True Love - Pat Benatar

Pat Benatar - True Love

Pat Benatar - True Love
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Ok...Mommy is a mood today...a true love mood....and hey!!! Instead of a Manic Monday Mood. I couldn't figure out how to add it too my post, so I'll just leave it up for a week or so until my mood changes:-) Isn't she awesome?

Enjoy!

Lazy Sunday's

Today was one of those days where we just hung around the house. Matthew took his car for a little ride up the street with Daddy. I have been busy doing laundry that I've ignored for almost 3 days and finally I couldn't ignore it anymore.

Well, my brother J (from now on to be called Elvis-due to some fond memories Mommy has of him when we were little) was off a week, with my niece's first Holy Communion date. Thank God for me. Now Matthew and I will take the trek down there this week, for a whole week. We will leave either on Friday or Saturday at the latest. Matthew hasn't been down there since January, and it is not worth it for Mommy to lug both of us down there for just a weekend. I am hoping that we will get to see my other brother P (from now on to be called Zeppelin-just kidding - to be called Gorge!! - short for Gorgeous!!! Not pronounced Horhe or georgie It is a nickname I had for him when he was little) as well. He now lives just over an hour south of where my family is from and in June it will be one year since I've seen him. I can't handle that. I've always been the older sister, the one to keep the family tight. I arrange reunions and try to enforce the importance of family to them. Him moving is out of my control. He is all grown up now there is nothing I can do. It's life.

I never thought I would have a problem with it, since I moved to MA when he was just 11 years old. As the years have gone on, the older he has got, the more he would be with friends when I would come in anyway. But over the last few years, we grew even closer than we already were. When he told me over a year ago, that he was moving, I said "Go For IT!" He was following love and I know better than anyone that you have to follow your heart in life and at least he wasn't moving to another state, he would still only be an hour south. Little did I know that, that hour and life in general would keep us apart on both sides of the equation. I miss his hugs and his smile, his sense of humor is awesome. He would have such an awesome time right now seeing Matthew grow up and into his own sense of humor. That's why I post so much on my blog, so my brothers and father and friends and other family can see everyday into Matthew's world. That in today's day and age, we don't have to be far apart, we can just click on the Internet and there we are. Now if I can only get all of them to have a blog and let me view their pics, I'd really be happy.

So here's to this week!!! First Holy Communions and Family Reunions (fingers crossed). BTW: My brother Elvis means just as much to me, just wanted to stress right now about Gorge!! I have to call him when I am done posting to see if he is going to be able to get off work to go to L's Holy Communion.

More about Elvis later! hehe

Mommy's New Hair Cut - Her mother's daughter

Ok....so I'm now posting that I finally got my haircut. What's this world coming to? Little things make me happy.

Today I took the plunge, into my short hair cut again. I haven't had it this short since Matthew was a year old.

I was a little scared, because of my own insecurities about my mom's illness. My mom's illness in her later years, deprived her of being able to have a nice hairstyle (to say the least). Because of her disease, her movements and jerking of her muscles kept my father and anyone else that wanted to cut her hair, impossible. She would wake up every day with knots that were unbearable to control and so a really short hair cut was mandatory for her.

For the last 10 years or so, anyone that would see me would say "You look just like your mom". As long as I kept my hair long, in my mind that meant "when my mom was healthy" and I would be so proud because she was so beautiful. But then on bad hair days or days when I would just get out of the shower and look in the mirror, her image in her later years has started to catch up with me. They say after you have kids, something changes hormonally and you start looking like your mom. I'm not vain or shallow. If my mother hadn't had a horrendous disease that destroyed her inner and outer self, my hair and my looking like her would be the last thing on my mind.

For the last two years I've been debating cutting my hair all off again, just because with Matthew it is easier for me to get out the door. I've mentioned before that I don't have the time anymore to primp and curl or blowdry with product etc. But I didnt' want to give up my last few moments (it feels sometimes) of sexiness, of me - the me who I don't want to let go of. The me that is terrified of being at risk for that illness and what the future might hold for me, being Matthew's mom.

I finally got my hair cut today because I feel like you know what! Cut it all off! Eric is going to color it for me tomorrow night and hopefully that will spice it up a little to just add a little of me, to the look.

I am very happy that I got it cut. I did start to tear up when the girl started getting shorter and shorter and I kept looking in the mirror and my mother started appearing more and more in the reflection. Once she was done, it looked fresh and beautiful and I am going to now be proud to say You know what! I do look just like my mom and even her in her later years, but I am making her proud. After the amount of years she suffered, the least I could do is walk around with a smile with my haircut and say - Here I Am and I'm still living (with my mom in my heart) !!!

ok....one more for today

I wasn't going to post again, but I have too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The car in the pics was wonderfully lent to us by Matthew's Godmother. Matthew loves it and is really an awesome driver!!!!

He hit Mommy's car and the porch, but considering he is only 4, I'm very proud... Now if Mommy next time doesn't take the pictures through the window, they will come out better.

Fantasy Friday - ONE OF MOMMY'S FAVORITE MEMORIES

Well, today I was looking for a theme of how I was feeling...something, fancy that goes with Friday....oh yeah, Fantasy Friday....(silly I know).

I am always looking for pictures of where I am from in PA or pictures that represent part of what makes me complete as a person.

I've mentioned in the past that I had a rough time growing up with my mom's illness. Once I was old enough to get my license I started to really see that the beauty was more than just in the woods surrounding my neighborhood, that it was across on the other mountain - or down that road, up that big hill, over into the farms. It just kept expanding as I started getting more adventurous.

In one of those adventures, in the summertime, I found the place in the above picture. The part of PA I'm from is full of beauty like this with waterfalls, wonderful lush forests, gorges and swimming tubs.

The more that I would get stressed with my situation at home, ironically the more water was calming or would pull me. I would spend hours just deep in thought at this particular gorge. The picture doesn't do it justice. Picture being down there, on the rock closest to that and now close your eyes and feel the cold splash or the mist and water and listen to that roaring sound of the water. A few people closest to me were lucky enough to visit it with me, before the city had for safety's sake closed off the area. The dangerous height and irresponsibility of teenagers left it a dangerous mix. I did my own share of "escaping" while down there and even diving into it...although from a 5 foot cliff, not even near the height some kids dived from. Although I did read that they have made it safer in the summertime now. I have to get back to visit.

My fantasizing today isn't about my escaping then and the fact that I swam in it. I'm not bragging. I brag about Matthew. hehe

My fantasy today is in the beauty and sound of that gorge, that when I can't make it in again this weekend for my niece's Holy Communion due to weather and other issues including financial, this picture is a place I can escape to in my mind even for one minute.

That Thank God I at least have my fantasy to keep me going and for me it's more than a fantasy, it's called a MEMORY.

In the my late teens-early 20's, in the summer time, I sat in that gorge. If you look in the picture to where those two rocks come together, to where it starts the actual waterfall. I sat in that water rushing over the edge, like one big, calming, wonderful, healing, natural, scenic hug with the water hitting me like jets in a hot tub. This is only one of many of Mommy's scenic memories in life, that I like to remember now and then....it's good for the soul.

On a good note, Matthew and I will be going down next week sometime for a whole week. Mommy's mother day present to myself.