Prayer To St. Theresa - HAPPY 50TH ANNIVERSARY GRANDMA & GRANDPA K

I am enclosing this prayer today for everyone in my life who I love. I received it an email from someone special in PA and I thought I would forward it to the world.

May you all have your prayers answered and that peace and love conquer your world.

I also want to wish my in-law's HAPPY 50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!

Saint Theresa's Prayer May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

A Mom Is A Mom In Any Language

I was thinking about what subject that is on my mind can I write about today. There are many issues right now on the forefront that I want to address, but thought I would end my week on a happy note.

Over the last few weeks, I have been having wonderful 5-10 minute conversations with a mom of a little girl in Matthew's class, while waiting for them to get out of school.

This mom is originally from Brazil. She moved to MA in 1999 and has 3 children. The little girl and twin one year old boys.

We haven't had any problems understanding each other, so I just figured that she was proficient in English.

The other day I sent out an email to the few mom's I've met asking if they had any coupons for a local zoo that we went to. The next day at school, the mom mentioned that she couldn't reply to me because her husband wasn't home to type the email. I said surprised "You don't know how to write in English?" She said "Only very little".

I sent her an email the next day through a site I found a few years ago, when joking with my father in Italian. It was a free language translation site. You type in your message and then choose the language you would like it translated into.

So this morning, she replied to me in Portuguese! When I went to the site and put in her message this is how it came up:

a lot obliged by the informacao of the site of traducao. Like this
that I will have a little time I am going to open this site. I like
very of converse with voce! Any day of these would like that voce and
his son came here at home for us visit. Good end of week!
Keeps
Monday.
Kisses.

I am loving this so much....and laughing. Not at her but the way the site translated it for me. I said "I'm a Voce!... Keeps Monday!"

Now what I have learned being the people person I am, is that what is in a person's soul and heart is what I look at when making friends. I am hoping this person will not only have similar values and morals as I, but also hoping they are raising their children that my son will have contact with - with the same beliefs. I don't need anymore friendships in my life where people are superfluous and not real. I want someone that is going to show my son that his family is just as important as any family we love and think is important.

I already know from talking to this woman that she struggled with infertility and now has twins, that her family is far away (Brazil) and she has had to raise her children and face life on her own with her husband and just have the strength to get through every day.

I told her Wow! And I think sometimes PA is far! Brazil, I can't even imagine.

The good note I want to leave on today is this.

When Eric and I were on our honeymoon in Cancun a million years ago, we were eating dinner in this little restaurant. There was a man there from New Zealand and he spoke maybe two words of English. I spoke few Spanish words. Just enough to get me to ask where the bathroom was, thank you, your welcome and andelei andelei to a bus driver who was driving slow.

When we sat next to that man, I'll never forget our wanting to converse. Our trying with him to talk to him, and him to us. All of being frustrated at not being able to express what we wanted to say. He was just a man, sitting at a table, enjoying his vacation from another country, over some drinks. Everyone in Cancun that works there was so wonderful and pleasant that even meeting a stranger next to us at the dinner table was a nice experience, so this lack of conversation was like someone putting on the brakes.

The mom I met from Brazil, is a woman. With the same inside as me, the same blood flowing through her veins to pump her heart, the same lungs to breathe, the same eyes to see and the same heart to break, the same challenges to face being away from her family, facing infertility then caring for twins and a four year old. She is a woman and a mom with the same worries, aches, goals, wants, wishes and dreams, pride for their achievements and basic love for the babies that she carried in her, that she would die for, that she wants only the best for.

I am not going to let language stand in my way of this new friendship. I wish more people would see human beings this way. There would be less wars and more hugs and love.

Remember When Wednesday - Preschool or Baby Memories

I am forcing myself to actually blog this morning.

Matthew is in school. Another wonderful morning of getting up at 6:30 with everything ready the night before really does make a happier mommy and son. Wow! What a difference.

We've only been going now for 3 weeks, but there were just 1 or 2 mornings where if Matthew didn't feel the routine in place...he would get edgy. Routines really still make a difference. Sometimes you get so stuck in your old routine that you forget, hey- it's time to start a new routine.

And then it is just a matter of time before we have it down and then we are all happier.

He really is doing so awesome that I'm in shock. Not that I doubt what an awesome kid he is, but because the problems we were having just a month ago with him not listening as well. His pediatrician mentioned something, but we are still not ready to "label" him. I am reading books, talking to other moms and just testing waters. But in 3 weeks of school with no problems, raving from his teachers to me about how cooperative and sweet he is and him also adhering to changes in his routine at home with stickers and rewards, having an agenda for the day, is really making a big difference.

I always new that socialization was key to life in general so I know that definitely in itself has a huge impact on how he is now handling his little world.

Due to my problems with him last year, I had been dropping him off with the teacher at the outside door and letting him go into the school without me. It was easier for both of us, compared to last year. Although he was also fine last year for the first two months, before the separation problems kicked in.

On Monday morning as I was gathering all of my things I needed to leave the house, he mentioned "Mommy, I wonder on the tables today." I looked at him clueless and looked at my dining room table? He said "No, the table at school." (he had not been verbally curious before school to this point)

I said "Maybe your painting of a tree from last week will be dry and you can bring it home today."

He said "Mommy, You can just come in and see it if you want! That's OK, for a few minutes. Other Mommies come in, you can come in."

Holding back the tears I said "Is that going to be okay with you?"

He said "Yes!"

When we got to the school, he was having so much fun playing in the outside line with his new friends, that when they opened the door he started running with the whole crew toward the door, while I was in the back talking to other moms.

I joked that he is having so much fun that he isn't even going to look back for me and head right into school.

That's when he stopped. In the middle of this huge group of kids and parents, he looked at me and smiled and said "Come on Mommy!"

Tears holding back and so proud, I held his hand into his as we walked down the corridor to his little classroom.

As soon as we entered the room, there was this little felt board of names and he showed me how he takes his name from the out position to the IN position to show he is in class that day.

He then showed me his little cubby where he hung up his coat and his backpack.

Taking me by the hand he showed me some artwork up in the classroom that he did, turned and gave me a hug and a kiss.

And then I went shopping:-) For Halloween stuff:-)

I almost want to say so far this moment is the best age with him, but then yesterday we watched again for the millionth time his baby movies and saw the months surrounding his christening at 4 months.

• The big major activity was bouncy seat or exersaucer, or jumperoo thingy in the doorway with the dogs licking his face and him giggling the sweetest giggle and having the chubbiest most chunkiest wonderful legs and arms - to see him recognizing Daddy cooing at him on the bed and him letting out the biggest smiles and giggling screams of love.
• To him sitting in his highchair and Mommy getting the same screams and joys of giggling while he had his first mashed banana's and was drinking his bottle in his little chubby fists.
• To watching him scream and giggle after every time that puppet on Baby Mozart or Baby Einstein came on. He loved that puppet and would just stare and smile and watch in amazement.

I spent alot of my time those days recording every breath. I am still trying to record every breath because every one is priceless.

Every time I watch those movies I get immediately wishing that he had a sibling, because if they were anything like him than we would be so blessed.

I don't miss the sleeplessness (but I still have days like that). I don't miss changing dirty diapers. I don't miss the cost of diapers.

But somehow with days like today and Monday and watching those video's it's like, nothing else matters. I think I would do it all again in a heartbeat and now I wish that he wasn't turning 5 and that he would be closer in age to his sibling.

Until we figure out what we will do, we will shower him with our whole heart and souls and all of the love in the world.

Fireman Matthew is In Town

Just thought I would share a quick pic of my little fireman taken yesterday at our local town "fun day" for the kids.

He had a blast. The majority of our pics are still on my camera that I still can't upload so this one lets me be able to share. I am really in withdrawal adding pics to my blog.

More later. Gotta get to school this morning:-)

September and apple pies

It's ironic (well maybe not that ironic) that Matthew's whole week in school this week is themed on apples.

I have always loved September and October with the change of the leaves and a little cooler. Not necessarily the drastic New England weather we have been having lately. One day 50 degrees, the next 70. Yesterday morning it was 58 and today it is supposed to go up to 80.

I love it until all of the leaves fall from the trees. Once it gets bare and grey and bitterly cold, I hibernate. I don't want to, but I am a very thin person and living on the lake just adds to that frozen feeling in my bones. I don't want to get out from under the covers and get undressed to take a shower!!?!?!?!? It's like sending all of the wrong messages to my brain and my body. My brain is saying take one, but my body is so frozen that it takes over sometimes how well I function when I'm cold.

One thing though that I have always loved about September is apple pies. I started making them about 15 years ago, when this wonderful woman named Janet at a company I worked at, gave me an interesting recipe for Crazy Crust Apple Pie. It has no top crust, just the apples and a combination of sugar and other ingredients that you melt on the stove and then pour it on the apples and then bake. After that I was hooked.

I started becoming addicted to making all kinds of apple pies. I was telling Matthew yesterday that our neighbor Pa Man, used to love when I would give him a pie and then (New England thing) he would melt cheese on it? I never heard of that but he loved my pies so I was happy.

Yesterday, in school Matthew's class sang a song called "My Mother is a Baker". So far he has learned a Bubblegum song, an Alligator song and a song about turtles. I have to get the words to these songs so I can sing them with him.

I had taken my two and a half hours yesterday to do some much needed food shopping and it was so awesome to just walk through the store with my mind unclouded, with a list in my hand and even to have ideas pop into my head. That never happens when Matthew is with me because he is always putting the ideas into my head for me.

In the afternoon I mentioned to him that we could go to a farm and maybe get some apples to bake a pie. We went and took some pictures and he had fun. He even ate a whole red apple on the way home. Usually he will only eat the Granny Smith, so I was impressed.

He is constantly asking for snacks anymore, so while he was eating the apple he mentioned "Maybe when we get home we eat the apple pie too!" I told him with peeling and making the pie could take some time and that we could look forward to it for desert after his pork chops for dinner.

He replied "Mommy, Spartacus - When he eats candy he gets tired, When he eats an apple he have more energy!!" (first of all I am happy that he finally got this message even though I never cared for the show he is mentioning - Lazy Town)

I was so surprised to hear him saying that after all of these years (I know only 4) of denying anything that we want him to eat because it is good for him.

I think school is having an awesome affect on him regarding trying new things, maybe seeing other kids eating healthy snacks is helping him.

Matthew helped me bake our apple pie and it came out unbelievable!

Here's to more baking and fall weather!

Thank You Mom/Grandma

I've only been waiting 19 months for my mom to come to me in a dream and it happened last night.

I think from the induced haze I was in that she must have tried before but my mind is always so busy that I never even remember my dreams and always sleep deeply (until abruptly awakened).

Last night before I fell asleep, I had shown Eric an advertisement in a Better Homes & Garden magazine of a little boy taking a drink from the bathroom sink faucet. This little boy made us look twice in his resemblance to Matthew.

All I know is right before I woke up at 7 am this morning I had been dreaming that my hair was longer again and I was the lead singer of a band in this really cloudy night club, in a punkish 80's band but yet it felt like I was in the 80's and not me at my age today.

All I remember is her face making it through this cloudy haze with her hair longer and mouthing and saying the words "HE IS BEAUTIFUL SWEETHEART".

Enough to bring tears from me even now as I'm typing it.

My mom while in the nursing home would occasionally say sweetheart when you could make it out and within the few months prior to her passing I swore in my ear she mouthed I love you sweetheart to me very faintly in my ear.

I told people about it at the time, because I know what I heard but then with her decline and years of lacking the ability to communicate, I even had my doubts at times.

Some people looked at me and said "That's nice" while I know they were thinking I was losing my mind or wishing it was true, but doubting it was.

Since she passed I had really thought that surely in a dream now that she is healthy and happy and free from illness, she would visit me because I am her daughter and now being a mother and having a child - that I really know that bond.

I think that she might have tried.

Especially seeing her through that cloudy haze pushing her way through.

It was like she had to push through clouds to get me to see her.

And I did.

It was the most beautiful sight that the depth of the moment is what woke me up and I had to force myself to keep remembering that vision of her and to blog about it so I never forget.

Matthew's funny side & Pre-school Progress Day 2

I haven't been posting some of Matthew's comments lately and there is alot I know that I am forgetting, so before I forget anymore here is just a sample of our recent conversations.

1. Daddy: I have an earache. Matthew: I have a toot ache. (at first confused with tooth, but realized due to his laughing he means toot which in our house means to leave gas)
2. Matthew and Mommy were playing with his superhero's. Being the nice host that he is, Matthew wanted to introduce Superman to Red Power Ranger. Mommy: Do we call him Red for short? Matthew: No he is tall Mommy!
3. Matthew made a beautiful creation in school today using construction paper, feathers, foam hearts and a ruby jewel thing (for lack of correct term). He made this for Mommy and when we came in the house the ruby was missing. I gasped stating "Oh No!! Mommy most have lost the ruby in the car or on the way to the house!!!" Matthew said "That's OK Mom!!! You still have the heart."
4. Driving in the car, listening to my blinker Matthew WHISPERED WHILE CUPPING HIS EAR that HE HEARD THE TICKING OF HIS SPIDERMAN CLOCK IN HIS BEDROOM. I mentioned that it was my blinker and that we were too far away from home to hear his clock, but he was adamant and so I gave in.
5. The other day he ran into Grammy R's house next door, like he always does as soon as she comes home from anywhere. He told her that his mom needed the jimmies and sprinkles that she had out on the counter. When I finally caught up with him, I mentioned that Mommy has all of that with my baking stuff. R thought maybe he was trying to tell me, he wants me to bake.
6. While listening to Mommy's new love (www.pandora.com) a Michael Buble station that will also play music similar in taste as Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra came on. Matthew has believed that Frank is Grandpa since he was 22 months old. It was Christmas time and we had a Christmas music channel on that played all day long. The first Frank Sinatra Christmas song that came on, Matthew in his high chair yelled out "GRANDPA!!!!!". From that moment on until now, he still believes Frank is Grandpa. I just agree with him so not to confuse him. Today Michael Buble was singing. Then Nat King Cole. Then Frank singing something about blue birds or butterflies? Matthew said "There's Grandpa!" I will always say "He didn't tell Mommy he was making a movie, doing that record, being on that radio station." The next song was Michael Buble again doing "I've Got You Under My Skin". Matthew said "Hey!! That's Micheal Buble!!!". I just said "That impostor of Grandpa's"...
7. Last week while out on my front porch Matthew out of the clear blue mentioned Grandma K. We were talking about flowers at the time and he mentioned "If you want to be like Grandma, you have to drink lots of ginger-ale, water and milk!!"
8. Matthew: Mom, What kind of house does Grammy R have? Mommy: Green one Matthew: Not what color, what kind?
9. Matthew: Mom, What kind of walls do we have? Mommy: Yellow Matthew: Not what color, what kind? Mommy: Plaster
10. Matthew: Mom, How does the milk get to the store from the cow? Mommy told him about the farmer having big buckets of milk from the cows that the men come and get that work in that place we just passed and then they sell it to the supermarkets where we buy it.

PreSchool Progress:

Well I am proud and a little nervous I am going to jinx myself, to report that we got our first little note today from Matthew's teacher. I had mentioned to her about the problems we faced last year and my apprehension to confuse him walking into the school with him and his current temperament with discipline from any adult. The note was hand written on pretty lined paper with an apple printed on it and it said:

Dear Mrs. MatthewsMom:

Matthew has had a fantastic 2 days at school!

He's following all directions and being very nice to his friends!!

Mrs. .....

I know I am enjoying every minute of it. He is doing so awesome. I know it is only the beginning of the second week, but I think I have a good feeling about it this time. fingers crossed....

The First Day Of Pre-School

Well, here it is today is the day. It is now 9:42 am and he is in school...yeah!!!!!!

Last week I started noticing signs that maybe this year will be different. Maybe he just wasn't ready to let me go last year, but now he is. Matthew has been going through the last week or so of being more interested in what time it is. He'll say to Eric "Daddy, What time is it? You're going to be late for work" (not really worried that Daddy will oversleep, just that he won't get up with him to get the day rolling). Last Friday out of the blue he said "Daddy, What time is it? You're going to be late for work and Am I GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL?" I thought Eric heard him but he didn't. I did....and the funny thing is he wouldn't be starting for another week, but yet he knew inside him that the time was coming and that he didn't want to be late when it did.

Yesterday was orientation for an hour in the morning with parents and children. We saw some familiar faces (including a little girl he had a little crush on last year at the other school) and he also made a new friend and they had their own little conversation going on at the Lego table. Eric told me it was like listening to two little old men. Matthew asked the little boy his name and told him his. The little boy mentioned that he had the Lego's at home. He then mentioned that he also went to the school Matthew went to last year, though in a different class. He then stated that he is now a big boy though going to the big school. Matthew agreed with him and said "Me too!"

I was busy filling out paperwork and talking to the teacher telling her of my apprehension this year of getting involved early on in the classroom. I don't want to bring up last years issue of confusion for him of now Mommy's here and next she's not. I want to make sure that he is comfortable first to the transition before I throw myself in there. Although I already miss not being involved. I wanted to sign up for everything and volunteer but I will wait.

This morning we woke up at 6:15 and I made him French Toast (I know Eric is impressed due to my body liking and needing my sleep). After breakfast we got dressed and you would have thought he was going to just run to school. He was so happy and excited to wear his new backpack, his new sneakers, to see his new friends. I video taped him and said "What are you going to do today in school? " He said "Learn". I was waiting for the playground to come out, but that is what he said first, so I was very impressed.

Before heading into the car, we proudly showed off his pre-school moment to our wonderful neighbors (Grammy R and Pa Man) who basically see every milestone in his little life on a daily basis.

He mentioned "ONLY 4 MORE WEEKS TIL' I RIDE THE BUS!!!!". I corrected him to two years, but couldn't keep down my excitement of his excitement.

I told him you have your Lightening McQueen Backpack and your Mommy is Lightening McQueen in our red car! "How Many Kids Get To Do That?" He looked up at me and said "One!!"

As we pulled off of our street, (for some unknown reason) he asked me why didn't Uncle P make American Idol?

I was trying to explain the amount of people to him and that in Philadelphia there were as many people there as the people in the stands at a recent Pawtucket Red Sox game we went to. I told him all of those people tried out too and that was only one city in the whole country. I said there was other big cities too. I mentioned San Diego and he said"Oh Yeah, I know". I said "You know San Diego?" He said "Yeah....remember the giraffe in Madagascar says they are going to the San Diego Zoo and then they find a rock on the beach but it is hard and not a soft one and that is how they know they are in the wild.." I'm astonished by what his little brain retains and comes out at the right moments.

He amazes me every day.

Then we were at his school.

Daddy had followed us there before heading to work.

We took him by the hand to the teachers waiting outside.

Yesterday they mentioned where the drop off area would be and that if we wanted to not go in as to not confuse him, that it was ok.

I took him in through the little door and the teacher looked at me and said "Well, if you want I can take him down to the class".

I hesitated for a moment because it looked like all of the other mom's were going down to escort them, but then Matthew looked up at me and held his arms out and said "Bye Mom!!!!"

So I gave him a tight hug and then walked out and said Have A Good Time In School!!

It took me awhile before finally leaving the parking lot, because I felt like Did I do the right thing?

Maybe I should be in there?

What if all the other mom's Stay and I didn't?

But I need my haircut again and yesterday Matthew told me "I should get it done while he is in school".

Another sign he was ready.

So off I went with my coupon for a $10.99 hair cut. I should have known it was too good to be true. I drove all of the way out of the way to save the money to get there and tell me they would charge another six dollars to blow dry and style and not including tip. I am trying to spread out the money a little now (tuition, hair, mom's night out, bills etc) so I declined and then drove all the way home. I am going to have to be more prepared and make a few phone calls first.

I wanted to have it done by now because Mommy has a Mom's Night Out tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to it. I really have some celebrating to do with my mom friends to give us a pat on the back for making it this far and for our little ones starting pre-school!!