I was just thinking it seems like yesterday that Christmas was here and next thing you know...boom! It's February. When Matthew was born, he was our long awaited and much prayed for miracle and he came 2 months early and 11 days before our wedding anniversary. That year we felt he was the best anniversary gift from God, valentines gift and miracle... Every year I know February is coming just like I know December is coming...and every year I mean to start Christmas shopping in January for the next year, but I always wait til at least the beginning of November. This year..Christmas and Matthew's birthday came at me like a ton of bricks. I thought I had planned out though, under last minute thinking a good plan for a party. One that wouldn't cost as much, because we live on a lake and we were going to do an ice skating party. I planned having a movie for after ice skating and with no games and only a cake, pizza and popcorn to buy that I had planned a good party for our budget and one to remember for Matthew's memories.
I forgot to plan one thing. It happens every year at this time. Matthew being sick and then Mommy getting sick. I've had to cancel his party for this Saturday due to us being sick as well as other family comittments on both sides of our family. I hope to take him into Boston next weekend (our anniversary weekend) to celebrate somehow with his little cousins so he should feel like every other 4 year old in the world. One with family around him to clap when he blows out the candles on his cake. Children to play with during his party that he loves and loves him. It's heartbreaking to me that this has happened, because I never planned on an only child. Because of our infertility and the years that have gone by, this is just what has happened.
I had thought I would have 10 kids....I always loved them and I come from a huge italian/irish background where family is as much important in your daily routine as drinking water. In your every move, they are there..sometimes whether you want them or not, but they are there. It is so hard for me to go from the upbringing to having my son be an only child. But still, God had a plan and I have him and wouldn't trade him in for a million families.
I tried him in preschool in the fall and unfortunately, he was fine for the first few weeks and then...he wouldn't let me go...it went on for 2 months of his tearing away from me and finally to the point where he wouldn't get dressed in the morning and would make it unbearable. I only am so strong..physically and emotionally..so after talking to my husband we decided to wait til next year. We figure he will still be in preschool for another 2 years at that point and that one more year with Mommy wouldn't be that bad. I have always been worried about his socialization and that was my main concern and even in those few weeks where he liked school, he didn't really interact with the other kids the way I had hoped...except for the little girls..he is a ladies man. LOL
I just have to keep praying that I am doing the right things, that I am not adding to his dis-socialization, that my want and need for socialization for him is so strong that things will fall into place one of these days.
And for next year we have already decided that we are going to Disney World so, we are saving our pennys now! So his birthday is already planned and Mickey Mouse or Buzz Lightyear won't let him down...
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