bus!! I need to be up there with you!!! Don't move...get away from the edge of the stairs..stop swaying back and forth!!!!"

All the while I'm trying to find some way to get myself to move up them.

I finally did, but knew if my neighbors are looking out their window right now...they had to be getting the laugh of the morning...seeing me trying to balance on a finger or and almost kill myself.

Fun, Fun Fun...

Earlier in the morning, Matthew got up even earlier with me and I wasn't ready. We put on the end of Sesame Street and I thought I love Elmo...and looked around from a play date earlier in the week, he was still in the living room.

I plopped our Huge Elmo, into the chair next to Matthew and said in a funny voice "Elmo loves Matthew, Can Elmo go to school with Matthew this morning??"

He looked at him and said "NO, ONLY IF HE GETS HIS OWN BUS!!"

Yet, I am not allowed to get rid of him or any other big stuffed animal taking up room in the house. hehe

Thankful Thursday - First day of 2009

A couple of days ago, I was thinking of having some old friends over with their kids for New Year's eve. Thought it was time and Matthew could play with the kids and stay up late, for his first time.

Due to the snow storm, we got 7 inches yesterday and we're pretty much housebound.

The night before, I was awake all night thinking of things in my head and not being able to fall asleep. One was - about 7 or 8 years ago, we were going to have a New Year's eve party and for some reason, it didn't pan out. I had bought decorations, blowers, hats, those hand things that rattle, balloons etc....

Yesterday afternoon I asked Eric, if he had seen that old bag that we never used. He thought I had thrown it out. We were all down in our basement, with the fire going while Matthew was creating beautiful artwork from his Blendy Pens Santa got him. I looked across the room, and jumping right out at me - was the bag.

We had the best time decorating the basement and having our own little party to decorate and Matthew hung his pictures all over the place, helped me put up streamers.

Eric braved the blizzard to get us Chinese for dinner, and Matthew said "I want to do this every New Years Eve."

Around 8:30, it was time for him to go to bed and I don't know what made me think of it, but am so glad I did.

I said to Papa Swan, "Let's pretend it's midnight with him right now and countdown and wear the stuff and blow those thingamagigs and yell Happy New Year!!" We did..and then we ended Matthew's night with a nice family hug and warm wishes for us and love, hugs and kisses.

Thankful Thursday - One Week left before Christmas

This year, due to finances we have had to cut back like everyone else. It stinks. I normally do a calender of pictures of Matthew for all grandparents and us, but this year we will be back to using the old ones they send us in the mail from the oil company.

Unless the after Christmas deals, make it extremely worth my effort:-) Hmmmmm...brain now working....

This year, we will forgo our present to one another again, for Matthew's sake so he can have what he deserves..and to pay the mortgage.

This year, again we will be happy and thankful for the blessings we have year round, the memories we make all year to fulfill our Christmas wish. That is really the most important thing.

I really believe that it is not the size of the present that is opened, but the love behind the gift.

For Matthew's sake, for him to understand giving and receiving from the heart, I just ask Papa Swan to make sure he is involved with letting Matthew make me a gift from his heart, and to be there when Papa Swan "gets me something small" to show Matthew that it is coming from him, and to be excited about giving to his "wife". Just as he needs to be apart of my giving to Papa Swan. He needs to witness this type of love on both sides, in order to feel whole and complete, and go out there in the world someday and have the generosity within his heart.

I believe that the memories and pictures that I take year round, witnessing the love from Daddy to son, from Matthew with anyone on both sides of our family enjoying life...are my continued love.

The gift that I give of capturing these moments is what gets me through each season, each winter, each day.

I really wake up each day and end the day thanking God for my miracle.

Again, I wouldn't have that miracle without Papa Swan. We wouldn't have our home.

So all I really am asking Santa for is that reciprocated love all year round, that Matthew can grow into the most high esteemed man someday by knowing all the gifts that he can give and receive in life.....without even spending a penny.

Well most of the time:-)

My point is, with one week left before the big day, I just want to make sure that Matthew turns into the most well rounded man someday. With love and faith, and a kind and generous heart and full of the most wonderful esteem. The kind where he is not only smart and can conquer the world and anything he puts his mind to, but the kind where he is a "whole" man and is never afraid to keep showing his loving side, that one doesn't have to be compromised without the other and that they go hand in hand in life.

And to know that each day, is really a gift and to explode with life everyday.

Merry Christmas Matthew and Papa Swan! I love you!

Thankful Thursday - The internet - My Mom's Birthday November 8th

Alright, this seems like a simple one, but really it is much deeper.

This week has been crazy as usual. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had joined one of those myspace type places where I could be a part of a "friendly" network and share with them.

Through this medium, there are all types of "subgroups" for everything you can imagine, quizzes, trivia, horoscopes and group for anything and everything on your mind.

I've joined a few of them.

One of them happened to be a group, that wound up being another website entirely made up of people wanting to vent and share in regards to whatever ails them...which in my case happened to be my mother's illness.

This group allowed me to set up a page, where again there are places for journals, videos, pictures, communities, friends and profile comments.

The first night I was on Eric's laptop so I couldn't upload any pictures, and only briefly set up my account. Again this is an account where only people who you invite as friends, can view. In this case, the people on the site are all related to or have themselves, the neurological disease my mom suffered from.

I set up a brief profile with a brief explanation on how I have been affected by this illness in my family. I briefly mentioned about my mother suffering for many years and with her passing in 2006. I mentioned how my brothers and I are considered at-risk, and that therefore, my beautiful miracle is at risk. I mentioned how I pray every day for a cure.

Within seconds, I had three replies from Australia, California and Canada. The first woman from Australia is now a caretaker of her husband and they just celebrated 39 years of marriage, and how she prays he will be able to be there for more. She had never heard of this disease before her husband was diagnosed, she has two sons and two grandchildren. She says she prays also for patience and that she tries to not take it out on her husband, but sometimes it was hard.

The woman from California was just married and was diagnosed. The 25 year old woman from Canada has it and is married. Her mom passed, when this woman was 17, she was diagnosed at 19. She is in assisted living with nurses and has the most positive attitude and website, full of poems, and how to deal with life with a positive attitude. She mentions that when her husband and her have children, they will use the genetic testing on the embryo's to ensure that gene is not passed down.

The next morning I had received two more welcomes, from woman both from England who have it. One has two beautiful children under 7, the other does not have children yet.

By yesterday morning, I was shaking in my shoes. I immediately thought what did I do...I'm not just sharing with the world, my horror of this illness, but people who actually have it are emailing me. Part of me, wants to remain in a fetal position about this. Since having Matthew, and since my mom's passing other than on this blog, I have put the disease out of my mind, just trying to enjoy every moment with my son and not face possibly the black whole that might be ahead.

So when someone who has it was emailing me, I shared how wonderful it is that they CAN REACH OUT, they can type, they can email and look for resources, groups, support, friends, family, poems, websites however they need to. That - that in itself is HUGE.

I told them how my father and mother didn't have that luxury. Not only was it too late, by the time my father even got a computer, but the resources in the valley weren't what they are today. Support groups, the closest physical one was in Philadelphia two hours away. There wasn't even cell phones then, to call someone for a ride.

Someone who is being a full time caretaker, doesn't have the strength to drive two hours away, organize a bus to get there, or even organize a local support group. Especially because he was a man, he wasn't into organizing support groups. So instead, there was nothing.

To this day, my father doesn't like to be involved in forums, chatting and such because he is of the old school and doesn't 'LIKE to air his laundry" but that doesn't mean he didn't need the help or just need a hug.

My point is though, for the people of today who do have to suffer with this or any other horrendous disease, there are other options and the mindset of those are growing up with technology and support around them so it is getting easier.

And for my mother's birthday I've decided in her honor, to stay apart of this group to offer the only words and cyber hugs I can. One daughter mentioned how she was her mom's caretaker and how she would go to the nursing home and just rub her arm and sing her an Irish tune. Boy did that hit me. The last day of her life, she smiled at the end. The daughter felt relief as if her mom was then running through daisies. I shared with her how my mother hung on for 3 days due to she finally had her three children in the same room, and she wasn't going to let go, how we all sang to her.

And at the end, how I told my father "Dad, she's free!! She's healthy, she's flying over us, heading out that window going to watch the sunrise with her brother and her parents and have a beer!!! SHE'S HEALTHY!!"

Happy Birthday Mom....................I love you.

Thankful Thursday - Mama Swan works the machine in Honey I Shrunk The Kids (In Matthew's Dream)

This morning someone woke up and the first words out of his mouth, were:

"Mommy I had a dream that you were running that machine in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, but it worked the opposite way and you pointed it to Grammy R's house, and it blew up Grammy and Pa Man."

Me still sleeping, was so excited that he got to have a dream of me running that machine. (One of my favorite movies, taking my little brother P to see way back in the day, when it came out.)

But when he saw me smiling, with my mind thinking about that, he yelled "BUT MOMMY, YOU BLEW UP GRAMMY AND PA MAN!!"

Back to reality, I said "That's terrible honey! But did I get to shrink Daddy? Was he out running around in the yard in the wild?"

He said "No" looking at me in a confused state that I wasn't still dwelling on my blowing up the neighbors.

I told him, that it was too bad that machine didn't work right and did that to the poor neighbors.

That I'm sure I didn't mean it.

I asked him if I shrunk anything and he said "ONLY A FEW ANIMALS."

I said, That's okay.

How cool am I???? To work that machine in his dream? Just wish I had actually shrunk people, like even us and we went on an adventure.....and that I could have the same dream as him and we could experience it together..

I know...now I know where he gets his imagination from.

The funny thing is, that he only saw that movie once about a year ago!

But the other day, on an awesome site I was told about where you can watch movies for free called Surfthechannel.com we actually looked for that one to watch. Didn't find it, so we watched Barnyard 2 instead.

But that was it.

He is like me and I love hearing his stories about his dreams, it reminds me of when I used to at least remember my dreams and I would tell them to Eric and we would laugh because they were so wild. Haven't had any like that though in at least 6 years or more.

Now he can be my dreamer.

Here's to Honey I Shrunk The Kids!!

Two Posts For Thankful Thursday - I had to.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,

and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you make my favorite cake for me,

and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I heard you say a prayer,

and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,

and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing,

and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it,

and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw how you handled your responsibilities,

even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw tears come from your eyes,

and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know

to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I looked at you and wanted to say,

'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend) influence the life of a child.

Leave the rest to God.

Thankful Thursday - Cuddles

Alright, yesterday morning we decided we would try to change the morning routine from getting ready downstairs after breakfast. Due to Matthew using his shirt instead of a napkin, during dinner and even after brushing his teeth, this was my best option. Feed him first, then we work on getting dressed and out the door in time for the bus. His curls and hair right now, are out of control and we need to get them cut. Not completely off, just tamed down and reshaped.

I would spritz his bed hair down with water to tame it, after he got dressed and then we would run upstairs to the blow dryer.

He said, "Mom, why don't we just get ready upstairs?" Smart little man that he is. I know that was the answer, but it was so awesome coming from him.

So, this morning, we tried it...and it's going to still need some tweaking. I think that no matter what routine we have, we still need to get up even earlier at 6:00 instead of 6:30. He is like mommy. He needs his time in the morning, to dilly dally and eat slowly, just like I need my coffee to function.

We will get this under control. He is still adjusting to this five mornings in a row, and it's a long week for him. He is also now adjusting to coming home, to Daddy being here with me. Transitions are hard enough, and now to throw in - in his mind....Daddy's home to play everyday? It's like suddenly every afternoon is a weekend, in his mind. Eric's not complaining, he loves to play with him.

They say every child needs a routine, and I've tried to make that so for him since he was an infant. No matter what the routine was at the time, he knew it and knew what to expect each day. Occasionally (I'm talking twice a year) would we vary from that routine, due to vacations or whatever, but for the most part he knew his routine, and I believe it adds to a child's disposition if they have structure and routines.

Anyway, we will get back to a routine again someday.

This morning, we were waiting for his bus and he put his right arm out and stretched it up to the sky and said "This is my cuddling arm!! When that one can't reach I cuddle you with this arm!!"

So cuddles are one routine, I'm thankful for and hope they always are there for me and him.

Toothless Thursday

Yesterday, Mama Swan went to see an Oral Surgeon. I have to have my abscessed wisdom tooth and the remnants of an old root canal extracted. I am the biggest wimp in the world, and decided to choose to be put almost all the way out during the surgery.

The appointment isn't until the middle of October, so as long as the pain stays away - fingers crossed, once these buggers are pulled, life will return to normal.

Growing up, due to my mom's illness, (famous words I use often) parenting issues such as dental care went on the back burner for my brothers and I. I don't blame anyone, because like I mentioned before my father had his world turn into a hurricane and tornado in his home, and he did the best he could.

But now with Matthew, I just want to make sure that nothing slips through the cracks.

I have to make him a dentist appointment right now. We are waiting to find out when unemployment benefits will kick in, due to Eric's contract ending.

I'm a little nervous, because my little guy lost two teeth days before starting kindergarten.

The first one happened on August 5th. He was playing with a light saver, from Star Wars and it hit him in the mouth. On the way to swimming lessons in the car, he yells "Mommy! Look!!! My tooth came out!!" I looked back and panicked as I saw blood just covering his little face and mouth, pulled the car over (ironically into a dental parking lot), to catch my breath and calm down. My babies first tooth that came out of his little mouth.

Not even two weeks later, the tooth next to it came out.

This morning, he is telling me "Mom, the other one now is loose!!" I'm like "Listen Your Only In Kindergarten!!!! Stop touching it!!!!

He also told me that when I have my surgery, I could put them under my pillow for the tooth fairy.

I wonder if she will leave me enough to cover the cost of the surgery. hmmmmm

Happy Birthday Mom & Thankful Thursday

Once Again, Mom....HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

This morning was an interesting one, to say the least. In less than an hour I felt like Erma Bombeck who I used to love. My English teacher in high school introduced me to her writings and I've loved them since.

The morning began at 6:45 and we needed to get up for school. Matthew immediately started out the morning by saying he was still tired. I thought, OK...15 more minutes under the covers and then that's it.

At 7 AM he started saying how he didn't want to go to school today. When I asked him why he mentioned that he was comfy and cozy and just didn't want to get up and go. I let him know that if we could get through today, he would have almost a full week vacation off due to Veteran's Day on Monday.

He didn't want any part of it and me being the cozy loving, cuddling, sleep loving, bed loving under the covers mom that I am, I forced myself up to get dressed, turn on his shows on the TV downstairs, make coffee and get him something to eat.

Twenty minutes later, him and Daddy were snuggling on the couch. I said "This isn't helping me." Daddy made him a deal that if he went to school, I would let him play Super Mario games on the computer when he comes home.

He really is getting carried away and it is amazing to me to see how at four years old, he is not spoiled, but he needs to stop expecting things such as toys, games - computer related or otherwise. I need to put my foot down. I will let him play his games today and luckily tomorrow we have a play date to get out of the house. We also had one yesterday so at least his time is being spent more socializing with his friends than in the house on the computer. He is Daddy's little boy and he will tell me to just type in "the network"!!

The other day I found out that network isn't the same as Daddy's but The CARTOON NETWORK site.

He is really good and plays more than batman & spiderman and superhero games. He is really good at educational games as well and loves just as much to be online playing WORD WORLD games on PBSkids.com

I don't want to hold him back from learning but somehow I need to let him know that life wasn't always this technical or this easy. I hate to sound like my parents, but I find myself starting now to say "Back when I was a kid" and I know that isn't the answer but I need to give him a view of life without computers or toys constantly being shown on the commercials. In two minutes he will ask me for five toys one after another. I keep saying add it to your list for Santa and I keep making him aware of how many times he is asking for something. We'll say "Where are we going to put all of these toys?"

He'll just say "Upstairs, down the basement" (because that is where all of his toys are)

And he is only almost 5.

Anyway, back to this morning. He finally ate two bites of an oatmeal raisin cereal bar (not enough) and then as we were getting ready to put on his sneakers (8:05- school starts at 8:30), he started telling me that he had a bump on the back of his head.

I found it under the hair and immediately feared what it was. He has never had one up to this point and now in hindsight I feel like a horrible mom because he was the one to find it and not me.

It was a tick!!!!

Eric naked in the shower trying to get ready for work, peeked out and confirmed my fears. He told Matthew that he would take it out. While we were waiting for Daddy to throw on a towel, Matthew went into panic mode and hid out in the closet. I assured him that Daddy is a professional and that he used to do this with Ringo and Pooker all of the time. I assured him that Daddy taking it out would be alot easier than not taking it out and that it could make him sick.

At 8:15 Daddy got that damn live tick out of my angel's head.

At 8:18 Matthew squished him with his magnifying glass after thinking he was cool.

At 8:25 we were in the car and Matthew said "What kind of bug was that again?" I told him and he repeated it and said he would have to tell his teacher and his friends.

I immediately am panicking about the horribleness of kids being cruel said "Don't tell the kids about it honey. You can tell your teacher. I'm telling your teacher."

Thank you God today wasn't show and tell and he would want to bring it in.

So now it is time for me to go pick him up.

I am going to have to cut my Thankful things list down today due to timing.

1. I'm Thankful Daddy was home so that he could get that thing out of his hair.
2. I'm Thankful Matthew eventually made it to school today.
3. I'm Thankful for my coffee.
4. I'm Thankful for my life that I can find the humor in this due to my experience with Erma Bombeck. I know my English teacher passed away years ago, but thank you Mrs. B.

Have a pint with my mom today and give her a hug for me.

Thankful Thursday

Today is the first day of November. The first day of the month that celebrates being Thankful for your blessings. Every day of every year, I'm thankful but I thought it would be nice to make a special list on every Thursday during this month to really put them out there for the world to see.

My Top Ten What I'm Thankful For:

1. I'm Thankful for my health even though it seems to let me down at times. At this point in my life, I'm here for my son and that is my most prized blessing. (I just have to quit smoking) -maybe tomorrow I'll do a list for what I need to stop doing.
2. 
   
   I'm Thankful for God's blessing of my son. No other explanation needed, my blog speaks volumes of my love for him.
3. 
   
   I'm Thankful for Eric. Without him, my son wouldn't be here ( I would have given in after years of infertility to adoption and missed out on our most wonderful blessing), I wouldn't have the most beautiful house and possibly the financially challenging ability to be a stay at home mom. I wouldn't have 17 years of memories, some good and some bad but when we hold and look at our son, that love is the strength that keeps us going when times are tough.
4. 
   
   I'm Thankful for my mother and father. I know it sounds like I'm repeating myself, but without them, I wouldn't be here. Matthew wouldn't be here. Without them I wouldn't be the person I am, the person who cherishes family as life's most prized possession and to make the most out of every day, by enjoying our health while we have it and creating the memories for our son, while we are still on this earth.
5. 
   
   I'm Thankful for my brothers. I wouldn't be used to living with men, without them. haha... They gave me the strength I needed in my life by giving me love, hugs and humor, songs in my heart and soul with some tearful moments in between but a bond that will never be broken.
6. 
   
   I'm Thankful that God gave me one more November of being in my 30's..last one!! I'm really not looking forward to it, but hey! I'm enjoying my last November!


7. I'm Thankful for music. I know it sounds trite but it's not. It's in my soul. I need it in me to get through every day. The days I don't get to have those moments to feel my soul, everyone around me knows it.
8. 
   
   I'm Thankful for my blessing from God of my singing. I know I don't sing in church like I should or in a choir or a band, but I still know what a blessing I've been given and appreciate that part of me.
9. 
   
   I'm Thankful for God's beautiful world. I have been blessed to see Alaska, California, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Maine, Vermont, Maryland, Florida, Ireland and Cancun. I wish I had time in my life to take Matthew on a road trip of the whole country to really see all of God's beautiful landscaping scenery of the mountains, lakes and everything in between.
10. 
    
    I'm Thankful for my time to blog, because God knows I need an outlet for my soul and this is it.

I will be leaving you today with one last picture of my little guy on Halloween night.

Thankful for Daddy who gave me my Spiderman: