We So Can't Wait For Spring to Officially Come Next WEEK!!- Matthew's LONGEST BASEBALL GAME EVER!

Matthew has had a cough since Monday. Over the weekend, the temperatures were warmer, so then typical New England weather the next day it will be freezing!

We are so ready for this long winter to be done, for more reasons than one.

It has been tough being housebound and the moment the sun comes out and the temperatures rise, the music gets turned up and you can just feel the change in the air, in the house...it's like we all breathe a sigh of relief...............aaahhhhhhhhh we made it! We survived again!

Then it gets cold again the next day, and Mama Swan can barely type and move her body due to her limbs being frozen all the time.

I am sick of wearing sweats and sweaters!! I wish the warm weather lasted a lot longer.

I know this sounds like a complaining blog..but really it's not. I'm just waiting for my fingers to warm up so I can blog more.

On a warmer note, one sign of spring is baseball season. The other day, I got an email from another mom, wanting me to register Matthew for the longest game ever. It is a 36 hour game that is being played in our town and to register him for free, it created the most awesome fundraising and proud mommy moment for me. It created a page with Matthew's picture, and his name was scattered throughout the page. I am copying some of it to protect our identity but still with sharing this awesome moment for my little T-Ball player:

TOP FUND-RAISING INCENTIVE PRIZE LUNCH WITH CURT SCHILLING Each player who raises $250 will be invited to a pizza lunch featuring Red Sox great, CURT SCHILLING. Curt will sign autographs, share stories and pose for pictures with the kids. The TOP 32 overall fund-raisers will get to sit at CURT'S table during lunch!


On the weekend of June 6 and 7 all 800 ____Massachusetts youth baseball and softball players including Matthew will attempt to set the WORLD RECORD for the longest baseball game ever played, 36 hours!

The event will take place in ____, Massachusetts at the __Complex.

Every player from each team will participate in the event.

The Longest Baseball Game will begin at 8:00 a.m. on Saturday June 6 and end 36 hours later, at 8:00 p.m. on Sunday, June 7.

The current world record for the Longest Baseball Game is 32 hours 29 minutes 25 seconds set October 13-14, 2007 in St. Louis, Mo.

In order for this event to be a success we need your help.

Please consider contributing towards Matthew's personal fund-raising goal. We're offering great incentive prizes for Matthew including a great top fund-raising prize to be announced soon!

Our goal is to raise $100,000 to distribute to charities that include the local DARE program, and March of Dimes. The entire game will be broadcast on the Internet at___.

The exact time of Matthew's game will be posted on the home page soon so you can listen to Matthew help set a WORLD RECORD!

Thank you for your support!

NOW, HOW COOL IS THAT!! AND SUCH AN AWESOME FUNDRAISING IDEA!!

Make that Three Teeth in One Week and some green leaves for Mama Swan

Knock on Wood, the incident the other day possibly was a one time deal. His teacher assured me that there was no need for us to meet and talk about it..so fingers crossed.

The other night, Matthew yelled, "MY OTHER TOOTH FELL OUT!!!!"

That makes three teeth right next to each other on the top! I'm having a heart attack picturing him toothless very soon.

He had fallen, running up my hardwood stairs earlier in the day and banged his chin very hard. I'm thinking that combined with Papa Swan noticing he hadn't stopped wiggling the tooth for the past couple of days, might have done the trick.

I don't know if this is normal. Three teeth in one week???? I have to make him a dentist appointment.

The weekend provided some warm weather, so yesterday he was outside with Papa Swan playing in the yard.

I was upstairs doing laundry I had been avoiding all week, along with some spring fever to get me to organize some old toys, old clothes..etc..

Matthew yells to me from downstairs "MOM!! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!!! BUT I CAN'T BRING IT UPSTAIRS BECAUSE I HAVE MUD ALL OVER MY BOOTS!!

I come downstairs to meet him halfway through the house, with his muddy boots, but I get over it quick when he hands me about 20 small sticks all tight together in his hands...and then says "See there is some green leaves in there too!"

The pile is still on my counter and I plan on keeping those green leaves forever in my treasure chest...of little things he gives me.

Snow today..but who cares..more green leaves right around the corner.

Tough Day for Mama Swan

Alright, I don't even know where to begin.

My little guy is so in need of a brother or a next door neighbor to play with on a constant daily basis.

He has this need to wrestle and want to be constantly be active, that I know is completely normal for a six year old boy. He is so all boy, that we just can't give him all that he needs everyday and for me, as his mom, it's draining. Emotionally.

There are two boys in his class that he is constantly looking up to and wanting to impress. They are twins and they have each other not only in class, but at home when they get off the bus. One of them, from the stories I get in bits and pieces from Matthew...seems a little bit bullish and someone that I try to tell Matthew that it is okay to just be himself and not look up to this boy, but just be himself and be the good kid that he is.

Yesterday morning before getting on the bus, literally as I'm helping him put on his coat, he said "Mrs. __ said I have never got a bad note, yet! But that for pushing someone I could!" I looked up horrified that he was mentioning it as we were walking out the door and told him, he better not push anyone and that he should always use his words.

He came off the bus yesterday and literally was doing the Irish Jig for his friends on the bus, like a show, as he headed in the house. I thought wow he is having a great day!

I opened up his backpack to see the day's work or artwork and it was filled to the rim, with Cat In The Hat that we hung on the window and other work on numbers, when I saw this little note from his teacher with his name on the top of the page.

I looked at the circled item mentioning that he had "Not kept his hands to himself" and then mentioning that we need to enforce these rules at home. At the bottom of the page, she mentioned in handwriting that he had kicked another child........

I wasn't even going to type it, blog it...It hurts me so much to know that my little miracle, is acting this way.

When I was reading the note out loud, he took it and out of frustration, tore it up into three pieces and crumpled it and then hid behind the couch. I asked his what happened. He mentioned another child wanted to play with someone..whatever... I told him that he is never to hit, push or kick anyone in school and due to that there would be no TV or computer games, Nintendo all day.

It was a long day.

When the day was almost done, he wanted me to play with him and I'm just so sad about this, that I just wanted to crawl inside of myself. He said then the words that will haunt me for the rest of my life, "Why did you have me if you didn't want me????"

Me...who has this blog, who gave birth, who prayed for him, who is so blessed by him, who is so in awe of him, who just thinks life wasn't life before he was on it...I didn't want him.

I can't type these words..it is killing me...I really wish I had my own mother right now, to help me to give me advice...

This morning, as he was getting on the bus after promising us this will never happen again, he kissed me and then said "Mom, any more only hugs when the bus is coming..you can kiss me before hand!"

Talk about my heart breaking.

I hope and pray that this is the last note we ever get. I know he is full of testosterone and that he is all boy and in class with twelve other boys and that these things happen.

I am blessed and thankful for him and couldn't imagine life without him!! Thank you God!

Mama Swan's Night Out - The Great Escape and Matthew's Two Top Front Teeth

On Satuday night, I had a much needed and planned night out with some old and new friends. About a month ago, I found a sign at a local club for a Journey Tribute Band.

They are called The Great Escape.

What a fitting title.

I had planned to see them, we got tickets for a few mom friends to get out and what an ESCAPE it was.

The pub where they were playing was a little tight quarters, but so worth it. I had a few too many Smithwicks that four days later, I'm still feeling.

On the way out the door to go out with my friends, Matthew yells "I LOST MY TOOTH!!" We look at him, as blood is covering his mouth from his front tooth that came out.

I only have one picture now of the one tooth, before my ESCAPE was done, when I came home Papa Swan said "The one next to it came out too!"

Now everything he does in so precious with his little toothless grin. He can be so bold and with that grin...we are just dying with love and a little laughter on the inside. I can't believe my little guy who just turned six has now lost four teeth. The ones on the bottom he lost last summer after a light saber incident. They are now coming in.

Everytime I look at his picture from last year on my desktop, I just sigh at the little baby teeth in his smile that are now gone.

Month in pictures - Matthew's STAR WARS MOVIE PARTY

Bad Blogger...Bad Mama Swan...Bad....

I am mortified that it has been almost 30 days since my last post!!

This happened last year at this time. With Matthew's sixth birthday, his party, other birthday parties, anniversaries, visit to PA to see Grandpa P, Uncle J and Uncle Phil, back to school...it has just flown by...

There is no excuse for it. My little guy has had some great moments this month, including turning six. (Only four years from ten..double digits..stop hyperventilating)

The Public Library is one of the best resources in MA for discounted passes to the best museums, zoos, water parks, science and children museums. When we were on school vacation last week, we were going to go. Mama Swan had her head swimming in just trying to prepare for a last minute decision that yes, we could split the week and see Grandpa in PA and be back in time for another birthday party/Mama Swan and Papa Swan's anniversary that she didn't get to the library in time.

Papa Swan has a bad earache, so we are going into town for a doctor's appointment anyway, so I reserved us a Boston Children's Museum Pass for Each coupon admits up to four (4) people at a reduced rate of $2.00 per person, as opposed to the regular charge of $12.00 for each adult and $9.00 for Matthew.

Not too shabby. They are all like that.

So I am going to wrap up this post, this month with a promise that next month..I will be better.

Traditional Irish Blessing

I received this absolutely beautiful Irish Blessing today from my irish father-in-law. I wanted to post it on my site, to stay here but don't know how to work flash with blogger yet.

SO, until I do please click on Traditional Irish Blessing and then click start!

What a great way to start the year with the beautiful pictures and music on this card...brought back some memories for Papa Swan and Mama Swan:-)

Thankful Thursday - First day of 2009

A couple of days ago, I was thinking of having some old friends over with their kids for New Year's eve. Thought it was time and Matthew could play with the kids and stay up late, for his first time.

Due to the snow storm, we got 7 inches yesterday and we're pretty much housebound.

The night before, I was awake all night thinking of things in my head and not being able to fall asleep. One was - about 7 or 8 years ago, we were going to have a New Year's eve party and for some reason, it didn't pan out. I had bought decorations, blowers, hats, those hand things that rattle, balloons etc....

Yesterday afternoon I asked Eric, if he had seen that old bag that we never used. He thought I had thrown it out. We were all down in our basement, with the fire going while Matthew was creating beautiful artwork from his Blendy Pens Santa got him. I looked across the room, and jumping right out at me - was the bag.

We had the best time decorating the basement and having our own little party to decorate and Matthew hung his pictures all over the place, helped me put up streamers.

Eric braved the blizzard to get us Chinese for dinner, and Matthew said "I want to do this every New Years Eve."

Around 8:30, it was time for him to go to bed and I don't know what made me think of it, but am so glad I did.

I said to Papa Swan, "Let's pretend it's midnight with him right now and countdown and wear the stuff and blow those thingamagigs and yell Happy New Year!!" We did..and then we ended Matthew's night with a nice family hug and warm wishes for us and love, hugs and kisses.

Happy New Years Everyone

Just wanted to wish my family and friends a HEALTHY, HAPPY, PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR with lots of love and family to be in your life.

That's my only wish for this new year.

That of course includes myself, Papa Swan and Matthew:-)

My resolution for 2009 is:

to stop feeling weighed down by finances, friends and family far away and to start taking control of my own life right here. I know I am blessed with Matthew, but I really need to put into action my taking my "own" happiness into gear. Not only will I find a job again to help us out, but will also make sure Matthew has a well balanced life with his self esteem in tact as well as his sense of "family" on both sides of his family that are part of "who he is".

My resolution is to begin tackling every day right here. As I have been, but with a different mindset. More of a mission, than feeling like a victim of my own decision to move here many years ago. It was my decision. I'm tired of playing the same old tapes over in my head and my heart.

No one will ever hear me say again (uh oh..should I really type this)...no one will ever hear me say again.....that it is hard...poor me.

You all know my heart, but for Matthew's sake as well as my own sake, I need to focus on what is here.

I've always been the one to put everyone in my life first, and due to that I've not taken courses, stayed at jobs, gave up social engagements due to someone else's views or opinions or lack of desire from other parties involved, kept in contact with certain friends, to more recently wearing the same old sweats year after year and basically just become someone who has lost herself.

No one can help me, but me. No one can help enforce my life, but me. I'm not blaming anyone but me.

Therefore, as my resolution for my life's sake, for my miracle's sake:

I resolve to find "me" again, to reach out again, to learn how to listen to other's again, to be a friend again in order to gain a friend, to learn how to use the phone again (still blog though). I resolve to work on me and not feel sorry for myself anymore.

Starting tomorrow!

Tonight I will drink White Zin and have one more pity party!!

Cheers!

Love you all!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

He's coming.....If you check out Norad's website to track Santa, he is now in Mongolia!!! Matthew just yelled to me that he has moved from Japan into "another state!!! Mommy!! Mongolia"

Make sure you are good today!!! He always has time to check in on who is being naughty or nice:-)

We love you all!
The Swan Family

Thankful Thursday - One Week left before Christmas

This year, due to finances we have had to cut back like everyone else. It stinks. I normally do a calender of pictures of Matthew for all grandparents and us, but this year we will be back to using the old ones they send us in the mail from the oil company.

Unless the after Christmas deals, make it extremely worth my effort:-) Hmmmmm...brain now working....

This year, we will forgo our present to one another again, for Matthew's sake so he can have what he deserves..and to pay the mortgage.

This year, again we will be happy and thankful for the blessings we have year round, the memories we make all year to fulfill our Christmas wish. That is really the most important thing.

I really believe that it is not the size of the present that is opened, but the love behind the gift.

For Matthew's sake, for him to understand giving and receiving from the heart, I just ask Papa Swan to make sure he is involved with letting Matthew make me a gift from his heart, and to be there when Papa Swan "gets me something small" to show Matthew that it is coming from him, and to be excited about giving to his "wife". Just as he needs to be apart of my giving to Papa Swan. He needs to witness this type of love on both sides, in order to feel whole and complete, and go out there in the world someday and have the generosity within his heart.

I believe that the memories and pictures that I take year round, witnessing the love from Daddy to son, from Matthew with anyone on both sides of our family enjoying life...are my continued love.

The gift that I give of capturing these moments is what gets me through each season, each winter, each day.

I really wake up each day and end the day thanking God for my miracle.

Again, I wouldn't have that miracle without Papa Swan. We wouldn't have our home.

So all I really am asking Santa for is that reciprocated love all year round, that Matthew can grow into the most high esteemed man someday by knowing all the gifts that he can give and receive in life.....without even spending a penny.

Well most of the time:-)

My point is, with one week left before the big day, I just want to make sure that Matthew turns into the most well rounded man someday. With love and faith, and a kind and generous heart and full of the most wonderful esteem. The kind where he is not only smart and can conquer the world and anything he puts his mind to, but the kind where he is a "whole" man and is never afraid to keep showing his loving side, that one doesn't have to be compromised without the other and that they go hand in hand in life.

And to know that each day, is really a gift and to explode with life everyday.

Merry Christmas Matthew and Papa Swan! I love you!

Remember When Wednesday - Matthew Christmas Memories

This morning it was a little snowy and mushy out getting ready for school. As I was getting him ready, I told Matthew that he has ten days off between Christmas Eve and January 5th, and that we would go to PA for a few days to fill in the time, just the two of us.

He wasn't happy with that. He wants to stay here and be at his house during his vacation. I told him it would only be for a few days, but he kept insisting he wants to stay at home. He wants to go sledding. I told him we could do that at home and in PA. He really kept insisting that he doesn't want to go.

I told him he hasn't been there since June and that Mommy would love for him to come with her, but he really kept insisting he didn't want to go. It's not that he doesn't want to see his family there, but I think the ride for him and the anticipated trip without Daddy being with him, was making him apprehensive.

So we shall see.

But in good news, he told me "Mommy, Christmas Morning is Next Week!!!" I said, "Yes, Santa comes on Christmas Eve and then when you wake up on Christmas morning, toys!!"

He said "LAST YEAR AND THE YEAR BEFORE, I KEPT GETTING UP EVERY DAY AND EVERY DAY AND THEN ONE DAY.......WAS FINALLY THE DAY!!!"

Yeah!!!

Too keep it this simple forever, I wish it would stay this way.....

Oh well.......

Catching Up with Uncle P and Grandpa P

I really wish and pray that not only could I stick to blogging once a day, that I could stick to the promises and wishes that I make for myself everyday.

The last few weeks were busy trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, then my brothers visit with his beautiful and sweet family oriented new girlfriend M.

About a month ago, I mentioned to Phil (oh no I said it!) I'm tired of calling him P and he doesn't mind.

Anyway, we mentioned Matthew asked Santa Claus for Nintendo Mario paraphernalia and I asked him if he had any old stuff lying around, since he has played games since the original Nintendo. He said he didn't. He later called me to mention, that his girlfriend M had one in her trunk, that she wanted to "give" Matthew for Christmas. Now, how absolutely wonderful is she!!! Not only does she love to travel, she gets my brother up here to visit and bring my son his gift for a Super Nintendo System with controllers and three games, including Mario every kind made since 1985 (which is the one I used to play with my brother when he was little), Donkey Kong and Yoshi? Spelling not sure?

Now before they came, I called my brother that Friday night at 10 pm to ask when they would be leaving the next morning. We had already established they wouldn't leave until then, due to both of their work schedules. He told me they would leave Saturday morning around 6 and try to be in MA by 11. So when Matthew woke up at his usual 6:30 am time, we stayed in bed and stayed cozy until 8 before getting up.

I walked down to the kitchen, calling Phil on the cell phone just to make sure that he was on the road, and maybe now in upstate NY leaving him a message on his machine, since it didn't pick up. I hang up and I don't know what made me look up towards my street level, parked in front of my garage was a car!!! I opened the door looking all beautiful since I had not even showered or done anything except get out of bed, and screamed at him and her!! What are you doing here?????? You aren't supposed to be here for another three hours!!!! Look at me!!!!

As soon as M stepped into my house, with the warmest of hugs and smiles and the look on my brothers face of happiness, I could care less if I looked like I worked in the coal mines all day or was a chimney sweep. Their immediate happiness and my immediate happiness erased every feeling I had about my appearance.

They wound up getting on the road at 1 am because they like to do things like that!!

I used to do things like that, so I can relate. Before Matthew of course.

Anyway, after a brief nap, they gave me M's grandmother's unbelievable home made nut roll and my brother's home made Banana Bread with a nice bottle of wine. I told M that she had me as soon as she walked in, and said she loves to travel.

To see both of there faces, as they watched Matthew open up his gift from them, was something that will always be close to my heart. It is one thing to have someone enjoy opening a gift you got for them, but when it is your son, and his uncle came all that way for him, with M not only providing the present but the get down on your hands and knees and playing with my son, the getting on the floor, grabbing the controls and showing him every level of Mario, every level of Yoshi and every level of Donkey Kong. Matthew will always now hold her close to his heart.

She is queen in his eyes.

Not many girls come to our house and know the in's and outs of Mario!!

It's gifts to my son's heart that touch me. It wasn't the present. Although it is awesome. It was making Matthew feel special and that his home, and having his family here to enjoy it with him, to share in his joy of a game, or a story or memories in a photo album. I don't just like to take the pictures for the album, I like to capture that love that was given and received at that moment for my son.

When they had to leave to say it was sad, was an understatement. But not before promising to return when they have more time, and weather permitting.

The gift of my brother coming up with M, was all I could ever ask for.

Imagine my surprise, when last weekend for my birthday my father told me he would be coming up.

A first cousin of my father's passed away. He was going to attend the viewing at two o'clock and then get on the road. I told him he might hit rush hour traffic in Hartford, CT but he wasn't worried, driving slow taking his time..... When I had heard about our cousin that passed, it immediately gave me a chill due to him only two years older than my father. I told my father before he left, to be careful a few more extra times than before.

I had a gut feeling. That morning, my father forwarded me one of his many wonderful forwarded emails. This time it was Mother Teresa's Novena. I read it and forwarded it along.

At 5:30 I called him and sure enough, he was stopped. Traffic/ Hartford stop and go. He hadn't made it through the tunnel yet. I hung up with him, and he called me right back and told me a girl had just hit him from behind but that he and her were okay. His car had minor damage, with hers having more. They were calling the police. Between the time it took for the police to escort him off the highway, to when the state police showed up to file the report, he started to feel sore. His neck felt whip lashed. The state police escorted him to Hartford Hospital, where he stayed for another four hours before then driving the other hour and a half to my house. He wound up getting fully checked out to be on the safe side, and Thank God was OK.

I wanted to immediately drive to Hartford. I told Eric let's go. You could drop me off so he isn't at the hospital by himself and then I'll drive him to our house, in case he can't drive. My father and Eric insisted I just sit the emergency room visit out from home and be patient. I immediately needed a bottle of wine. I drove to the local supermarket to get one, and on the drive there had my long conversation with God making promises, and saying the Our Father.

As soon as I said it, I thought I have said this one more time today......then it hit me.....

The Mother Teresa Novena my father emailed me.

Sure enough God came through for me again. My father made it here safely and we enjoyed the rest of the weekend, by him taking his Irish/Italian daughter out for Irish lunch and ironically, my gift of a Frank Sinatra Inspired Print that said "Meeting Adjourned", could now be laughed about.

Ironically, I received that same Novena a few days later by another friend. I also received it back from some friends I had forwarded it too.

I know that God hears me.

I know that he hears me when I need him. I know that he knows I would do anything to not put my father or my family and friends in danger, driving up here late at night or not. ....freak accidents... if anything ever happened to those I love coming up here to visit me...I can't even think about it.

I also know that He knows me. He knows whats in my heart. He is here with me everyday. He is the one who sees my internal struggles within my heart for Matthew and for myself. I know that he is beside me and lifts me up to let me lean on him. Today was again another Sunday and this time during the most important month where I am trying to teach Matthew what "Christmas" is all about, that doesn't involve anything retail.

Again I failed, but I am getting closer. I made him listen to a story read online by someone breaking down the story of Mary and Joseph, the Angel Gabrielle, The Shepperd, and the Three Wisemen. Each segment was only four minute each, but was told in a soft and wonderful tone. I just wanted him to hear it from someone other than Mommy.

Well, when we were done, he couldn't wait to get back to Mario. I know I have my struggles, and again I know God knows I am trying.

In my own time, I am praying to get him there and to be apart of all that I know and love about Church and miss so much. I promise by the end of the year, we will do it...and we will start the new year off right. It will be just like giving up the binky for New Years before he turned two! That was it and it happened! Why can't all other struggles be that easy for me?

Fantasy/Reality Friday - Quips from Matthew and playdate with friends

We had the wonderful occasion this week, to have two awesome play dates. The things that make me happy.

Not only did Matthew get along awesome with his friends R and D, this week..but Mama Swan was having a good time too with "her" friends, and got to hold a beautiful and sweet four month old baby for 4 hours this week.

I used to post Matthew's wonderful quips every week, and I have been slacking to say the least.

Here are some from this week:

1. Mommy, You are the most beautiful Mommy in the whole world, MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A DINOSAUR.


2. (After taking him to visit Santa at Bass Pro Shops)- Mommy, I don't think there is a Santa Claus (after we had just wrote his list).....my jaw dropping and trying to pick myself off the floor asked him why he would say this? BECAUSE HE DROVE A TRUCK TO BASS PRO SHOPS.


3. I want to be a big brother. Why don't you have a girl, so I can have a sister.


4. My Lego Tower is going to be Eleven Feet High.


5. How Old is Grandpa P? After I told him, he said "I THINK HE IS 44."


6. Going out to the bus this morning, he was dilly dallying on the front porch and yelling ahead to me, What is Grandpa P's First Name? What is Grandpa K's First Name? Where is Grandma P? (I reminded him she is in Heaven and that she is his angel)....HE YELLED TO ME, AND DIDN'T MOVE OFF THE STEP......................I WANT TO PRAY TO HER RIGHT NOW.

And in other wonderful moments, thank you to D's mom, she sent me a beautiful picture of Matthew's creation yesterday. He literally can just live there now, due to D and his wonderful toys:-)

Italy, Italy, wedding in Italy

No it's not Fantasy Friday. It's not Remember When Wednesday either.

It possibly becoming a reality Wednesday?

You all know (I know I am talking to myself), how much FAMILIA means to me. How my son and my family with my husband as well as my immediate family is what and who makes me..who I am.

I have talked in the past about Italy and how much I would love to get there someday...way out there in the distance.

You all know how much I loved my cousin Jeanne's visit a month or so ago, and how we loved going to Boston's North End to have some Veal Picata, canoli's and cappuccino.

I'll tell you a secret...........

The other night....I got a late, late night email from my cousin Phil who was in Italy and said he saw a woman/girl there that reminded him of me and would I send him a picture. I immediately replied with nine anxious obnoxious emails and my link to my blog so he could have quick viewing of his cousin while in Italy. I was so touched that he was on that soil...and thought of his cousin.

The next day his son, also named Phil joined that group I've been distracted by. We've been catching up and again I'm loving have not only my friends on this site....but FAMILIA too...my kitchen is now warm and full when they are online!! Like I could bake a million lasagnas and possibly some tirimisu and have them all over for coffee at the same time...squeezing into my home the way I felt that Italian love when I was growing up.

Anyway, you all know I think I have mentioned in the past how I had the most wonderful Aunt growing up. No this wasn't my fairy godmother, who is my cousin on my mother's side. This was my father's sister who shares my name...Aunt Swan:-)

She not only gave me Stairway To Heaven album by Zepplin for Christmas one year, she would have me sell her Avon...she would constantly provide the warmth. love and support that a wonderful Italian Aunt does and she was married to the most wonderful loving funny man. Unfortunately in 1982, she passed away...........but her love has always stayed in my heart.

My memories of her are tearing me up now...she was that warm of a person.

Her granddaughter (my second cousin) is now on that group. Guess where she is getting married???

I T A L Y

in June of 2009.

She has the most awesomely planned and creative website dedicated to how her and her fiance met, there wedding plans, the wedding party and the proposal and information that their honeymoon will be in France....and awesome music playing as you enter the site.

Andre' Buccilli and Michael Buble (Both who I love).....................

It was the warmest feeling opening that site and listening to Andre's voice, looking at her happiness and feeling the love that they both share for each other.

I really am hoping with God's help and my mother helping...and even Aunt Swan and Uncle Swan helping..........and all the other saints out there....

That maybe this year for father's day will be one that my father deserves.

Money is the only reason that I'm not saying it is definite..........but maybe with some planning it can happen.

Ciao!!

IN MY MOTHER'S WORDS - The Ten Commandments of School written late 1950's

I know my creative writing talent and awesome sense of humor comes from both sides of my family, so I thought what an awesome way to share my mother's creativity from circa late 1950's.

The picture above shows my mother on an adventure with her children (that would be me, mama swan in the glasses) and my little rambunctious bro J who was probably trying to climb over that fence..into the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon.

Thankful Thursday - The internet - My Mom's Birthday November 8th

Alright, this seems like a simple one, but really it is much deeper.

This week has been crazy as usual. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had joined one of those myspace type places where I could be a part of a "friendly" network and share with them.

Through this medium, there are all types of "subgroups" for everything you can imagine, quizzes, trivia, horoscopes and group for anything and everything on your mind.

I've joined a few of them.

One of them happened to be a group, that wound up being another website entirely made up of people wanting to vent and share in regards to whatever ails them...which in my case happened to be my mother's illness.

This group allowed me to set up a page, where again there are places for journals, videos, pictures, communities, friends and profile comments.

The first night I was on Eric's laptop so I couldn't upload any pictures, and only briefly set up my account. Again this is an account where only people who you invite as friends, can view. In this case, the people on the site are all related to or have themselves, the neurological disease my mom suffered from.

I set up a brief profile with a brief explanation on how I have been affected by this illness in my family. I briefly mentioned about my mother suffering for many years and with her passing in 2006. I mentioned how my brothers and I are considered at-risk, and that therefore, my beautiful miracle is at risk. I mentioned how I pray every day for a cure.

Within seconds, I had three replies from Australia, California and Canada. The first woman from Australia is now a caretaker of her husband and they just celebrated 39 years of marriage, and how she prays he will be able to be there for more. She had never heard of this disease before her husband was diagnosed, she has two sons and two grandchildren. She says she prays also for patience and that she tries to not take it out on her husband, but sometimes it was hard.

The woman from California was just married and was diagnosed. The 25 year old woman from Canada has it and is married. Her mom passed, when this woman was 17, she was diagnosed at 19. She is in assisted living with nurses and has the most positive attitude and website, full of poems, and how to deal with life with a positive attitude. She mentions that when her husband and her have children, they will use the genetic testing on the embryo's to ensure that gene is not passed down.

The next morning I had received two more welcomes, from woman both from England who have it. One has two beautiful children under 7, the other does not have children yet.

By yesterday morning, I was shaking in my shoes. I immediately thought what did I do...I'm not just sharing with the world, my horror of this illness, but people who actually have it are emailing me. Part of me, wants to remain in a fetal position about this. Since having Matthew, and since my mom's passing other than on this blog, I have put the disease out of my mind, just trying to enjoy every moment with my son and not face possibly the black whole that might be ahead.

So when someone who has it was emailing me, I shared how wonderful it is that they CAN REACH OUT, they can type, they can email and look for resources, groups, support, friends, family, poems, websites however they need to. That - that in itself is HUGE.

I told them how my father and mother didn't have that luxury. Not only was it too late, by the time my father even got a computer, but the resources in the valley weren't what they are today. Support groups, the closest physical one was in Philadelphia two hours away. There wasn't even cell phones then, to call someone for a ride.

Someone who is being a full time caretaker, doesn't have the strength to drive two hours away, organize a bus to get there, or even organize a local support group. Especially because he was a man, he wasn't into organizing support groups. So instead, there was nothing.

To this day, my father doesn't like to be involved in forums, chatting and such because he is of the old school and doesn't 'LIKE to air his laundry" but that doesn't mean he didn't need the help or just need a hug.

My point is though, for the people of today who do have to suffer with this or any other horrendous disease, there are other options and the mindset of those are growing up with technology and support around them so it is getting easier.

And for my mother's birthday I've decided in her honor, to stay apart of this group to offer the only words and cyber hugs I can. One daughter mentioned how she was her mom's caretaker and how she would go to the nursing home and just rub her arm and sing her an Irish tune. Boy did that hit me. The last day of her life, she smiled at the end. The daughter felt relief as if her mom was then running through daisies. I shared with her how my mother hung on for 3 days due to she finally had her three children in the same room, and she wasn't going to let go, how we all sang to her.

And at the end, how I told my father "Dad, she's free!! She's healthy, she's flying over us, heading out that window going to watch the sunrise with her brother and her parents and have a beer!!! SHE'S HEALTHY!!"

Happy Birthday Mom....................I love you.

Remember When Wednesday - No Snow Before Halloween

Alright, my memory is okay.

It could be better.

It definitely gets better when I force myself to go back and clear out the fog in my head.

But Snow Before HALLOWEEN in NEPA??

I don't think I can remember in my 20 years, before moving to MA, snow before Halloween?????

I was reading the newspaper online and I almost died in shock at the snow on the ground, and in the trees.

My beautiful friend Carebear, emailed me a picture of her backyard with 6 inches of snow, and deer trying to eat through it.

It was so pretty. She lives in the mountains and so she got more than in the lower valley.

I told her I wanted to sit at her table and have Hot Cocoa..with her and look at that deer in beautiful snowy forest backyard.

But then it hit me....this same friend and I used to go trick or treating and it never, ever snowed for us.

I guess by Friday, they are calling for the snow to melt, so officially the kids won't go trick or treating with snowsuits on under their costumes.

Good thing too, or my nieces would have a hard time squeezing into their pirate costumes, my brother J mentioned they would be.

One of these days my scanner will work, so I could put more older pictures from my memories, like me dressed as a punk rocker/Casper the friendly ghost and I think I remember a Cinderella in there....

Wish I had old pictures of our Halloween memories....along with other memories of my old neighborhood and friends:-)

But in the meantime, you can enjoy these pictures of my Dad in 1948 dressed as a Hobo!! I love him!!

Keep Warm for Halloween!!

Wishing I Could Peek through his window

Last night, I found on Matthew's school website some pictures of his class going to a recent field trip.

There was also some pictures of them blowing bubbles. My little guy looked so sad. It broke my heart.

This morning, I told him that I saw some pictures of him blowing bubbles. Before I could say a word, he spoke up and said "I spilled them on my coat." I told him that was okay, and that coat's are washable.

I asked him then if he was given any more bubbles while the rest of the kids were having fun, and he told me he was allowed to make one with soap and a contraption...but explaining it with the hugest smile on his face.

My heart is now better.

It was nice to see that when I wasn't there, someone else took care of my son's wishes to make him happy. I only get bits and pieces and then pictures where I didn't see the "whole picture".

Before putting him on the bus for the past week, I've been placing tissues in his pants pockets for him to use for his cold. Today he told me that the teacher doesn't like it when there are tissues in the pockets!! I said "What?" (thinking she would rather the alternative of no tissues) I know that I have to take some of what he says with a grain of salt, considering his love for stories and his awesome creative imagination...but when he tells me things in a serious tone....it's hard.

When I put him on the bus in the morning, my heart does two things....beats faster that I already miss him and ache for him not being with me, and then my mind steps in and says "You got two and half hours to blog."

This is my window to him. This is so you could peek in at him.

But you break his heart and you'll have to mess with me.

I just want to know that every day his wishes and prayers are answered and that he will have a long, happy and healthy life with normal self esteem. I don't know if I can give him all of that, but I know with prayers and patience and hopefully some guidance and family support along the way, we'll get there.

Can You Say DISTRACTED????

To say I've been distracted, is an understatement.

Someone turned me onto one of those myspace type places, where I decided to give in and join.

Two weeks later, I'm finally picking my head up from my induced glassy haze and remembering...oh yeah....my blog...hehe

Matthew has had a lingering cold for over a week now, that started out with two days of on and off fevers, but really has just kept this horrific cough and sometimes congestion. We only missed one day of school, so far.

The other night they had a Halloween Party at his school and Matthew finally agreed to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume that his Aunt K. thankfully passed down to us, from his cousin C.

Matthew loves it, but when realizing that it was going to be his Halloween costume, he tried to get me to allow Spiderman again. I said "No!" Mommy has had enough of him, three years worth.

But at least, due the amount of activities they have these days (compared to when I was a kid - don't you love that Mommy line), is a way to make us both happy. Friday night, he was Michelangelo (TMNT) and Saturday at the Halloween Prowl in the center of town, he was Venom (Evil Spiderman).

I told him he has no idea how lucky he is. When his Dad and I were little, we had ONE NIGHT only and it wasn't to visit a fire station or jump on bouncy things, or have faces painted, it was to GET CANDY.

He said "See Now Mommy that you are all grown up, you can go on top of the firetruck with me in a parade!"

I said, "That's right."

Girl inside of me dying and wishing it was a horse and carriage with Cinderella's foots man, escorting me to the ball.....but OK....Firetruck will do.

Here is to an awesome week of turtles, spiderman's, and other ghosts and goblins!!