Happy New Years Everyone

Just wanted to wish my family and friends a HEALTHY, HAPPY, PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR with lots of love and family to be in your life.

That's my only wish for this new year.

That of course includes myself, Papa Swan and Matthew:-)

My resolution for 2009 is:

to stop feeling weighed down by finances, friends and family far away and to start taking control of my own life right here. I know I am blessed with Matthew, but I really need to put into action my taking my "own" happiness into gear. Not only will I find a job again to help us out, but will also make sure Matthew has a well balanced life with his self esteem in tact as well as his sense of "family" on both sides of his family that are part of "who he is".

My resolution is to begin tackling every day right here. As I have been, but with a different mindset. More of a mission, than feeling like a victim of my own decision to move here many years ago. It was my decision. I'm tired of playing the same old tapes over in my head and my heart.

No one will ever hear me say again (uh oh..should I really type this)...no one will ever hear me say again.....that it is hard...poor me.

You all know my heart, but for Matthew's sake as well as my own sake, I need to focus on what is here.

I've always been the one to put everyone in my life first, and due to that I've not taken courses, stayed at jobs, gave up social engagements due to someone else's views or opinions or lack of desire from other parties involved, kept in contact with certain friends, to more recently wearing the same old sweats year after year and basically just become someone who has lost herself.

No one can help me, but me. No one can help enforce my life, but me. I'm not blaming anyone but me.

Therefore, as my resolution for my life's sake, for my miracle's sake:

I resolve to find "me" again, to reach out again, to learn how to listen to other's again, to be a friend again in order to gain a friend, to learn how to use the phone again (still blog though). I resolve to work on me and not feel sorry for myself anymore.

Starting tomorrow!

Tonight I will drink White Zin and have one more pity party!!

Cheers!

Love you all!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

He's coming.....If you check out Norad's website to track Santa, he is now in Mongolia!!! Matthew just yelled to me that he has moved from Japan into "another state!!! Mommy!! Mongolia"

Make sure you are good today!!! He always has time to check in on who is being naughty or nice:-)

We love you all!
The Swan Family

Tuesday Catching up with Matthew's creativity

Today I was just going to post a few things because I have been trying to keep my neck and shoulder area happy. All week last week, my body was so sore and then on Friday morning, I woke up with the worst neck pain that really wouldn't let me do anything but sit on the recliner with pillows behind my head.

Usually neck pain or a crimp in your neck goes away in an hour or so....not me...try 4 days now and I still can't turn my head to the left.

Finally yesterday I forced my self to get out and pray I only drove in a straight line to get some shopping done.

I was able to make it back safely.

This is ridiculous! I can't be "grounded" at this time of year!!

Not to mention we now have two feet of snow on the ground due to two winter storms, so scraping the ice of your car and the snow is really hard when you can't move your neck and you are in pain...

Alright enough about me.

On a lighter and happier and funnier and lovelier note. Matthew has had a wonderful week of making memories with Papa Swan, using his creative side

and helping me bake cookies (before my neck pain)

and yesterday after letting it sit overnight we attempted to finish off a gingerbread house we had hanging around from last year. It was practice for today. It is my sister in law's annual gingerbread house day with her sons and nieces and nephews that she does every year. Eric will be driving us. There is no way I could attempt Boston driving until my neck feels better.

Last Tuesday, Eric was watching Chronicle and they mentioned there was Harvard Museum Of Natural History that he had never been to in Cambridge that between certain hours on Wednesday afternoons was free to the public. He took Matthew and they had a ball.

This was a creation that he made for us with his teachers for Christmas that he insisted we both open. It is the most beautiful handmade calender for the new year. It is absolutely precious and something I as a mom, treasure so much. To have him do this, and not tell us and to have the teachers do this with him, it really is a tearjerker. Pictures to come at a later date.

Some funny quotes and antidotes from him this week:

1. He is singing and humming Jingle Bells, and Gloria Estevan's Let It snow by dancing and putting his finger up in a John Travolta style on the emphasis of the music. He does this while making gingerbread houses, building Lego's or playing Mario.
2. Making the Gingerbread House, he told me he wanted to add A GARAGE!
3. Matthew: Mommy, what year was I born? I told him 2003. Matthew: It hasn't changed yet?
4. While playing with his Lego's under the Christmas tree before school in the morning, he says "Mommy, I want to be a professional FISHERMAN when I grow up!" I told him he can do anything he puts his mind to! He said "And I want to catch trout for us for dinner!!"
5. This morning, first words out of his mouth were: I had a nightmare that a Mexican bear was chasing me and my cousin C.
6. Last night he fell asleep before Daddy's promised kiss and a hug, so first thing today he ran into Daddy to hug him and tell him "YOU FORGOT TO GIVE ME A HUG AND A KISS LAST NIGHT!" We assured him, he didn't forget, but he was asleep when he got them.

Thankful Thursday - One Week left before Christmas

This year, due to finances we have had to cut back like everyone else. It stinks. I normally do a calender of pictures of Matthew for all grandparents and us, but this year we will be back to using the old ones they send us in the mail from the oil company.

Unless the after Christmas deals, make it extremely worth my effort:-) Hmmmmm...brain now working....

This year, we will forgo our present to one another again, for Matthew's sake so he can have what he deserves..and to pay the mortgage.

This year, again we will be happy and thankful for the blessings we have year round, the memories we make all year to fulfill our Christmas wish. That is really the most important thing.

I really believe that it is not the size of the present that is opened, but the love behind the gift.

For Matthew's sake, for him to understand giving and receiving from the heart, I just ask Papa Swan to make sure he is involved with letting Matthew make me a gift from his heart, and to be there when Papa Swan "gets me something small" to show Matthew that it is coming from him, and to be excited about giving to his "wife". Just as he needs to be apart of my giving to Papa Swan. He needs to witness this type of love on both sides, in order to feel whole and complete, and go out there in the world someday and have the generosity within his heart.

I believe that the memories and pictures that I take year round, witnessing the love from Daddy to son, from Matthew with anyone on both sides of our family enjoying life...are my continued love.

The gift that I give of capturing these moments is what gets me through each season, each winter, each day.

I really wake up each day and end the day thanking God for my miracle.

Again, I wouldn't have that miracle without Papa Swan. We wouldn't have our home.

So all I really am asking Santa for is that reciprocated love all year round, that Matthew can grow into the most high esteemed man someday by knowing all the gifts that he can give and receive in life.....without even spending a penny.

Well most of the time:-)

My point is, with one week left before the big day, I just want to make sure that Matthew turns into the most well rounded man someday. With love and faith, and a kind and generous heart and full of the most wonderful esteem. The kind where he is not only smart and can conquer the world and anything he puts his mind to, but the kind where he is a "whole" man and is never afraid to keep showing his loving side, that one doesn't have to be compromised without the other and that they go hand in hand in life.

And to know that each day, is really a gift and to explode with life everyday.

Merry Christmas Matthew and Papa Swan! I love you!

Remember When Wednesday - Matthew Christmas Memories

This morning it was a little snowy and mushy out getting ready for school. As I was getting him ready, I told Matthew that he has ten days off between Christmas Eve and January 5th, and that we would go to PA for a few days to fill in the time, just the two of us.

He wasn't happy with that. He wants to stay here and be at his house during his vacation. I told him it would only be for a few days, but he kept insisting he wants to stay at home. He wants to go sledding. I told him we could do that at home and in PA. He really kept insisting that he doesn't want to go.

I told him he hasn't been there since June and that Mommy would love for him to come with her, but he really kept insisting he didn't want to go. It's not that he doesn't want to see his family there, but I think the ride for him and the anticipated trip without Daddy being with him, was making him apprehensive.

So we shall see.

But in good news, he told me "Mommy, Christmas Morning is Next Week!!!" I said, "Yes, Santa comes on Christmas Eve and then when you wake up on Christmas morning, toys!!"

He said "LAST YEAR AND THE YEAR BEFORE, I KEPT GETTING UP EVERY DAY AND EVERY DAY AND THEN ONE DAY.......WAS FINALLY THE DAY!!!"

Yeah!!!

Too keep it this simple forever, I wish it would stay this way.....

Oh well.......

I thought I needed a change:-)

My birthday gift to myself....and no your not seeing white stuff.

That is my snow falling.

Your computer isn't going out!!!

I looked out the window this morning, and thought I want to make it snow on my blog:-)

Catching Up with Uncle P and Grandpa P

I really wish and pray that not only could I stick to blogging once a day, that I could stick to the promises and wishes that I make for myself everyday.

The last few weeks were busy trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, then my brothers visit with his beautiful and sweet family oriented new girlfriend M.

About a month ago, I mentioned to Phil (oh no I said it!) I'm tired of calling him P and he doesn't mind.

Anyway, we mentioned Matthew asked Santa Claus for Nintendo Mario paraphernalia and I asked him if he had any old stuff lying around, since he has played games since the original Nintendo. He said he didn't. He later called me to mention, that his girlfriend M had one in her trunk, that she wanted to "give" Matthew for Christmas. Now, how absolutely wonderful is she!!! Not only does she love to travel, she gets my brother up here to visit and bring my son his gift for a Super Nintendo System with controllers and three games, including Mario every kind made since 1985 (which is the one I used to play with my brother when he was little), Donkey Kong and Yoshi? Spelling not sure?

Now before they came, I called my brother that Friday night at 10 pm to ask when they would be leaving the next morning. We had already established they wouldn't leave until then, due to both of their work schedules. He told me they would leave Saturday morning around 6 and try to be in MA by 11. So when Matthew woke up at his usual 6:30 am time, we stayed in bed and stayed cozy until 8 before getting up.

I walked down to the kitchen, calling Phil on the cell phone just to make sure that he was on the road, and maybe now in upstate NY leaving him a message on his machine, since it didn't pick up. I hang up and I don't know what made me look up towards my street level, parked in front of my garage was a car!!! I opened the door looking all beautiful since I had not even showered or done anything except get out of bed, and screamed at him and her!! What are you doing here?????? You aren't supposed to be here for another three hours!!!! Look at me!!!!

As soon as M stepped into my house, with the warmest of hugs and smiles and the look on my brothers face of happiness, I could care less if I looked like I worked in the coal mines all day or was a chimney sweep. Their immediate happiness and my immediate happiness erased every feeling I had about my appearance.

They wound up getting on the road at 1 am because they like to do things like that!!

I used to do things like that, so I can relate. Before Matthew of course.

Anyway, after a brief nap, they gave me M's grandmother's unbelievable home made nut roll and my brother's home made Banana Bread with a nice bottle of wine. I told M that she had me as soon as she walked in, and said she loves to travel.

To see both of there faces, as they watched Matthew open up his gift from them, was something that will always be close to my heart. It is one thing to have someone enjoy opening a gift you got for them, but when it is your son, and his uncle came all that way for him, with M not only providing the present but the get down on your hands and knees and playing with my son, the getting on the floor, grabbing the controls and showing him every level of Mario, every level of Yoshi and every level of Donkey Kong. Matthew will always now hold her close to his heart.

She is queen in his eyes.

Not many girls come to our house and know the in's and outs of Mario!!

It's gifts to my son's heart that touch me. It wasn't the present. Although it is awesome. It was making Matthew feel special and that his home, and having his family here to enjoy it with him, to share in his joy of a game, or a story or memories in a photo album. I don't just like to take the pictures for the album, I like to capture that love that was given and received at that moment for my son.

When they had to leave to say it was sad, was an understatement. But not before promising to return when they have more time, and weather permitting.

The gift of my brother coming up with M, was all I could ever ask for.

Imagine my surprise, when last weekend for my birthday my father told me he would be coming up.

A first cousin of my father's passed away. He was going to attend the viewing at two o'clock and then get on the road. I told him he might hit rush hour traffic in Hartford, CT but he wasn't worried, driving slow taking his time..... When I had heard about our cousin that passed, it immediately gave me a chill due to him only two years older than my father. I told my father before he left, to be careful a few more extra times than before.

I had a gut feeling. That morning, my father forwarded me one of his many wonderful forwarded emails. This time it was Mother Teresa's Novena. I read it and forwarded it along.

At 5:30 I called him and sure enough, he was stopped. Traffic/ Hartford stop and go. He hadn't made it through the tunnel yet. I hung up with him, and he called me right back and told me a girl had just hit him from behind but that he and her were okay. His car had minor damage, with hers having more. They were calling the police. Between the time it took for the police to escort him off the highway, to when the state police showed up to file the report, he started to feel sore. His neck felt whip lashed. The state police escorted him to Hartford Hospital, where he stayed for another four hours before then driving the other hour and a half to my house. He wound up getting fully checked out to be on the safe side, and Thank God was OK.

I wanted to immediately drive to Hartford. I told Eric let's go. You could drop me off so he isn't at the hospital by himself and then I'll drive him to our house, in case he can't drive. My father and Eric insisted I just sit the emergency room visit out from home and be patient. I immediately needed a bottle of wine. I drove to the local supermarket to get one, and on the drive there had my long conversation with God making promises, and saying the Our Father.

As soon as I said it, I thought I have said this one more time today......then it hit me.....

The Mother Teresa Novena my father emailed me.

Sure enough God came through for me again. My father made it here safely and we enjoyed the rest of the weekend, by him taking his Irish/Italian daughter out for Irish lunch and ironically, my gift of a Frank Sinatra Inspired Print that said "Meeting Adjourned", could now be laughed about.

Ironically, I received that same Novena a few days later by another friend. I also received it back from some friends I had forwarded it too.

I know that God hears me.

I know that he hears me when I need him. I know that he knows I would do anything to not put my father or my family and friends in danger, driving up here late at night or not. ....freak accidents... if anything ever happened to those I love coming up here to visit me...I can't even think about it.

I also know that He knows me. He knows whats in my heart. He is here with me everyday. He is the one who sees my internal struggles within my heart for Matthew and for myself. I know that he is beside me and lifts me up to let me lean on him. Today was again another Sunday and this time during the most important month where I am trying to teach Matthew what "Christmas" is all about, that doesn't involve anything retail.

Again I failed, but I am getting closer. I made him listen to a story read online by someone breaking down the story of Mary and Joseph, the Angel Gabrielle, The Shepperd, and the Three Wisemen. Each segment was only four minute each, but was told in a soft and wonderful tone. I just wanted him to hear it from someone other than Mommy.

Well, when we were done, he couldn't wait to get back to Mario. I know I have my struggles, and again I know God knows I am trying.

In my own time, I am praying to get him there and to be apart of all that I know and love about Church and miss so much. I promise by the end of the year, we will do it...and we will start the new year off right. It will be just like giving up the binky for New Years before he turned two! That was it and it happened! Why can't all other struggles be that easy for me?

Remember When Wednesday - My Christmas Gift from God

I know I am sooo crazy about my son, that it was once a joke by my brother in law, when Matthew was 4 months old...his picture was on the Internet more than Pamela Anderson:-)


Well, why should I stop now?

I am so thankful and lucky to have this muse to be able to show the world, how much I feel blessed.

Yes it is trying some times, now that he is approaching six years old, but when I stop to smell the roses everyday and listen to his little voice, watch his facial expressions in his jokes and animated stories and wondrous sponge for learning and showing us what he is learning; how could I not feel blessed?

Yesterday we went to his friend R's house for a play date. He had to make everyone a little scrolled piece of paper that he specially drew them a picture on from his heart. He did this on his own with no help or prodding from me. How proud was I when he couldn't wait to hand out four hand made gifts to his friends. This is the gift of giving, from his heart that I want him to learn and now it is happening. No words could express how that makes me feel.


Everyday, we have the little wonderful moments that fit in with the very trying getting up early, sticking to the routine on school days, tantrums over not getting his way with us, but when he is in one of his "awe" moments....and that's not aahhhh...that's "AWE", it is soooo worthwhile to just keep praying, keep feeling blessed and keep thanking God for my miracle.

Last night he ended the night with us, by showing how smart he is at adding!!!

Eric asked him how much is 10 plus 2.

We were only using our fingers at the time, so I thought I would hold up my fingers to help him count....he said "BE QUIET!!! I'M THINKING!!"

Eric and I held our breath while he had his head on the table and you could literally feel him thinking sooo hard..........

HE LOOKED UP AND SAID "TWELVE!!"

I literally danced the happiest dance, high fiving him and he told us "I didn't use my fingers" I counted it in my brain!!

I thought I would post some pictures to remember other Christmas past with my angel, in light

of the season upon us.

Well Last December Post before I'm over that 40 mark

I was going to post about all that I'm thankful for being today, Thankful Thursday....but we all know about how thankful I am for my life, my son, my home and Eric...not necessarily in that order.

In a few days, I will be turning the big 41.............ugh............can't believe I can even type it, let alone say it, or read it, or feel it...

My heart and my mind feel 25...at the most!!! Some days it's younger, others it's way older..

My body when I look in the mirror and see who it looking back...just doesn't return the reflection of how I feel.

I know I'm not the only woman who wishes her hair didn't turn grey and less resistant to hair styling, her figure didn't round out where it used to be eye-catching, her body getting cold when it used to have more resilience for cold weather, her face a little more drawn and pronounced instead of clear complexion and unweathered...

But it doesn't make it any easier, knowing that I'm not alone.

I'm just not taking the aging thing well.

At least one thing will make me temporarily feel better, I will be getting my hair cut today..and I'm thinking with all of the millions of styles I have had over the years, the a-line bob type that I got last February..seems to have the most promise for me. Maybe next week I can get some of the grey colored... but one step at a time.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that Matthew thank you God, loves my hair anyway it is. Last night I asked him which style he liked my hair most.

THE KIND WHERE IT GETS WET AND YOU PUT SOAP ON IT!!!

I was giving him a bath while he said it, so I don't know if he was daydreaming about what he could do with mommy's hair when it is wet....

But at least the shorter hair will take less time to style, less color and less shampoo!!!

Fantasy/Reality Friday - Quips from Matthew and playdate with friends

We had the wonderful occasion this week, to have two awesome play dates. The things that make me happy.

Not only did Matthew get along awesome with his friends R and D, this week..but Mama Swan was having a good time too with "her" friends, and got to hold a beautiful and sweet four month old baby for 4 hours this week.

I used to post Matthew's wonderful quips every week, and I have been slacking to say the least.

Here are some from this week:

1. Mommy, You are the most beautiful Mommy in the whole world, MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A DINOSAUR.


2. (After taking him to visit Santa at Bass Pro Shops)- Mommy, I don't think there is a Santa Claus (after we had just wrote his list).....my jaw dropping and trying to pick myself off the floor asked him why he would say this? BECAUSE HE DROVE A TRUCK TO BASS PRO SHOPS.


3. I want to be a big brother. Why don't you have a girl, so I can have a sister.


4. My Lego Tower is going to be Eleven Feet High.


5. How Old is Grandpa P? After I told him, he said "I THINK HE IS 44."


6. Going out to the bus this morning, he was dilly dallying on the front porch and yelling ahead to me, What is Grandpa P's First Name? What is Grandpa K's First Name? Where is Grandma P? (I reminded him she is in Heaven and that she is his angel)....HE YELLED TO ME, AND DIDN'T MOVE OFF THE STEP......................I WANT TO PRAY TO HER RIGHT NOW.

And in other wonderful moments, thank you to D's mom, she sent me a beautiful picture of Matthew's creation yesterday. He literally can just live there now, due to D and his wonderful toys:-)

Italy, Italy, wedding in Italy

No it's not Fantasy Friday. It's not Remember When Wednesday either.

It possibly becoming a reality Wednesday?

You all know (I know I am talking to myself), how much FAMILIA means to me. How my son and my family with my husband as well as my immediate family is what and who makes me..who I am.

I have talked in the past about Italy and how much I would love to get there someday...way out there in the distance.

You all know how much I loved my cousin Jeanne's visit a month or so ago, and how we loved going to Boston's North End to have some Veal Picata, canoli's and cappuccino.

I'll tell you a secret...........

The other night....I got a late, late night email from my cousin Phil who was in Italy and said he saw a woman/girl there that reminded him of me and would I send him a picture. I immediately replied with nine anxious obnoxious emails and my link to my blog so he could have quick viewing of his cousin while in Italy. I was so touched that he was on that soil...and thought of his cousin.

The next day his son, also named Phil joined that group I've been distracted by. We've been catching up and again I'm loving have not only my friends on this site....but FAMILIA too...my kitchen is now warm and full when they are online!! Like I could bake a million lasagnas and possibly some tirimisu and have them all over for coffee at the same time...squeezing into my home the way I felt that Italian love when I was growing up.

Anyway, you all know I think I have mentioned in the past how I had the most wonderful Aunt growing up. No this wasn't my fairy godmother, who is my cousin on my mother's side. This was my father's sister who shares my name...Aunt Swan:-)

She not only gave me Stairway To Heaven album by Zepplin for Christmas one year, she would have me sell her Avon...she would constantly provide the warmth. love and support that a wonderful Italian Aunt does and she was married to the most wonderful loving funny man. Unfortunately in 1982, she passed away...........but her love has always stayed in my heart.

My memories of her are tearing me up now...she was that warm of a person.

Her granddaughter (my second cousin) is now on that group. Guess where she is getting married???

I T A L Y

in June of 2009.

She has the most awesomely planned and creative website dedicated to how her and her fiance met, there wedding plans, the wedding party and the proposal and information that their honeymoon will be in France....and awesome music playing as you enter the site.

Andre' Buccilli and Michael Buble (Both who I love).....................

It was the warmest feeling opening that site and listening to Andre's voice, looking at her happiness and feeling the love that they both share for each other.

I really am hoping with God's help and my mother helping...and even Aunt Swan and Uncle Swan helping..........and all the other saints out there....

That maybe this year for father's day will be one that my father deserves.

Money is the only reason that I'm not saying it is definite..........but maybe with some planning it can happen.

Ciao!!

IN MY MOTHER'S WORDS - The Ten Commandments of School written late 1950's

I know my creative writing talent and awesome sense of humor comes from both sides of my family, so I thought what an awesome way to share my mother's creativity from circa late 1950's.

The picture above shows my mother on an adventure with her children (that would be me, mama swan in the glasses) and my little rambunctious bro J who was probably trying to climb over that fence..into the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon.

Thankful Thursday - The internet - My Mom's Birthday November 8th

Alright, this seems like a simple one, but really it is much deeper.

This week has been crazy as usual. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had joined one of those myspace type places where I could be a part of a "friendly" network and share with them.

Through this medium, there are all types of "subgroups" for everything you can imagine, quizzes, trivia, horoscopes and group for anything and everything on your mind.

I've joined a few of them.

One of them happened to be a group, that wound up being another website entirely made up of people wanting to vent and share in regards to whatever ails them...which in my case happened to be my mother's illness.

This group allowed me to set up a page, where again there are places for journals, videos, pictures, communities, friends and profile comments.

The first night I was on Eric's laptop so I couldn't upload any pictures, and only briefly set up my account. Again this is an account where only people who you invite as friends, can view. In this case, the people on the site are all related to or have themselves, the neurological disease my mom suffered from.

I set up a brief profile with a brief explanation on how I have been affected by this illness in my family. I briefly mentioned about my mother suffering for many years and with her passing in 2006. I mentioned how my brothers and I are considered at-risk, and that therefore, my beautiful miracle is at risk. I mentioned how I pray every day for a cure.

Within seconds, I had three replies from Australia, California and Canada. The first woman from Australia is now a caretaker of her husband and they just celebrated 39 years of marriage, and how she prays he will be able to be there for more. She had never heard of this disease before her husband was diagnosed, she has two sons and two grandchildren. She says she prays also for patience and that she tries to not take it out on her husband, but sometimes it was hard.

The woman from California was just married and was diagnosed. The 25 year old woman from Canada has it and is married. Her mom passed, when this woman was 17, she was diagnosed at 19. She is in assisted living with nurses and has the most positive attitude and website, full of poems, and how to deal with life with a positive attitude. She mentions that when her husband and her have children, they will use the genetic testing on the embryo's to ensure that gene is not passed down.

The next morning I had received two more welcomes, from woman both from England who have it. One has two beautiful children under 7, the other does not have children yet.

By yesterday morning, I was shaking in my shoes. I immediately thought what did I do...I'm not just sharing with the world, my horror of this illness, but people who actually have it are emailing me. Part of me, wants to remain in a fetal position about this. Since having Matthew, and since my mom's passing other than on this blog, I have put the disease out of my mind, just trying to enjoy every moment with my son and not face possibly the black whole that might be ahead.

So when someone who has it was emailing me, I shared how wonderful it is that they CAN REACH OUT, they can type, they can email and look for resources, groups, support, friends, family, poems, websites however they need to. That - that in itself is HUGE.

I told them how my father and mother didn't have that luxury. Not only was it too late, by the time my father even got a computer, but the resources in the valley weren't what they are today. Support groups, the closest physical one was in Philadelphia two hours away. There wasn't even cell phones then, to call someone for a ride.

Someone who is being a full time caretaker, doesn't have the strength to drive two hours away, organize a bus to get there, or even organize a local support group. Especially because he was a man, he wasn't into organizing support groups. So instead, there was nothing.

To this day, my father doesn't like to be involved in forums, chatting and such because he is of the old school and doesn't 'LIKE to air his laundry" but that doesn't mean he didn't need the help or just need a hug.

My point is though, for the people of today who do have to suffer with this or any other horrendous disease, there are other options and the mindset of those are growing up with technology and support around them so it is getting easier.

And for my mother's birthday I've decided in her honor, to stay apart of this group to offer the only words and cyber hugs I can. One daughter mentioned how she was her mom's caretaker and how she would go to the nursing home and just rub her arm and sing her an Irish tune. Boy did that hit me. The last day of her life, she smiled at the end. The daughter felt relief as if her mom was then running through daisies. I shared with her how my mother hung on for 3 days due to she finally had her three children in the same room, and she wasn't going to let go, how we all sang to her.

And at the end, how I told my father "Dad, she's free!! She's healthy, she's flying over us, heading out that window going to watch the sunrise with her brother and her parents and have a beer!!! SHE'S HEALTHY!!"

Happy Birthday Mom....................I love you.

Manic Monday more of a Mellow Monday. Cheerios, Embarrassment and Election Day

This morning went off without a hitch and we even had twenty minutes to spare.

The alarm went off and Matthew JUMPED out of bed and went to crawl in with Eric, locking me out of my own bedroom.

But once I was ready, he got up and got ready.

We headed downstairs, him proclaiming that he wanted dry cheerios with No MILK....Telling me in a sweet little voice "They taste sweeter that way Mommy."

And then he proclaimed he wanted Hot Chocolate. I gave in. I never give him Chocolate before school, but I figured we are up early and it looks like this morning is going good, he will be okay.

Curious George this morning was about a bee sting. Matthew went to explain for the zillionth time about the time, when I was in PA that he got stung by a bee in the basement over the summer. He had thought it was an ant, and if I remember from Eric it was dead.

But somehow the stinger got him and he was okay. This morning he was re-iterating how it "DIDN'T EVEN HURT HIM."

I told him how proud I was of him, and him being so strong and brave.

WRONG.

He said, "Mommy!!" as he got off the chair and slid down onto the filthy floor with his clean clothes. I said, "What?" as I lifted him back up onto the chair.

He said, "DON'T SAY THAT, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I said, "What??? How honey? There is no one here but us. Who am I embarrassing you in front of?"

He said, "I just don't want you to talk like that!!"

I said, "Okay, I'm sorry for saying your strong and brave" (mumbling under my breath I won't let it happen again)

He is so funny.

The other night for Halloween, we had a unexpected surprise visit by N who we hadn't seen in three months. We took her with us.

In the backseat of the car, from his seat to hers....on the way home................he says, "N, the little girls in school don't believe I have a girlfriend!!"

Eric and I perked right up and were trying to hear.

She told him, "And you do, it's me. You need to tell them!"

He said, "I do, but they don't believe me!!"

Luckily this was at the point when we pulled into the driveway so all talk of romance, ceased.

I told him this morning, that he doesn't have school tomorrow for Election Day!!

He yelled, "Yeah!! What are we going to do??"

I said, "Well, Mommy hasn't given it much thought about you yet, but Mommy and Daddy get to go pull a lever at your school and vote for the next President Of The United States!!!"

He said, "Yeah!! Can I come?"

I said, "Sure!!"

Then I'm reading about the long lines and praying we don't get that problem, or he won't be happy.

I don't like to blog about my political views, I don't like to talk about them with friends. I live in one of the most political states, and yet I'd rather keep it to myself.

I'm just not confrontational and I don't like to have heated political discussions about politics, or even religion.

So, with that said......go out and vote!!!

I'll keep my choice to myself and hopefully our country will still be standing in January and for the next four years.

I am praying for all of us and am really looking forward to turning on the TV or the computer and not seeing anything related to campaigning.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN & Fantasy Friday KISS DID do Halloween Special that I remembered as a child.

Mama Swan is so proud of herself.

This morning I was thinking okay....blog about Halloween, about something related to Fantasy Friday......the wheels are turning.

Last year or the year before, I blogged about my favorite show when I was a child, growing up in the 70's, was H.R. Puffinstuff I loved Witchypoo and all of the other characters.

At Halloween one year, it stained my memory for years of the band KISS at the time that played on what I thought was that show.

Thanks to the internet, my brain is now cleared....it was a Halloween Special with Paul Lynde. Witchypoo was on it....but SO WAS KISS.

At the time, they sang the song "Beth" which was appropriate for viewing audiences at the time, not to mention their makeup went with the Halloween ambiance.

I wish they would put this stuff on tv now......The Kroft Shows were classic....along with Saturday Morning Sigmund and The Seamonsters.

So much better viewing than The Power Rangers, or Pokemon. (Shhhh...Don't tell Matthew I said that.)

It was wholesome.

Why can't they be more creative these days? Although it is funny now, to watch even the old Godzilla movies or Sinbad and the Sailor (which I loved), okay...not so scary anymore...

BUT ONCE UPON A TIME......THEY WERE.

That is because now....it takes alot to scare due to what kids are used to.

I myself am victim of letting Matthew watch Spiderman movies, Batman movies and even Jurrasic Park....but with Mommy there...even though he doesn't even blink an eye at what would make me blink.

He is all boy and relishes anything with a villian that the good guy could get.

I just miss the more mushy, bad guys like the sleestacks in Land Of The Lost.

Oh well...at least now thanks to YouTube and other internet wonders, I can watch Puff In Stuff and smile:-)

Have a Wonderful Halloween!!

Thankful Thursday - Mama Swan works the machine in Honey I Shrunk The Kids (In Matthew's Dream)

This morning someone woke up and the first words out of his mouth, were:

"Mommy I had a dream that you were running that machine in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, but it worked the opposite way and you pointed it to Grammy R's house, and it blew up Grammy and Pa Man."

Me still sleeping, was so excited that he got to have a dream of me running that machine. (One of my favorite movies, taking my little brother P to see way back in the day, when it came out.)

But when he saw me smiling, with my mind thinking about that, he yelled "BUT MOMMY, YOU BLEW UP GRAMMY AND PA MAN!!"

Back to reality, I said "That's terrible honey! But did I get to shrink Daddy? Was he out running around in the yard in the wild?"

He said "No" looking at me in a confused state that I wasn't still dwelling on my blowing up the neighbors.

I told him, that it was too bad that machine didn't work right and did that to the poor neighbors.

That I'm sure I didn't mean it.

I asked him if I shrunk anything and he said "ONLY A FEW ANIMALS."

I said, That's okay.

How cool am I???? To work that machine in his dream? Just wish I had actually shrunk people, like even us and we went on an adventure.....and that I could have the same dream as him and we could experience it together..

I know...now I know where he gets his imagination from.

The funny thing is, that he only saw that movie once about a year ago!

But the other day, on an awesome site I was told about where you can watch movies for free called Surfthechannel.com we actually looked for that one to watch. Didn't find it, so we watched Barnyard 2 instead.

But that was it.

He is like me and I love hearing his stories about his dreams, it reminds me of when I used to at least remember my dreams and I would tell them to Eric and we would laugh because they were so wild. Haven't had any like that though in at least 6 years or more.

Now he can be my dreamer.

Here's to Honey I Shrunk The Kids!!

Remember When Wednesday - No Snow Before Halloween

Alright, my memory is okay.

It could be better.

It definitely gets better when I force myself to go back and clear out the fog in my head.

But Snow Before HALLOWEEN in NEPA??

I don't think I can remember in my 20 years, before moving to MA, snow before Halloween?????

I was reading the newspaper online and I almost died in shock at the snow on the ground, and in the trees.

My beautiful friend Carebear, emailed me a picture of her backyard with 6 inches of snow, and deer trying to eat through it.

It was so pretty. She lives in the mountains and so she got more than in the lower valley.

I told her I wanted to sit at her table and have Hot Cocoa..with her and look at that deer in beautiful snowy forest backyard.

But then it hit me....this same friend and I used to go trick or treating and it never, ever snowed for us.

I guess by Friday, they are calling for the snow to melt, so officially the kids won't go trick or treating with snowsuits on under their costumes.

Good thing too, or my nieces would have a hard time squeezing into their pirate costumes, my brother J mentioned they would be.

One of these days my scanner will work, so I could put more older pictures from my memories, like me dressed as a punk rocker/Casper the friendly ghost and I think I remember a Cinderella in there....

Wish I had old pictures of our Halloween memories....along with other memories of my old neighborhood and friends:-)

But in the meantime, you can enjoy these pictures of my Dad in 1948 dressed as a Hobo!! I love him!!

Keep Warm for Halloween!!

Wishing I Could Peek through his window

Last night, I found on Matthew's school website some pictures of his class going to a recent field trip.

There was also some pictures of them blowing bubbles. My little guy looked so sad. It broke my heart.

This morning, I told him that I saw some pictures of him blowing bubbles. Before I could say a word, he spoke up and said "I spilled them on my coat." I told him that was okay, and that coat's are washable.

I asked him then if he was given any more bubbles while the rest of the kids were having fun, and he told me he was allowed to make one with soap and a contraption...but explaining it with the hugest smile on his face.

My heart is now better.

It was nice to see that when I wasn't there, someone else took care of my son's wishes to make him happy. I only get bits and pieces and then pictures where I didn't see the "whole picture".

Before putting him on the bus for the past week, I've been placing tissues in his pants pockets for him to use for his cold. Today he told me that the teacher doesn't like it when there are tissues in the pockets!! I said "What?" (thinking she would rather the alternative of no tissues) I know that I have to take some of what he says with a grain of salt, considering his love for stories and his awesome creative imagination...but when he tells me things in a serious tone....it's hard.

When I put him on the bus in the morning, my heart does two things....beats faster that I already miss him and ache for him not being with me, and then my mind steps in and says "You got two and half hours to blog."

This is my window to him. This is so you could peek in at him.

But you break his heart and you'll have to mess with me.

I just want to know that every day his wishes and prayers are answered and that he will have a long, happy and healthy life with normal self esteem. I don't know if I can give him all of that, but I know with prayers and patience and hopefully some guidance and family support along the way, we'll get there.

Can You Say DISTRACTED????

To say I've been distracted, is an understatement.

Someone turned me onto one of those myspace type places, where I decided to give in and join.

Two weeks later, I'm finally picking my head up from my induced glassy haze and remembering...oh yeah....my blog...hehe

Matthew has had a lingering cold for over a week now, that started out with two days of on and off fevers, but really has just kept this horrific cough and sometimes congestion. We only missed one day of school, so far.

The other night they had a Halloween Party at his school and Matthew finally agreed to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume that his Aunt K. thankfully passed down to us, from his cousin C.

Matthew loves it, but when realizing that it was going to be his Halloween costume, he tried to get me to allow Spiderman again. I said "No!" Mommy has had enough of him, three years worth.

But at least, due the amount of activities they have these days (compared to when I was a kid - don't you love that Mommy line), is a way to make us both happy. Friday night, he was Michelangelo (TMNT) and Saturday at the Halloween Prowl in the center of town, he was Venom (Evil Spiderman).

I told him he has no idea how lucky he is. When his Dad and I were little, we had ONE NIGHT only and it wasn't to visit a fire station or jump on bouncy things, or have faces painted, it was to GET CANDY.

He said "See Now Mommy that you are all grown up, you can go on top of the firetruck with me in a parade!"

I said, "That's right."

Girl inside of me dying and wishing it was a horse and carriage with Cinderella's foots man, escorting me to the ball.....but OK....Firetruck will do.

Here is to an awesome week of turtles, spiderman's, and other ghosts and goblins!!

Fantasy Friday - From April 2007 became a reality over the summer

I want to get back to my weekly postings where I have a theme for some days of the week.

I was reading my post from April 27, 2007, where I was daydreaming about a waterfall area in PA, that I would love to get back to some day.

Well, over the summer Matthew and I went there.

Not only have they built a wonderful tree top bridge to view the falls, but also you can walk down into them again. This time safely with fencing around them, so no accidents happen.

visited waterfall in PA with Matthew - check!!

Two Posts For Thankful Thursday - I had to.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,

and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you make my favorite cake for me,

and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I heard you say a prayer,

and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,

and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing,

and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it,

and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw how you handled your responsibilities,

even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw tears come from your eyes,

and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know

to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking

I looked at you and wanted to say,

'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend) influence the life of a child.

Leave the rest to God.

Thankful Thursday - Cuddles

Alright, yesterday morning we decided we would try to change the morning routine from getting ready downstairs after breakfast. Due to Matthew using his shirt instead of a napkin, during dinner and even after brushing his teeth, this was my best option. Feed him first, then we work on getting dressed and out the door in time for the bus. His curls and hair right now, are out of control and we need to get them cut. Not completely off, just tamed down and reshaped.

I would spritz his bed hair down with water to tame it, after he got dressed and then we would run upstairs to the blow dryer.

He said, "Mom, why don't we just get ready upstairs?" Smart little man that he is. I know that was the answer, but it was so awesome coming from him.

So, this morning, we tried it...and it's going to still need some tweaking. I think that no matter what routine we have, we still need to get up even earlier at 6:00 instead of 6:30. He is like mommy. He needs his time in the morning, to dilly dally and eat slowly, just like I need my coffee to function.

We will get this under control. He is still adjusting to this five mornings in a row, and it's a long week for him. He is also now adjusting to coming home, to Daddy being here with me. Transitions are hard enough, and now to throw in - in his mind....Daddy's home to play everyday? It's like suddenly every afternoon is a weekend, in his mind. Eric's not complaining, he loves to play with him.

They say every child needs a routine, and I've tried to make that so for him since he was an infant. No matter what the routine was at the time, he knew it and knew what to expect each day. Occasionally (I'm talking twice a year) would we vary from that routine, due to vacations or whatever, but for the most part he knew his routine, and I believe it adds to a child's disposition if they have structure and routines.

Anyway, we will get back to a routine again someday.

This morning, we were waiting for his bus and he put his right arm out and stretched it up to the sky and said "This is my cuddling arm!! When that one can't reach I cuddle you with this arm!!"

So cuddles are one routine, I'm thankful for and hope they always are there for me and him.

Remember When Wednesday - Mama Swan's Big Hair Days

Alright, if I had a scanner, I would be happy to post one of my big hair styles from the 80's.

Today I was trying to think of what I'd like to say, and I've been looking at all of these 80's sites and blogs (see new thingy on the sidebar?).

As soon as I get a picture to post of my hair, I will. I miss it, to be honest. It was so easy to just blow dry and spray with Aqua Net to get it where you wanted it to go.

I graduated in 1985, so I love anything from the 80's, hair, music, movies, you name it.

I, until Matthew came along, would still be known to be blasting in my house anything considered Arena Rock now such as Motley Crue, Def Leppard (still love them), Bon Jovi, Poison, Warrent, Dokken, Winger, Ratt, Y & T, Skid Row, Cinderella, Great White, L.A. Guns (got to meet the drummer) and Guns and Roses to name a few.

My brothers can attest to the fact, that when I'm in my car I still enjoy my motivational music, my driving music - that makes me forget and just be me. A few months ago I was visiting PA for my family reunion, by myself. Eric and Matthew went to his reunion, ironically the same weekend in MA. My brother P and I went for a ride to where he likes to run. He is really in shape and takes his sports and fitness seriously. He is not married and doesn't have children yet so we get to spend more time together these days. The place is in the mountains, along side of a river and as soon as he gets in the car, I blast Great White, Dokken and some AC/DC and for the ride back some Foreigner and Journey.

It just makes my trips complete. There is nothing like driving along the mountainside or countryside with the mountains in your view on a sunny day, with Steve Perry singing to you.

It's right up there with Veal Piccata.

My brother J, doesn't get to go on as much rides with me these days. He is married with children and has a full time job and household responsibilities. But when he does, he knows he can count on his big sis, to let him enjoy some AC/DC for the drive.

He tries to argue, he is more into Chicago these days....but it's nice to go back and bring out some music that's in all of us and we can just......be.

Cinderella is now back to reality (at least for now)

Mama Swan got an unexpected treat this weekend. On Saturday we took Matthew to have his pictures taken for Soccer, and then headed into Boston for a Get Rid Of The Income Tax Rally held in Fanuill Hall.

Before we went, I got an email from my cousin Jeanne who mentioned she would be coming to Boston on Sunday for a conference and if I had time, we could get together.

My cousin Jeanne is not only the most warm hearted, giving, considerate, loving, generous, and devoted person, she also has the most beautiful voice and sings for a band in PA. She has been in a band in one way or another for the past 20 years. She also plays a mean keyboard.

She recently went to Nashville to record a cd that was produced by the same producer for Lorrie Morgan (Country artist). Jeanne has opened up for Lorrie Morgan, Heart, Jason Aldean, Journey and a number of other artists over the years.

I am her number one New England Fan, and would love to see her go far. She is the mom of two absolutely gorgeous children and not only does she sing with a band, but works at a full time job in addition to that, and is part of the town recreation department. She is also very active in church and is blessed in more ways than one. I've always admired her determination, devotion and strength to not let any obstacles get in her way of achieving her dreams. Her children are so blessed to have her as their mom.

On Friday night when I had my hour and a half with TwinsMom, I was listening to Jeanne's cd on the way, thinking to myself I wish we lived closer. Friday night I mentioned to TwinsMom that I wish we were rich and could just get a place to go, just to watch a movie. I secretly to myself wished I had a room just pop up out of nowhere to go to, a hotel...but knew it was just a dream.

When I got her email, at first I thought I would just be going in for a few hours Sunday night, due to the expensive cost of parking overnight in Boston. She offered to take care of everything. I was Julia Roberts without Richard Gere for 24 hours. I felt like I really just became Cinderella, and my gown was about to turn into rags again, as yesterday morning was coming to an end.

We walked to The Union House for a beer. I got us lost and Jeanne had to show ME how to get to the North End. That would have never happened a million years ago. I used to be THE tour guide for anyone coming to Boston from PA. I'm just out of practice.

We had a delicious dinner at G'Vanni's in the North End. I had not had veal since before Matthew was born. At first I felt like I couldn't order it, due to the expense but she insisted. When they brought my plate, I was embarrassed because it didn't look like much. But once I tasted the Vitello Piccata, they had in lemon with capers.....................my dream just got more intense. Not only was I in the North End with my cousin, but now it came with taste. I have never had a more delicious dinner in my life, it is now up there above lobster.

We had Tirimasu and Canoli's and Cappachino on Hanover Street as we walked toward the harbor side. We stopped at The Living Room for one more (two more) glasses of wine for Mama Swan.....and then Jeanne helped me crossing the street to the hotel.

She saw a sign for the Hard Rock, which I insisted was not on that side of town. I had been there many times, years before and I knew it wasn't there. She pointed to the sign...and what do you know, she became the tour guide again...instead of me. But she wasn't in the mood for a crazy atmosphere, so we declined.

We then hit the hay, and had breakfast at the awesomely decored Oceana restaurant in the Marriott, overlooking the harbor in the morning.

Talk about awesome ambiance. And then as I was eating my eggs benedict (another dream), it hit me...my dream was about to end....I had to get home to meet Matthew for lunch.

Mama Swan flew home, to meet him coming off the bus. He said "What did you do at Jeanne's Mommy?" I said "Oh we had dinner, and next time she comes she is going to bring her little guy for you to play with and come and visit our house."

Thanks to Eric for being so understanding in helping me, achieve this dream.

Then my mom and God kept at it and Eric got to go for free to the Red Sox game last night.

His friend/old boss called him, and last minute my car made the third trip three days in a row into Boston and he got to see them beat the Angels and now head into the ALCS 2008.

I know back to mopping the floors, laundry, dishes, vacuuming.....Cinderella is back to just enjoying the memory. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

MNO, Daddy got him to sleep in his own bed!!

I know Silly Saturday title, but I have to give credit when credit is due.

Last night I went out for a monthly sometimes, every two month, hour and a half with my friend twin's mom. We usually are home before ten and last night I was home by 8:30.

We are both in the same financial area, and have limited funds. When we go out, you know it is just to get in my car and possibly get a coffee, or as in this case Wal-Mart so she could find some items for her daughter's Halloween costume. It really is just a chance to be around another human being, another mom for an hour or two. We've been friends for awhile now, and we both dream of winning the lottery (although I don't play), so we can actually stay out til 11:00 and see an expensive movie.

When I came home last night, Eric told me "He's asleep in his own bed, by himself." I thought he was joking.

But sure enough, he stayed there all night long.

This has happened in the past when Mommy's in PA visiting or with Twin's Mom, he is able to say "Go to sleep now, I have things to do", and then walk out of the room with no problems.

That's because He is not Matthew's teddy bear, or blanket to hold and has been holding for almost 6 years, that's been Mommy so it is not that difficult to see that he would listen to his Dad's authoritative voice saying the same thing he says every night. Good night son, I love you, I have to go "do my things."

And I'm not bragging that I'm Matthew's teddy bear, blanket or anything else, because I know that although I absolutely love the love he gives me when he cuddles into me and is so sweet at that time of night, that it is not in his best interest to keep cuddling with Mommy. That the co-sleeping family bed that we believed in as a family when he was a toddler, due to the circumstances of whatever was happening at the moment, is now not the best for him to learn his own independence.

Have to cut this cord..just this one...right now..................

Tomorrow morning, Matthew and I will go to mass and pray that it will go smoothly.

Have a great day!

Chilly Weather and my Michelin Tire Baby

This morning was a nippy 43 degrees at 6:30 when we got up. I am really NOT a cold weather person, how I got farther north from PA to MA, is something. When I am cold, I literally freeze, as in bones frozen, so I can't even type, or walk around the house.

I know I've mentioned in the past the weather differences of living on the lake, but now that Matthew is going to school somehow Mommy has to pull up my bootstraps and get tougher.

I don't know if my being hypothyroid makes it worse. I know it is one of the symptoms, but I'm on medication for it...so shouldn't I be scalding hot now?

Yesterday, a note came home from school saying today would be "National Red Sox Day" to show our support, to send Matthew to school in his team attire.

Luckily he has a new sweatshirt that I got him.

This morning, the poor kid is all bundled up in this nice bulky sweatshirt to keep him warm, and then I put a light jacket over him, because it was so cold out. I feel like I'm always sending him out in public looking like the Michelin Tire Baby.

I'm the mom, who will pick up the Michelin Tire Baby from school and watch every other child come out of school with weather appropriate attire on. My house, my area down in the nook by the lake with the trees and leaves blowing...is freezing..........................up the street................Paradise on a Sunny Island in the Caribbean!

Here is a picture of Matthew from his T-Ball parade day taken in March? I know it was freezing, but how come he was the only Michelin Tire baby in that parade????????????

Have a warm, toasty and cozy day!!

St. Therese of the child Jesus, St. Gerard Majella, Leo Buscaglia and Mama Swan's Fairy Godmother

In preparing myself for getting back to church, today I've been joining catholic women blogrolls, and now seeing another part of cyberspace that I really hadn't seen before.

Even before I go back to church on Sunday, I am now blessed to know that the whole world is right at my computer and is already starting to "envelop" me. It's beautiful to see all of the blessings out there and other women who feel as blessed as me and want to share that with the world, not just in their children but also in their dreams and pondering of everyday life.

Yesterday was the Feast day of St. Therese of the child Jesus. Ironically it is also the birthday to my fairy godmother named after her. We call her that since Matthew has been born, with my love for Cinderella. Matthew is still waiting for her to take out her wand and put mommy in a gown.

When I was a little girl, during my mother's healthier years before I was ten; my mother would read me facts on Saints, or prayers from the bible. One of my mom's favorite saints was St. Gerard Majella, who was known as the saint for Motherhood. She also loved Bishop Fulton Sheen and Leo Buscaglia, speaking of Love.

When Eric and I were suffering infertility, after failed years and failed IUI treatments, I took a breathing and relaxation course at Beth Israel Hospital in Brookline, MA. I met a woman in this class who was there for the same reasons as we were. She ironically without knowing of my mother's interests handed me a prayer book of St. Gerard Majella. I have kept it close to my heart since.

I really should look up that girl, and see if her prayers were answered the way mine were. It was just so hard though, going through infertility for those going through it, and then being the friend on the outside. When you can't conceive and you hear your friend tell you, it worked for them, it is like a knife that cuts into you and is such a hopeless feeling.

My prayer is that she was blessed and God willing if she is meant to be in my life someday, she will be.

Here is an excerpt from another website called Praying4ABaby.com

Take care.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month- for those I love

Hello, Pretty Lady!

You have been hit.

You have been considered one of the 10 prettiest ladies with a kind, warm and loving heart. Once you have been hit, you have to hit 10 pretty ladies with kind, warm and loving hearts. If you get hit again you know you're really pretty and kind. If you fail to forward this, you'll have ugliness for 10 years. So hit 10 pretty ladies to let them know they are pretty -- both on the inside and the outside - and that they are loved and cared for. SEND THIS TO PRETTY LADIES, TO BRIGHTEN THEIR DAY, INCLUDING THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO YOU! REMIND LADIES TO BE INFORMED, AWARE AND BE CHECKED FOR THEIR HEALTH'S SAKE. TELL THEM THAT NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE THEM - AFTER ALL, THEY ARE PRETTY LADIES WITH KIND, WARM LOVING HEARTS..All you are asked to do is keep this circulating (even if to one person).

In memory of anyone you know that has been struck by cancer.

Star Spangled Banner, Ireland and Kindergarten catching up with him

This morning went a little better than yesterday. It always helps when I get up at least a half hour before Matthew.

For some reason this morning, I decided to broadcast from my kitchen, radio live from Ireland. I get in these moods sometimes, and music is in my soul and keeps me moving, more than coffee.

Sometimes I broadcast from PA and it feels like I'm in my town driving by the river, through the mountains, with my brothers or father around me. It's funny. One time I heard from my kitchen in MA, someone related to my cousin (other side of the family) won $100. I emailed her to let her know. She didn't know, she wasn't listening. hehe

Every once in awhile though I like to listen to Irish radio, because it makes me feel like we are back in our rental car, driving through the western side of the country listening to the radio as we drove, watching the horse and buggy and the beautiful lush green countryside, listening to the brogue of the people as they talk really fast.

The people in Ireland are the most warmest people you ever want to meet. And Dad if you are reading this, since I haven't been to Italy yet...I can only talk about my experiences. I'm sure when I get to Italy, they will give me warm hugs and spaghetti and I'll never want to leave.

Matthew wasn't impressed though with the music, and still demanded I shut it off so he could watch Curious George while he ate his cereal.

But as he was getting dressed, he out of the blue said to me "Mommy, Remember that girl that sang at my baseball ceremony?" I said "Yes." He said "Why don't you sing that song?" I said "The Star Spangled Banner?" He said, "Yes." So I sang The Star Spangled Banner to him right there really loud in the bathroom.

My first singing request from my son, and he picks The Star Spangled Banner. hehe

Although he does ask me to play my Linda Ronstadt and Pat Benatar music, saying they sound like Mommy, so I guess he is definitely expanding his music choices.

On another note, yesterday after running a few errands, Matthew passed out in the car. Lately when he falls asleep during the day, I can not wake him up!!! I know it is from him still adjusting to his new long week. I know only five mornings, but still an adjustment from only three mornings last year and a summer of no mornings.

I carried him in the house from the car, all 50 lbs of him. I yelled to him, kissed his cheek, tickled him, put on Zaboomafoo really loud.

He got off the couch, fell to his knees at the couch and put his head down, and was OUT!!

He got a kick out of the pictures when he woke up! hehe