Thank You Mom/Grandma

I've only been waiting 19 months for my mom to come to me in a dream and it happened last night.

I think from the induced haze I was in that she must have tried before but my mind is always so busy that I never even remember my dreams and always sleep deeply (until abruptly awakened).

Last night before I fell asleep, I had shown Eric an advertisement in a Better Homes & Garden magazine of a little boy taking a drink from the bathroom sink faucet. This little boy made us look twice in his resemblance to Matthew.

All I know is right before I woke up at 7 am this morning I had been dreaming that my hair was longer again and I was the lead singer of a band in this really cloudy night club, in a punkish 80's band but yet it felt like I was in the 80's and not me at my age today.

All I remember is her face making it through this cloudy haze with her hair longer and mouthing and saying the words "HE IS BEAUTIFUL SWEETHEART".

Enough to bring tears from me even now as I'm typing it.

My mom while in the nursing home would occasionally say sweetheart when you could make it out and within the few months prior to her passing I swore in my ear she mouthed I love you sweetheart to me very faintly in my ear.

I told people about it at the time, because I know what I heard but then with her decline and years of lacking the ability to communicate, I even had my doubts at times.

Some people looked at me and said "That's nice" while I know they were thinking I was losing my mind or wishing it was true, but doubting it was.

Since she passed I had really thought that surely in a dream now that she is healthy and happy and free from illness, she would visit me because I am her daughter and now being a mother and having a child - that I really know that bond.

I think that she might have tried.

Especially seeing her through that cloudy haze pushing her way through.

It was like she had to push through clouds to get me to see her.

And I did.

It was the most beautiful sight that the depth of the moment is what woke me up and I had to force myself to keep remembering that vision of her and to blog about it so I never forget.