Just when I think I will be deleting my blog, Matthew goes and says something and makes me want to share it again with the world.
Matthew and I returned from PA on Tuesday night with him having the beginning of allergies/cold. It has been a week of runny noses and coughs and last night I had to give him his nebulizer due to his raspy & rapid breathing. He wants to go out and play so bad and the weather has been so nice, but his breathing scares me when he gets that bad. It brings me right back to him being 18 months old in PA when I had to take him to the hospital.
It was August and we had been visiting my family and he was taking a nap. He developed a 104 fever and was just in his little diaper when I was looking at the fast beating of his chest. It scared me because it had never happened before. I took him to the emergency room where they held him down to give him a nebulizer treatment and then showed me how I would have to do it with him. He was terrified of them and they wound up admitting him for 3 days and explaining he had RSV. At the time, I wound up having Eric drive down to PA to be with us because I didn't know how bad or what we were facing. As soon as Daddy got there, he was the only one to get Matthew to calmly let us give him, his nebulizer treatments....he told him "Let's just breathe in the mist"..and they sat on the chair in the room. Matthew let Daddy do it and felt at ease with him being there and with him holding him and comforting him. When he got released we wound up following each other back to MA. Matthew had to use the nebulizer for every sneeze/cold/cough up to 3 years old. The doctor then told me that he really only needed after that when I felt it was needed, which it seems is worse with his seasonal allergies.
Last night though, it really didn't seem to relieve him, so I am keeping an eye on him and trying to keep him from getting excited. I think I am going to have to ask the doctor about what's next? Do they give him an inhaler for on the go or at the playground? We can't always be staying calm in the house under house protection.
My brother Gorge had asthma his entire life. It kept him from being able to do so much and was always having asthma attacks and being taken to the hospital. I really hope and pray that Matthew's doesn't get that severe.
I was kind of afraid to blog all week. My time in PA was bittersweet. I got to see my immediate family but I think due to Matthew's beginning of not feeling well, I wasn't able to witness my niece’s communion (and I forgot my digital card for my camera). He had a little meltdown, to put it nicely. I had to leave the church for the whole ceremony. After having a talk with him, he promised that he would behave a few hours later at the party. Didn't happen. He was crawling under tables through people's feet of people he doesn't even know, running around the restaurant and not listening to me etc. He loved playing with his little cousin J, but it was more than that. The bold side of him took over. When he was just with little J, he was a sweetheart...one second playing peek-a-boo with her, the next grunting to me and running like a madman with no care for anyone in his way..he would go from sweet little angel...to sweet little madman...in seconds.
The next day Grandpa & I took him to visit the most unbelievable train yard and to a playground so he could work off his steam. The following morning when he started coughing/runny nose, I said...ok...let's get home now, before this gets out of control.
Mommy's tired and a little emotionally drained. I was considering deleting my blog because I have begun to realize that I have un-clogged most of my brain now...and am starting to see things alot clearer now that my head isn't in a fog and I have started to categorize some of my issues. My dream is to have my reality be what my blog represents , my family being happy and healthy and that not only is our son our main goal in life, but that we walk the walk...he is smart enough now to know better. I can't just put out a blog with all of the places I'd like us to visit or what I feel is important in making a family a success, if it doesn't start with us. Another reason I am considering deleting my blog, is honestly, I can't be as honest as I'd like. I know some people think I'm too honest and wear my heart on my sleeve, but I think it is because they feel threatened. Like I'm going to divulge some deep family secret. I'm not that evil and shallow. I am my son's mom. I'm trying to live a happy life with my family and expect the people in my life to live up to their end of the bargain. Everyone plays a part and each part is really tattered these days in what is important for me trying to raise my son. I want him to learn by examples, not by falsities or fake acts that don't match the words behind them or vice versa. Basic lessons I'm learning these days: If you want friends, you have to be a friend, If you want love and respect, you have to give love and respect, If you want happiness, you have to give happiness, If you want a complete circle of fulfillment, you have to work together as a team to make it work...in all aspects of what you feel are important. If there is no team work, there is no team. I want my son to have a family team, I'm blogging about it because I'm hoping and praying that if all members of the team know what I'm looking for that it will come back to me. Not just for Mother's Day, but everyday. Mother's day for me is every day with Matthew. I want him to learn by experiences and examples and I pray that he lives a long healthy well balanced life of self-esteem, loving, kind, sensitive, caring, compassionate, passionate life for everything that is important in this life outside of material goals.
On a funny note: What got me started on this today in the first place....he ran up to me and said hug me mommy!!! You are SO WARM AND COMFORTABLE!!! I said..ok Mommy has to blog that....but you know me..start typing and next thing you know...
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